Invincible?

So I finally broke down and called the doctor back about my blood test results from two weeks ago. Everything seemed to check out during my visit (with the exception of the odd, but not really bad blood pressure results). But we were hoping to not find anything on the blood test results either.

The truth is I was expecting one of two things, either diabetes or ridiculously high cholesterol. The blemish on my face has turned into scar tissue from the looks of it and probably won't go away anytime soon, but someone had mentioned to me that marks like that could be a sign of diabetes. Add to that the random "spells" and the fact that I'm a fat fuck and diabetes doesn't seem too far fetched. High Cholesterol seemed like almost a given. My veins should be filled with pure fat right now. I know this, I'm not fooling anybody.

So when I never heard back from the doctor I figured my shit just slipped through the cracks. But I've been feeling pretty good the last few days, tired, but good. So I gave the doc a call and said what's up?

The lady who answered the phone put me on hold while she read through my results and when she came back she said, "Well there was one problem."

I love this, because I'm pretty certain that means no diabetes because my cholesterol should be high. The next words out of her mouth kind of surprise me, "Your liver enzymes were really high."

What?

What about my cholesterol I ask. My cholesterol was great she tells me.

What the fuck?

I should bleed grease at this point. My cholesterol level shouldn't have been a number it should have just came back "White Castle" or "Extra Crispy". What the fuck do you mean my cholesterol is great and what the fuck is a liver enzyme?

She asks if I was on any prescriptions or taking aspirin. I told her no, that I couldn't say when the last time I took an aspirin was (probably never) and had no idea how long it had been since last time I took any medication.

Next she asked if I was a heavy drinker. What the fuck? Me? A heavy drinker? Are we talking about the right Palomba? So I told her no, that I do drink, but not frequently and not very much.

She said it was probably nothing, but they were doing more tests on the blood and would call me if I had to come back in.

Then I started thinking. I had been drinking the night before. And I had been drinking more than usual. When I drink I usually have two drinks. The night before I think I had 4. But then again that 4 could have been 5. Or 7. Who the fuck knows for sure? I wasn't even buzzed. But I also wasn't keeping track. The scotch was significantly enough watered down that I wasn't even worried about it. And it was a departure from the norm for me. I don't think I'd had a drink in three weeks before that. Ain't had but two or three drinks in the two weeks since then. Either way there was like 15 hours between that and the blood test. But now I have this seed of doubt. Could a few drinks the night before throw off the test enough that it looks like there's a problem when there's not? So here we go again with the waiting. Here we go again with the not knowing nothing about nothing. Shit.

Anyway...I fucking feel great today. So I guess that's a start. And if my blood pressure and cholesterol aren't on the verge of fucking killing me at this point? Well, I might as well be bulletproof. Gotta start working on that shit either way though.