So, where do I start?
Thursday night I found myself lucky enough to be able to pay a visit to an old friend who I hadn't seen in entirely too long. It was a brief, but very good night. It was...refreshing...at a time I was in great need of being refreshed.
Friday we met with our accountant who continues to give us good news I for one was already well aware of. The old man is running out of ways to use the old excuses, so of course he's going to spend some time creating all new ones.
Friday afternoon I shot over to my cousin Stephen's wedding. I didn't spend nearly enough time with that side of the family growing up, which is a damn shame because they are the ones Tim and I are most like. I think we would have learned a lot, not just about life, but about ourselves if we had spent more time with them.
I walked into church just a few minutes before the wedding was supposed to start and was greeted by my Uncle Stan who I've always been fond of. He was always just a nicer guy then my father, but at the same time through my experience with Tim I see how the relationship between Stan and my father has developed. It's like watching Tim and myself forty years down the road...if of course we get that far.
I got to see my Aunts and my Uncle Junior, which is always fun. They're the ones I got along with best growing up, they're the only ones who actually act like Tim and I are a part of the family even though we're never around. Everyone was disappointed Tim didn't show up, and I had to continually make excuses for him, but what's new about that?
It's odd how I interact with that part of the family. My cousin's Raymond and Kimberly were there. I always call them Raymond and Kimberly, never Ray and Kim and they always call me Christian, never Chris. We lack that familiarity in general.
All in all it was really good to see everyone, really good. Which was odd.
It also brought up a curious conversation between my father and I. My brothers Matty, Thomas, and Tim along with my cousin Stephen are the only other male Palomba's in my generation. Thomas never had kids and is coming up on 50. Tim and I still have time, but every day the chances of us having kids (or the likelihood of it being a good idea) grows smaller and smaller. Matty Jr. had one son and two daughters as far as I can recall. But just like we've lost track of Matty we've lost track of them as well. We really don't know anything about that kid. Not where he went to high school (shit I think he might be in college now), or if he's even kept the Palomba name. So right now Stephen is the best chance for carrying on the Palomba name, which seems sort of right since he's such a nice guy.
I left the wedding before dessert, I couldn't eat any of that stuff anyway, and headed over to Garwood to meet up with the guys who had just watched one of Gonzo's bands play. It was the first time I'd really been out in awhile. By the time I got to sleep Saturday it was something like 6 A.M. And I only slept a few hours. I woke up, had a quick breakfast, worked out a bit, then went back to sleep. I woke up again watched some TV, read a little, and worked out again. I met up with Sean, Jere and Jere's brother Kevin to play some cards. The first game took less than a half hour and I was down $20. The second game took much longer, but in the end I was down another $20. I offered to cut cards with Jere for $60 and he took me up on it. I figured it would either put me up $20 or down $100 for the night. Either way it didn't make much difference. I gave him courtesy and he cut first coming up with a 7, that gave me a slight edge, but I pulled a god damn 5 much to my chagrin.
Later on I stopped in at Stiletto's and was bored out of my mind in a room full of gorgeous naked women. I swear, their must be something wrong with me. I didn't get to sleep till 7 A.M. and was up for work an hour later. I took a nap around 5 P.M. and woke up long enough to make some pasta and work out again.
Tomorrow the summer season starts in earnest and I need to be up in Pomona by 8 A.M. so I'm heading off to bed to get as close to a full night's sleep as possible. We'll see how that goes.
Anyway, lots of good nothings on the horizon, lots of change, lots of everything.
Who knows which way the wind will blow...who knows.
About Me
- King
- North Haledon, New Jersey, United States
- There isn't much about me worth knowing...unless of course you disagree?
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Conversation With My Youngest Brother
"Hey Chris, I was looking at cars again today."
"You're ten years old, you're not getting a car."
"I know, I know. But..."
"When you get your license I'll get you a used car, or better you can just take one of the old busses."
"I can get an old bus?"
"Yeah, in eight years, if I'm still alive and own the bus company you can have an old bus."
"If you're dead I get all your stuff anyway."
"You never know, eight years from now I might have kids of my own."
"No, no you won't."
"Yeah well, Tim might have kids."
"Tim might have kids now."
"Ha, yeah, you see a little kid his mom's calling him Tim Jr. He's got big ears, thick glasses..."
"...and a bottle in his hand."
"Wow..."
"What?"
"I'm so proud of you right now."
"You're ten years old, you're not getting a car."
"I know, I know. But..."
"When you get your license I'll get you a used car, or better you can just take one of the old busses."
"I can get an old bus?"
"Yeah, in eight years, if I'm still alive and own the bus company you can have an old bus."
"If you're dead I get all your stuff anyway."
"You never know, eight years from now I might have kids of my own."
"No, no you won't."
"Yeah well, Tim might have kids."
"Tim might have kids now."
"Ha, yeah, you see a little kid his mom's calling him Tim Jr. He's got big ears, thick glasses..."
"...and a bottle in his hand."
"Wow..."
"What?"
"I'm so proud of you right now."
Monday, June 23, 2008
On Changes
So I've been trying to eat healthier and exercise a little over the past three weeks. It's not making much of a difference, but I'm really just hitting my stride. Some of the changes have been drastic, other's not so much. So I decided to take a minute here to lay out what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.
My first mistake was that I sort of set out without a plan. I don't honestly know exactly what I weigh. I know it's over 350 lbs. but under 400 lbs. Best guess was that I was somewhere around 365 or 370. I don't know what I want my final weight to be. I remember weighing 302 lbs. on my 21st birthday and being fat. I remember weighing 219 lbs. my freshman year of high school and being fat. I remember weighing 110 lbs. in 4th grade and being fat. So I guess what I'm saying is I've always remembered being fat. And I'm pretty sure I'm always going to be fat. So what I'm working with is degrees of fatness. So I guess if could get back down to about 250 lbs. I'd probably consider myself to be in a happy fat sort of zone even though most people would still just consider it to be just fat.
So now that's a lot of weight to lose. But since it's not my primary goal anyway it's not like I'm focusing on that. I'm not even weighing myself. Somewhere down the road I'm going to say, "Hey I think I'm there" and I'm going to get on a scale. If I'm 300 lbs., fine I'll still be happy. If I'm 250 lbs. great I'll be even happier. If I'm still up around 350 lbs. Well, who the fuck cares, at least I tried. My primary goal is just to get healthier. To eat better. To exercise more. And to avoid surgery, or put myself in as good of a position as possible to survive surgery.
So I've cut down on the food. Sometimes I ate a lot, but mostly I just ate wrong. Stuff that wasn't healthy, stuff that should have killed me a long time ago. Sometimes I ate too much and ate wrong. Let me share with you a brief story from about two months ago.
So I'm coming back from picking up some paperwork and running some errands. It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven't had a thing to eat all day. This is sort of normal. I happened to be on the road so I stopped at McDonald's. This isn't something I did a lot, but something I did far too much. For lunch that day I had a double quarter pounder with cheese (710 calories) a large order of fries (500 calories) a ten piece chicken nuggets (460 calories) two apple pies (540 calories) and a large vanilla shake (1,100 calories). If you're broken out the calculators to add that all up I'll save you the trouble, that's 3,350 calories. Of shit. Now it's not like I didn't know I was doing this. It's just that even now I don't grasp the full concept of calories. Last Wednesday, by my closest guess, I consumed 1,100 calories primarily made up of apple juice and grapes and burned just over 200 calories on the treadmill. If I consumed the same amount of calories of healthy food instead of shit I assume it would mean I was healthier, but would it affect my weight at all? Yesterday for instance I had two servings of pasta with just a splash of olive oil. If I measured right that puts me at about 500 calories. For dinner I had a grilled piece of chicken with a little adobo seasoning. If I measured right that's another 200 calories, I also had some grilled asparagus with that would add somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 calories so let's round up and call it a hundred which puts me at 800 calories for the day. Here's the catch. I also drank close to a liter of apple juice. Tag another 500 calories on right there. So now I'm at 1,300 calories. But not all that hungry.
Today on the other hand I've had six triscuits with reduced fat cheese which puts me at 180 calories, call it 200 to be safe. And some peanuts which add 170 calories. Call it 200 to be safe again. Add to that two 10 fl. oz. apple juices and I'm up around 700 calories for the day. And friggin starving to death. Things is I'm not counting calories before hand, which I'm sure will bite me in the ass later. So yesterday I ate enough that I wasn't hungry. And I think it worked out pretty well calorie wise. Today something tells me it won't. But either way, if what I'm eating now is half of what I ate in that one meal at McDonald's...well I'd imagine I'm doing pretty well.
Last week I was eating a lot of fresh mozzarella and roasted red peppers on garlic crackers. Each piece came out to be about 120 calories and I would eat 4 or maybe 5 pieces along with some olives. To me that didn't seem like too much. But I guess when you look at it, it really is. Which means I've got some decisions to make. Some really tough decisions.
I was standing on line at Best Buy with my kid brother yesterday when he said, quite out of nowhere, "Mom says you haven't eaten bread in ten days." I had to ask him to repeat it twice to make sense of it, and then I told him quite honestly that I had eaten crackers which were pretty much the same thing and that I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich just the other day. He still looked confused so I explained that there was a week or two stretch in there where I hadn't eaten bread because I wasn't making cold cut sandwiches and I wasn't eating in restaurants and I wasn't eating fast food. So no, I wasn't sitting around munching on bread randomly but it also wasn't like I just stopped eating bread. He still looked confused so I explained what I was doing. Told him I wasn't drinking soda, or eating fast food or take-out, no fried foods, and nothing with heavy sauces. Certainly no deserts or junk food. He asked if I could eat ice cream, and I told him quite honestly that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted, but that I probably shouldn't eat ice cream. His response? "If I couldn't eat ice cream I'd probably want to die."
Well said boy-o. Well said indeed.
My first mistake was that I sort of set out without a plan. I don't honestly know exactly what I weigh. I know it's over 350 lbs. but under 400 lbs. Best guess was that I was somewhere around 365 or 370. I don't know what I want my final weight to be. I remember weighing 302 lbs. on my 21st birthday and being fat. I remember weighing 219 lbs. my freshman year of high school and being fat. I remember weighing 110 lbs. in 4th grade and being fat. So I guess what I'm saying is I've always remembered being fat. And I'm pretty sure I'm always going to be fat. So what I'm working with is degrees of fatness. So I guess if could get back down to about 250 lbs. I'd probably consider myself to be in a happy fat sort of zone even though most people would still just consider it to be just fat.
So now that's a lot of weight to lose. But since it's not my primary goal anyway it's not like I'm focusing on that. I'm not even weighing myself. Somewhere down the road I'm going to say, "Hey I think I'm there" and I'm going to get on a scale. If I'm 300 lbs., fine I'll still be happy. If I'm 250 lbs. great I'll be even happier. If I'm still up around 350 lbs. Well, who the fuck cares, at least I tried. My primary goal is just to get healthier. To eat better. To exercise more. And to avoid surgery, or put myself in as good of a position as possible to survive surgery.
So I've cut down on the food. Sometimes I ate a lot, but mostly I just ate wrong. Stuff that wasn't healthy, stuff that should have killed me a long time ago. Sometimes I ate too much and ate wrong. Let me share with you a brief story from about two months ago.
So I'm coming back from picking up some paperwork and running some errands. It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven't had a thing to eat all day. This is sort of normal. I happened to be on the road so I stopped at McDonald's. This isn't something I did a lot, but something I did far too much. For lunch that day I had a double quarter pounder with cheese (710 calories) a large order of fries (500 calories) a ten piece chicken nuggets (460 calories) two apple pies (540 calories) and a large vanilla shake (1,100 calories). If you're broken out the calculators to add that all up I'll save you the trouble, that's 3,350 calories. Of shit. Now it's not like I didn't know I was doing this. It's just that even now I don't grasp the full concept of calories. Last Wednesday, by my closest guess, I consumed 1,100 calories primarily made up of apple juice and grapes and burned just over 200 calories on the treadmill. If I consumed the same amount of calories of healthy food instead of shit I assume it would mean I was healthier, but would it affect my weight at all? Yesterday for instance I had two servings of pasta with just a splash of olive oil. If I measured right that puts me at about 500 calories. For dinner I had a grilled piece of chicken with a little adobo seasoning. If I measured right that's another 200 calories, I also had some grilled asparagus with that would add somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 calories so let's round up and call it a hundred which puts me at 800 calories for the day. Here's the catch. I also drank close to a liter of apple juice. Tag another 500 calories on right there. So now I'm at 1,300 calories. But not all that hungry.
Today on the other hand I've had six triscuits with reduced fat cheese which puts me at 180 calories, call it 200 to be safe. And some peanuts which add 170 calories. Call it 200 to be safe again. Add to that two 10 fl. oz. apple juices and I'm up around 700 calories for the day. And friggin starving to death. Things is I'm not counting calories before hand, which I'm sure will bite me in the ass later. So yesterday I ate enough that I wasn't hungry. And I think it worked out pretty well calorie wise. Today something tells me it won't. But either way, if what I'm eating now is half of what I ate in that one meal at McDonald's...well I'd imagine I'm doing pretty well.
Last week I was eating a lot of fresh mozzarella and roasted red peppers on garlic crackers. Each piece came out to be about 120 calories and I would eat 4 or maybe 5 pieces along with some olives. To me that didn't seem like too much. But I guess when you look at it, it really is. Which means I've got some decisions to make. Some really tough decisions.
I was standing on line at Best Buy with my kid brother yesterday when he said, quite out of nowhere, "Mom says you haven't eaten bread in ten days." I had to ask him to repeat it twice to make sense of it, and then I told him quite honestly that I had eaten crackers which were pretty much the same thing and that I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich just the other day. He still looked confused so I explained that there was a week or two stretch in there where I hadn't eaten bread because I wasn't making cold cut sandwiches and I wasn't eating in restaurants and I wasn't eating fast food. So no, I wasn't sitting around munching on bread randomly but it also wasn't like I just stopped eating bread. He still looked confused so I explained what I was doing. Told him I wasn't drinking soda, or eating fast food or take-out, no fried foods, and nothing with heavy sauces. Certainly no deserts or junk food. He asked if I could eat ice cream, and I told him quite honestly that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted, but that I probably shouldn't eat ice cream. His response? "If I couldn't eat ice cream I'd probably want to die."
Well said boy-o. Well said indeed.
Mon-daze: Strippers, Depression, and The Death Of George Carlin
"Did you touch my shield?"
"What?"
"My shield, did you touch it?"
"No, I didn't touch your shield."
"Who else was in here?"
"No one."
"Someone had to be in here. Someone touched my shield."
"You're insane."
Ahhh...me.
So Friday night looked promising, it looked like there were going to be quite a few people around, and then suddenly no one was around, and I was horribly disappointed. I made a brief and ultimately boring return to the strip club scene and then headed home to find that my XBOX no longer worked and my washing machine hated me. I found myself in the midst of a funk. It was just short of three in the morning and I couldn't get my head out of it. I was suddenly, and unexpectedly, depressed. What the fuck? I wanted to call people up and go, what are you doing? Let's go out, right now. I don't care what time it is, or that everything is closed. We used to hang out at three in the morning, what the fuck happened?
Saturday I did some exercise and watched some tv. I mostly just alternated between sleeping and steadying myself because I was quickly going to an unpleasant place and it was very important to me that I didn't fall that far that fast. I don't wish to find out if I'm still as resilient as I was just a short time ago. So much has gone on lately that I'd rather not push my luck.
Once I'd overcome the doldrums I headed over to the kids house to watch a movie, then took to the road for a bit to make sure I was all good. Nothing interesting materialized Saturday night so I just headed home and watched some more tv.
Sunday I watched in horror as Spain beat Italy on PK's. As devastated as I was the rookie and I headed over to Bestbuy to pick up a new wire for my XBOX. Damn thing still didn't work. We also stopped at the book store and though I couldn't find anything that really piqued my interest I picked up three new books that I'll read while I also muddle through McCullough's 1776. The rest of the night is sort of a blur. I just remember it suddenly being ten o'clock, then two in the morning, and then I felt like I had a fever and my back hurt like hell, then I had the radio on and I was on to something else.
And finally George Carlin died last night. I heard it on the radio early this morning and though I was still half asleep I was totally torn apart. Carlin ranks up there with my all time heroes. At one point the list went Dylan Thomas, George Carlin, Mickey Mantle, and my grandfather. And if you're only behind Mickey Mantle and my grandfather on a list of people I hold in such high regard then you're in a pretty good place. A lot of the things I found funny about Carlin I disagreed with on other levels, but I still found him funny and thought provoking. He will be missed.
So I damn near lost my mind this weekend, and now I have quite a few things I have to do (including getting my suit cleaned) and we'll see which way things go over the next few weeks. The one thing I'm certain of is that I'll be writing quite a bit over the next few weeks. Quite a bit indeed.
"What?"
"My shield, did you touch it?"
"No, I didn't touch your shield."
"Who else was in here?"
"No one."
"Someone had to be in here. Someone touched my shield."
"You're insane."
Ahhh...me.
After a long treadmill session (long for me at least) on Thursday night my feet were ripped wide open again so I didn't use the treadmill at all on Friday. Saturday I put in one long session instead of two, and went back to doing intervals on Sunday. This morning I skipped my session as I wasn't feeling well, but I figure I'll do a longer set of intervals tonight and maybe a little extra lifting. I've been experimenting with different ways of doing my lifting sets but I think the fact that I'm using such little weight is going to ultimately limit what I can do for now.
So Friday night looked promising, it looked like there were going to be quite a few people around, and then suddenly no one was around, and I was horribly disappointed. I made a brief and ultimately boring return to the strip club scene and then headed home to find that my XBOX no longer worked and my washing machine hated me. I found myself in the midst of a funk. It was just short of three in the morning and I couldn't get my head out of it. I was suddenly, and unexpectedly, depressed. What the fuck? I wanted to call people up and go, what are you doing? Let's go out, right now. I don't care what time it is, or that everything is closed. We used to hang out at three in the morning, what the fuck happened?
Saturday I did some exercise and watched some tv. I mostly just alternated between sleeping and steadying myself because I was quickly going to an unpleasant place and it was very important to me that I didn't fall that far that fast. I don't wish to find out if I'm still as resilient as I was just a short time ago. So much has gone on lately that I'd rather not push my luck.
Once I'd overcome the doldrums I headed over to the kids house to watch a movie, then took to the road for a bit to make sure I was all good. Nothing interesting materialized Saturday night so I just headed home and watched some more tv.
Sunday I watched in horror as Spain beat Italy on PK's. As devastated as I was the rookie and I headed over to Bestbuy to pick up a new wire for my XBOX. Damn thing still didn't work. We also stopped at the book store and though I couldn't find anything that really piqued my interest I picked up three new books that I'll read while I also muddle through McCullough's 1776. The rest of the night is sort of a blur. I just remember it suddenly being ten o'clock, then two in the morning, and then I felt like I had a fever and my back hurt like hell, then I had the radio on and I was on to something else.
And finally George Carlin died last night. I heard it on the radio early this morning and though I was still half asleep I was totally torn apart. Carlin ranks up there with my all time heroes. At one point the list went Dylan Thomas, George Carlin, Mickey Mantle, and my grandfather. And if you're only behind Mickey Mantle and my grandfather on a list of people I hold in such high regard then you're in a pretty good place. A lot of the things I found funny about Carlin I disagreed with on other levels, but I still found him funny and thought provoking. He will be missed.
So I damn near lost my mind this weekend, and now I have quite a few things I have to do (including getting my suit cleaned) and we'll see which way things go over the next few weeks. The one thing I'm certain of is that I'll be writing quite a bit over the next few weeks. Quite a bit indeed.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Brief
Last night I saw someone who I had forgotten existed, and certainly had no intention of ever seeing again.
Last night I thought of someone who I hadn't thought of much very lately, but who I am certain will be on my mind near constantly for the foreseeable future.
Last night I talked to someone I miss quite a bit, someone who I was beginning to fear I would never hear from again.
Last night I intended to see a good number of people I have not seen in far too long, and was stymied in my ambition by coincidence, happenstance, and the very randomness of being.
Last night I lived.
Last night I died.
Last night I was born again.
Again.
Or so it would seem.
Last night I thought of someone who I hadn't thought of much very lately, but who I am certain will be on my mind near constantly for the foreseeable future.
Last night I talked to someone I miss quite a bit, someone who I was beginning to fear I would never hear from again.
Last night I intended to see a good number of people I have not seen in far too long, and was stymied in my ambition by coincidence, happenstance, and the very randomness of being.
Last night I lived.
Last night I died.
Last night I was born again.
Again.
Or so it would seem.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Blood & Blisters: A New Palomba Experience
So for the first time in about ten years I'm attempting to exercise on a regular basis, I knew it was going to be difficult but it turns out I was wrong about how it was going to be difficult.
I thought I was going to have to force myself to do what I was doing everyday and instead I find that I'm excited, and eager to do the things I'm doing. I like walking on the treadmill, even if I'm not entirely used to it. I enjoy lifting weights again, even though what I'm doing now doesn't even resemble what I used to do.
But it's proven difficult in other ways. I used to have really good wind for a big guy, used to take a lot to tire me out. I knew it would be different now, but I wasn't sure how different. I'd thought I was lowballing myself when I guessed how long I could jog for. Turns out I was spot on. It's almost not even worth starting when you can only last a few minutes. But I also took to walking with great ease. What tired me out on the first day was ridiculously easy by the third, and by the fifth I was able to easily triple what I did the first day. This isn't all that remarkable since what I did was rather pitiful, but it was good enough for me to start. Then I hit my first roadblock. I was walking in shoes not meant to be abused like that and it was cutting up the top of my feet, so I got rid of the shoes and went at it barefoot, after a couple of miles of that between days 4 & 5 my feet were left a bloody blistered mess. And thought I put in a mile yesterday morning, last night and this morning my feet hurt so bad I couldn't get on the treadmill at all. Tonight I plan to start again, but this time I'll wear the shoes anyway and this weekend I'll set out to find something better.
I'm also going to pick up a new Foreman grill and some chicken and see if I can't make some of my own recipes up. I imagine it turning out vaguely like my early cooking experiences back in grade school (I don't understand mom, I like tunafish, I like watermelon, and I like peanut butter, why can't they all go together in the blender?)
I'm also getting a bit bored. I haven't done much but work these past two weeks, so I might go out for a drink on my own this evening, and then get some exercise in before calling it a night and heading up to a camp tomorrow morning for a meeting about the summer.
Yeah, everything seems a bit off right now. But...well, I'm just getting started.
Again.
I thought I was going to have to force myself to do what I was doing everyday and instead I find that I'm excited, and eager to do the things I'm doing. I like walking on the treadmill, even if I'm not entirely used to it. I enjoy lifting weights again, even though what I'm doing now doesn't even resemble what I used to do.
But it's proven difficult in other ways. I used to have really good wind for a big guy, used to take a lot to tire me out. I knew it would be different now, but I wasn't sure how different. I'd thought I was lowballing myself when I guessed how long I could jog for. Turns out I was spot on. It's almost not even worth starting when you can only last a few minutes. But I also took to walking with great ease. What tired me out on the first day was ridiculously easy by the third, and by the fifth I was able to easily triple what I did the first day. This isn't all that remarkable since what I did was rather pitiful, but it was good enough for me to start. Then I hit my first roadblock. I was walking in shoes not meant to be abused like that and it was cutting up the top of my feet, so I got rid of the shoes and went at it barefoot, after a couple of miles of that between days 4 & 5 my feet were left a bloody blistered mess. And thought I put in a mile yesterday morning, last night and this morning my feet hurt so bad I couldn't get on the treadmill at all. Tonight I plan to start again, but this time I'll wear the shoes anyway and this weekend I'll set out to find something better.
I'm also going to pick up a new Foreman grill and some chicken and see if I can't make some of my own recipes up. I imagine it turning out vaguely like my early cooking experiences back in grade school (I don't understand mom, I like tunafish, I like watermelon, and I like peanut butter, why can't they all go together in the blender?)
I'm also getting a bit bored. I haven't done much but work these past two weeks, so I might go out for a drink on my own this evening, and then get some exercise in before calling it a night and heading up to a camp tomorrow morning for a meeting about the summer.
Yeah, everything seems a bit off right now. But...well, I'm just getting started.
Again.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Piddle
O' this dark endeavor
this earnest call to arms
actions lost in clouds of dust
dreams that once were ours
Memories of sound and light
visions of old friends gone
edicts wrought by wiser men
lies we've told too long
Time that no longer bends but breaks
truths we've spread too thin
words whose meanings we've long since lost
feelings we'll never feel again
And here I sit,
yes here I'll wait,
on this foreign yet familiar shore
longing only to know a single thing
and nothing less nor more...
In the Darkness,
filled with fear,
when neither light nor happiness
draws near,
do you think of me...do you think of me at all?
this earnest call to arms
actions lost in clouds of dust
dreams that once were ours
Memories of sound and light
visions of old friends gone
edicts wrought by wiser men
lies we've told too long
Time that no longer bends but breaks
truths we've spread too thin
words whose meanings we've long since lost
feelings we'll never feel again
And here I sit,
yes here I'll wait,
on this foreign yet familiar shore
longing only to know a single thing
and nothing less nor more...
In the Darkness,
filled with fear,
when neither light nor happiness
draws near,
do you think of me...do you think of me at all?
Silence Shattered
Well...
I've been writing a lot lately, and posting very little for a few reasons.
Those reasons being that I've just been busy, that I wasn't feeling well for a bit and tried actually resting to feel better, and that I've been sorting through a lot in my head.
I'll take a minute to discuss all this.
First...
Lots of bids this week, just ridiculous amount of bids not just for this summer but for next school year. Lots of bills to get caught up on. Lots of paper work in general. Doing stuff for financing on the busses I just bought and stuff for the accountant who still hasn't done our year ends. My uncle's mother died last week, and though I barely knew her I knew her enough to know she was a good woman and I liked her. That meant I had to go to a wake on Thursday and a funeral on Friday and though it cut into my actual work schedule very little it slowed me down enough to put me behind again.
Second...
So I wasn't feeling well again, that happens quite a bit. I was also pretty exhausted, so I was picking and choosing when and how I was resting. I'm feeling quite a bit better now and even a little less tired. But still tired...and hungry. Which brings me to...
Third...
It's only been a week and a half but I've been trying to eat better and exercise more. The weights and treadmill got delivered early so I've been lifting and walking for a couple of days now. It's been over a week since I've drank any soda, had any fast food or take-out food at all, and just in general eaten anything unhealthy. I don't cook so that means I've been eating raw vegetables and fruit pretty much exclusively for the past ten days. I've been eating fresh mozzarella and roasted red peppers when the fruit wasn't cutting it, but we're just starting here folks. Baby steps, baby steps.
I'm fairly confident that I can keep up the light exercise. I'm not doing so much that it's a burden right now, when I get tired, I stop. If I feel winded, I stop. If I'm too sore, I stop. I'm just warming up really, it's going to take a really long time for me to get this sorted.
The food is another story altogether. As long as I have healthy food immediately available I'm absolutely certain I can keep it up. If I open my refrigerator and there's watermelon and green peppers there, I'm good. If I can drink some pure apple juice, there's no need for soda. As long as I get to the grocery store twice a week I'll be golden. But when I miss, just once...well it's a hell of a lot easier to get a pizza delivered or pick-up a burger at the drive-thru then it is to hunt down something healthy. It will be a challenge.
My next step is to pick up a new Foreman Grill, because at some point I'm going to need me some chicken. I can go months without red meat as long as I can eat chicken. So I figure grilling some chicken with either some Adobo seasoning or hot sauce once or twice a week won't hurt me too bad.
I really would kill for a #6 Biggie Size with a Sprite right about now though, know what I'm saying?
~
Other things...
~
Stan Winston died yesterday. For those of you who don't know he was the major Hollywood special effect genius. It pretty much went Ray Harryhausen and then Stan Winston as far as my admiration for that type of creative talent went. He was only 62.
Tim Russert died on Friday. He was one of those guys I genuinely looked up to in the field of journalism. When I was studying journalism in college if there was one guy I could have been it would have been him. He was only 58.
~
Turi brought me the new drawings for my wall unit. It's going to be awesome. I picked up a few more Moore statues and ordered the two Daredevil LSB's I've been eyeing for a while. I also pre-ordered the new Hellboy II PF to go with the Hellboy PF I won on Ebay last week. I'm genuinely excited about that, and almost a little nervous about how pissed the old man is going to be when he gets back...in a few hours.
~
Little sister's birthday is tomorrow. She turns th-*cough*-en, I mean thir-*cough*-n, I mean...shit, I can't say it. She turns twelve again. How about that. That makes me feel better.
~
Money...well this is a fun one. See I have money hidden away in various places, but I did something last week I didn't want to do. I dipped into the savings. Between the backyard and the exercise stuff I was in the whole eight grand. Add to that my wildly out of control Collection and I was a bit in the stinker. I know I could just take more money. I know I could just do whatever I want really, but I'm sort of in an awkward place right now. I sort of like not carrying around three grand at all times. Just makes me more...careful.
~
So I haven't been to a go-go bar in...a month? Could that be right? It's something like that though. The guys haven't really been around, and I've been sort of busy, and the last three times I would have gone...I couldn't go. Sort of makes things a little boring lately. No fast food, no drinking and no whoring. What kind of life is that?
~
I also haven't seen anyone much lately. It's been at least a month since I've seen Nick or Forti, haven't really heard from Gonzo lately, I saw Sean and Nate last weekend but it's probably been a few weeks since I've hung with Jere. I've been stopping by to see Mrs.K at open youth room the past few weeks, and ran into Michelle and a couple of the other younger kids there. But I haven't seen anyone from team and since my momentary ineptitude wiped out the planned trip for the 7th I don't know when I'll be lucky enough to see any of them. It sounds awfully lonely, but the truth is I only notice when I have a moment to slow down long enough to think about it...like right now.
~
So...in summary. I'm trying some new things, missing some old friends, excited about stuff I have no right to be excited about. Now if only I had enough time to sleep and hit up the go-go bar I'd be all set.
I've been writing a lot lately, and posting very little for a few reasons.
Those reasons being that I've just been busy, that I wasn't feeling well for a bit and tried actually resting to feel better, and that I've been sorting through a lot in my head.
I'll take a minute to discuss all this.
First...
Lots of bids this week, just ridiculous amount of bids not just for this summer but for next school year. Lots of bills to get caught up on. Lots of paper work in general. Doing stuff for financing on the busses I just bought and stuff for the accountant who still hasn't done our year ends. My uncle's mother died last week, and though I barely knew her I knew her enough to know she was a good woman and I liked her. That meant I had to go to a wake on Thursday and a funeral on Friday and though it cut into my actual work schedule very little it slowed me down enough to put me behind again.
Second...
So I wasn't feeling well again, that happens quite a bit. I was also pretty exhausted, so I was picking and choosing when and how I was resting. I'm feeling quite a bit better now and even a little less tired. But still tired...and hungry. Which brings me to...
Third...
It's only been a week and a half but I've been trying to eat better and exercise more. The weights and treadmill got delivered early so I've been lifting and walking for a couple of days now. It's been over a week since I've drank any soda, had any fast food or take-out food at all, and just in general eaten anything unhealthy. I don't cook so that means I've been eating raw vegetables and fruit pretty much exclusively for the past ten days. I've been eating fresh mozzarella and roasted red peppers when the fruit wasn't cutting it, but we're just starting here folks. Baby steps, baby steps.
I'm fairly confident that I can keep up the light exercise. I'm not doing so much that it's a burden right now, when I get tired, I stop. If I feel winded, I stop. If I'm too sore, I stop. I'm just warming up really, it's going to take a really long time for me to get this sorted.
The food is another story altogether. As long as I have healthy food immediately available I'm absolutely certain I can keep it up. If I open my refrigerator and there's watermelon and green peppers there, I'm good. If I can drink some pure apple juice, there's no need for soda. As long as I get to the grocery store twice a week I'll be golden. But when I miss, just once...well it's a hell of a lot easier to get a pizza delivered or pick-up a burger at the drive-thru then it is to hunt down something healthy. It will be a challenge.
My next step is to pick up a new Foreman Grill, because at some point I'm going to need me some chicken. I can go months without red meat as long as I can eat chicken. So I figure grilling some chicken with either some Adobo seasoning or hot sauce once or twice a week won't hurt me too bad.
I really would kill for a #6 Biggie Size with a Sprite right about now though, know what I'm saying?
~
Other things...
~
Stan Winston died yesterday. For those of you who don't know he was the major Hollywood special effect genius. It pretty much went Ray Harryhausen and then Stan Winston as far as my admiration for that type of creative talent went. He was only 62.
Tim Russert died on Friday. He was one of those guys I genuinely looked up to in the field of journalism. When I was studying journalism in college if there was one guy I could have been it would have been him. He was only 58.
~
Turi brought me the new drawings for my wall unit. It's going to be awesome. I picked up a few more Moore statues and ordered the two Daredevil LSB's I've been eyeing for a while. I also pre-ordered the new Hellboy II PF to go with the Hellboy PF I won on Ebay last week. I'm genuinely excited about that, and almost a little nervous about how pissed the old man is going to be when he gets back...in a few hours.
~
Little sister's birthday is tomorrow. She turns th-*cough*-en, I mean thir-*cough*-n, I mean...shit, I can't say it. She turns twelve again. How about that. That makes me feel better.
~
Money...well this is a fun one. See I have money hidden away in various places, but I did something last week I didn't want to do. I dipped into the savings. Between the backyard and the exercise stuff I was in the whole eight grand. Add to that my wildly out of control Collection and I was a bit in the stinker. I know I could just take more money. I know I could just do whatever I want really, but I'm sort of in an awkward place right now. I sort of like not carrying around three grand at all times. Just makes me more...careful.
~
So I haven't been to a go-go bar in...a month? Could that be right? It's something like that though. The guys haven't really been around, and I've been sort of busy, and the last three times I would have gone...I couldn't go. Sort of makes things a little boring lately. No fast food, no drinking and no whoring. What kind of life is that?
~
I also haven't seen anyone much lately. It's been at least a month since I've seen Nick or Forti, haven't really heard from Gonzo lately, I saw Sean and Nate last weekend but it's probably been a few weeks since I've hung with Jere. I've been stopping by to see Mrs.K at open youth room the past few weeks, and ran into Michelle and a couple of the other younger kids there. But I haven't seen anyone from team and since my momentary ineptitude wiped out the planned trip for the 7th I don't know when I'll be lucky enough to see any of them. It sounds awfully lonely, but the truth is I only notice when I have a moment to slow down long enough to think about it...like right now.
~
So...in summary. I'm trying some new things, missing some old friends, excited about stuff I have no right to be excited about. Now if only I had enough time to sleep and hit up the go-go bar I'd be all set.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Huzza-What?
No matter what the scenario beautiful women only talk to me when money is involved.
As much as I'm enjoying this healthy eating thing I'd kill a motherfucker for a #6 Biggie Size with a Sprite.
My weights will arrive tomorrow, my treadmill won't be here for two weeks.
I was supposed to be at a wake four minutes ago.
I miss people.
I want my statue.
When the hell did the world go all screwy?
Fuck A Duck.
As much as I'm enjoying this healthy eating thing I'd kill a motherfucker for a #6 Biggie Size with a Sprite.
My weights will arrive tomorrow, my treadmill won't be here for two weeks.
I was supposed to be at a wake four minutes ago.
I miss people.
I want my statue.
When the hell did the world go all screwy?
Fuck A Duck.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Well Hello There...
There can be no doubt.
There can be no uncertainty.
What is going to happen here was going to happen no matter what.
We couldn't stop it.
Did we really even want to?
I don't know, I don't know.
I don't really want to know.
I did everything wrong.
I knew that then. I know that now. I will know that long after they have come and long after they have gone.
The horror...
There can be no mistake.
This was the only way it could be.
They are coming for me.
They are coming for me.
They are coming for me.
They are here...
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
There can be no uncertainty.
What is going to happen here was going to happen no matter what.
We couldn't stop it.
Did we really even want to?
I don't know, I don't know.
I don't really want to know.
I did everything wrong.
I knew that then. I know that now. I will know that long after they have come and long after they have gone.
The horror...
There can be no mistake.
This was the only way it could be.
They are coming for me.
They are coming for me.
They are coming for me.
They are here...
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Decisions, Delusions, Disappointments, and Other Words That May Or May Not Start With "D"
First things first. Rumor has it that Tim has just landed a job with a major insurance company, good for him, he's already such a big shot that's he's not returning my calls. I just RSVPed to my cousin Steven's wedding, I'm sure it will be a good time, and by good time I mean that if you know my family you know how bad of an idea it is to put two Palomba's in a room together nevermind two hundred. Turi is working on building a wall unit for my office. It's going to be something wicked and it will hold my ever growing collection. I'm excited. I've decided that the centerpieces of the collection will be three items I don't even have yet. The first being the legendary Matt Rose Hellboy 1:1 bust which I just won off ebay at a pretty good price, I hope the item is in as good condition as it is described. The second will be the #4 Ol' Scratch Bronze from the Shiflett Brothers. As I like to remind anyone who will listen even if they don't know what it means Richard Taylor from WETA got the first one, director Peter Jackson got the third one, and the fourth one? Right here baby. Well not yet, but in four to six weeks or so. And the third piece will be the IronMan 1:1 from Sideshow. This probably won't be out till the fall. But I can wait. I'm trying to learn patience.
~
The Antioch Team outing for tomorrow fell apart. I'm pretty disappointed because I miss everybody and it would be good to see them right about now. But at the same time I know I'll get to see everyone soon one way or the other. Still, you can't help but notice that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you wonder if a good run has come to an end. If something that once was is now no more. I know that I fucked up this outing. I just haven't had it the past few weeks, haven't been my usual self I guess, but I'll be more on the ball next time. Yes indeed. Next time.
~
Money is becoming an issue. Mainly because I want it to be. Gas prices are out of control which means a lot of the excess income we had is going down the toilet, but we'll still make far more than we need if you ask me. I tried a funny thing this year by switching over to direct deposit and splitting my check in three. I get a couple of bucks every week, a few hundred goes into savings and few hundred goes into an operating account. Previously I'd only saved whatever I couldn't find a fun way to spend by the end of the year. That may sound stupid, but that usually left me with quite a chunk. Then I bought a house...bye-bye savings. That was in '06, in '07 I had a $35,000 tax bill to take care of. And I still managed to bank low five figures. This year, despite the spending I've made an effort to save. Between the collection, several thousand dollars in home improvements, go-go dancers, and just general moneys I've spent I've burned through roughly $35,000 in the past few months. At the same time I haven't spent a penny of the money that I made this year. So in reality...I'm even. I haven't made any money, but despite all the crap I've spent money on, I haven't lost money either. Problem is...it's only June. So I'll be reassessing my budget rather shortly. I sort of enjoy things more when I pretend like I'm broke, but I know that's only because I'm playing with a pretty substantial safety net. I've been broke before and really being broke is no fun...obviously.
~
Another problem recently has been my ridiculous weight. I'm up around 375lbs nowadays. That's disgusting, but the truth is it's never really bothered me. I've never really thought about it. I was disgusting at 200 lbs 10 years ago. I'll be disgusting if I ever get down around that again. I'm ugly, I know that, but it doesn't bother me. I don't think about it. It's sort of a joke really. It doesn't stop me, or even slow me down. But now being fat is starting to be a problem. I had some health problems a few months back, nothing major and in fact I found out that my health is a hell of a lot better than should be expected. But the doctor made a good point, if you're in good health now imagine how you'd be if you lost some weight? And that if I've been lucky so far why continue to risk it? I knew he was right, but somehow, for months I haven't done anything about it. So now I've made a decision...I need to do something. What? I don't know. But something. And I need to start right now.
~
What else? Social life is non-existent. Not just because of work, but because, well for no good real reason. It seems like no one is around lately, but I guess that's not really true either. Last weekend I went to Wizard World and my cousin's graduation, weekend before that I spent almost all of with the kids, weekend before that I think we went to Atlantic City, weekend before that I think we played cars and went to the bar. That means even though I feel like I haven't seen anyone in a month...I've actually been pretty busy. Odd.
So yeah, I don't know. Got some shit to sort out in my head tonight. Few things to try and figure out as we go. Not the end of the world really. Not yet anyhow.
~
The Antioch Team outing for tomorrow fell apart. I'm pretty disappointed because I miss everybody and it would be good to see them right about now. But at the same time I know I'll get to see everyone soon one way or the other. Still, you can't help but notice that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you wonder if a good run has come to an end. If something that once was is now no more. I know that I fucked up this outing. I just haven't had it the past few weeks, haven't been my usual self I guess, but I'll be more on the ball next time. Yes indeed. Next time.
~
Money is becoming an issue. Mainly because I want it to be. Gas prices are out of control which means a lot of the excess income we had is going down the toilet, but we'll still make far more than we need if you ask me. I tried a funny thing this year by switching over to direct deposit and splitting my check in three. I get a couple of bucks every week, a few hundred goes into savings and few hundred goes into an operating account. Previously I'd only saved whatever I couldn't find a fun way to spend by the end of the year. That may sound stupid, but that usually left me with quite a chunk. Then I bought a house...bye-bye savings. That was in '06, in '07 I had a $35,000 tax bill to take care of. And I still managed to bank low five figures. This year, despite the spending I've made an effort to save. Between the collection, several thousand dollars in home improvements, go-go dancers, and just general moneys I've spent I've burned through roughly $35,000 in the past few months. At the same time I haven't spent a penny of the money that I made this year. So in reality...I'm even. I haven't made any money, but despite all the crap I've spent money on, I haven't lost money either. Problem is...it's only June. So I'll be reassessing my budget rather shortly. I sort of enjoy things more when I pretend like I'm broke, but I know that's only because I'm playing with a pretty substantial safety net. I've been broke before and really being broke is no fun...obviously.
~
Another problem recently has been my ridiculous weight. I'm up around 375lbs nowadays. That's disgusting, but the truth is it's never really bothered me. I've never really thought about it. I was disgusting at 200 lbs 10 years ago. I'll be disgusting if I ever get down around that again. I'm ugly, I know that, but it doesn't bother me. I don't think about it. It's sort of a joke really. It doesn't stop me, or even slow me down. But now being fat is starting to be a problem. I had some health problems a few months back, nothing major and in fact I found out that my health is a hell of a lot better than should be expected. But the doctor made a good point, if you're in good health now imagine how you'd be if you lost some weight? And that if I've been lucky so far why continue to risk it? I knew he was right, but somehow, for months I haven't done anything about it. So now I've made a decision...I need to do something. What? I don't know. But something. And I need to start right now.
~
What else? Social life is non-existent. Not just because of work, but because, well for no good real reason. It seems like no one is around lately, but I guess that's not really true either. Last weekend I went to Wizard World and my cousin's graduation, weekend before that I spent almost all of with the kids, weekend before that I think we went to Atlantic City, weekend before that I think we played cars and went to the bar. That means even though I feel like I haven't seen anyone in a month...I've actually been pretty busy. Odd.
So yeah, I don't know. Got some shit to sort out in my head tonight. Few things to try and figure out as we go. Not the end of the world really. Not yet anyhow.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Hob's Lessons and The All Morning Blues
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
~
"Dude she was totally flirting with you."
"What? No she wasn't."
"Yes, yes she was."
"She's like that every day."
"Then she's flirting with you everyday."
"No way. She's way too hot to be flirting with a lump like me."
"I totally agree. But she's flirting with you anyway so I suggest you do something about it before she comes to her senses."
~
Damn. I'm tired. I got out of work at 3 A.M. Monday and originally planned on having someone else close-up so I could get out early Tuesday. Instead I ended up working till a little after 1 A.M. And then, just as I got home, I was called on to go retrieve some people and give them a ride and later return to the ghetto by myself to retrieve their car. It's pouring out this whole time, so by the time I get home it's 5 A.M. and I'm soaking wet. Few hours later I had a contractor's meeting, busted my ass in the office all afternoon. Stopped by the youth room for a few, cleaned up the house just a little bit, tossed and turned all night unable to sleep. Turi stopped by the office this morning to do some measurements for a wall unit for my collection. It's going to look really good.
It's been a rough couple of days, I go from being ahead one day to behind the next. I got a lot of shit on my mind. But things are still pretty good, not great right this second, but still pretty good. If I just get a little more sorted out, and get some sleep, I'll be doing just fine.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
The Hob must smile at the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
But The Hob must not touch the pretty girls.
~
"Dude she was totally flirting with you."
"What? No she wasn't."
"Yes, yes she was."
"She's like that every day."
"Then she's flirting with you everyday."
"No way. She's way too hot to be flirting with a lump like me."
"I totally agree. But she's flirting with you anyway so I suggest you do something about it before she comes to her senses."
~
Damn. I'm tired. I got out of work at 3 A.M. Monday and originally planned on having someone else close-up so I could get out early Tuesday. Instead I ended up working till a little after 1 A.M. And then, just as I got home, I was called on to go retrieve some people and give them a ride and later return to the ghetto by myself to retrieve their car. It's pouring out this whole time, so by the time I get home it's 5 A.M. and I'm soaking wet. Few hours later I had a contractor's meeting, busted my ass in the office all afternoon. Stopped by the youth room for a few, cleaned up the house just a little bit, tossed and turned all night unable to sleep. Turi stopped by the office this morning to do some measurements for a wall unit for my collection. It's going to look really good.
It's been a rough couple of days, I go from being ahead one day to behind the next. I got a lot of shit on my mind. But things are still pretty good, not great right this second, but still pretty good. If I just get a little more sorted out, and get some sleep, I'll be doing just fine.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Spring
Where do these feelings come from?
This joy that springs forth from the shadows scattering the darkness and chasing away every little drop of light.
This great joy that is a greater void.
Why do I smile?
Why do I laugh?
Why do I look across the room at blank expressions on blank faces waiting for my words to create on them, from them, a picture which will solve the previous problem while leading us onward towards the next?
This void. This loss. This empty dark space where I find myself...happy.
I have ventured into The Abyss.
I have ventured into The Abyss and survived.
I have created the void as a place to store my spare feelings until I learn how to use them properly, and in this void I find joy. And love. And ecstasy.
Into this void I bring happiness. A happiness which serves as my light in the darkness, a happiness whose mere existence confounds extremely, but whose miraculous survival astounds completely.
I am alive. I am well.
And till The Sickness takes me I hold The Darkness at bay and bellow at the top of my lungs...
MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN PALOMBA...AND I'M STILL HERE!
This joy that springs forth from the shadows scattering the darkness and chasing away every little drop of light.
This great joy that is a greater void.
Why do I smile?
Why do I laugh?
Why do I look across the room at blank expressions on blank faces waiting for my words to create on them, from them, a picture which will solve the previous problem while leading us onward towards the next?
This void. This loss. This empty dark space where I find myself...happy.
I have ventured into The Abyss.
I have ventured into The Abyss and survived.
I have created the void as a place to store my spare feelings until I learn how to use them properly, and in this void I find joy. And love. And ecstasy.
Into this void I bring happiness. A happiness which serves as my light in the darkness, a happiness whose mere existence confounds extremely, but whose miraculous survival astounds completely.
I am alive. I am well.
And till The Sickness takes me I hold The Darkness at bay and bellow at the top of my lungs...
MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN PALOMBA...AND I'M STILL HERE!
Holy Shit How Did It Get To Be So Late?
Every once and awhile I think, if only for a second, that I know exactly what I am doing.
Yesterday was James's graduation. He's a great kid, going to be a great man. I wish I could have given him some sort of grand advice, told him something that would help him on his way...but I couldn't.
I'm pretty happy with the way my life has worked out so far. If I died today there would be a lot of things I'd regret not doing, but very few things I would regret having done. When I'm tired I sleep, when I'm hungry I eat. When I'm lonely I call up one of my many friends, and when I want to be alone I shut myself off in my little fortress of solitude. I work hard when I have to, often harder when I don't have to. I know the value of a dollar, but I know it's worthless if you can't spend it on something that makes you happy. There are a lot of people I care a great deal about, and a lot of people I believe who genuinely care for me. I know a little bit about a lot, and a lot about a little bit. Never too much, usually just enough to get by. I'm fat, and I'm ugly, and I hurt entirely too much in entirely too many ways for someone who hasn't been around long enough to earn the right to feel all these things.
But I'm lucky.
God damn lucky.
Because I can see so much.
So how do you give advice to someone who you know is going to be a great success? Someone you know will far exceed any and all of your accomplishments? What advice do you offer them?
None really.
You just let them know that you're around in case they need to ask.
~
I fucked up the Antioch Team Outing for this Saturday. Totally my fault. I should have figured something out a long time ago, should have reminded people sooner, should have just tried harder. But I fucked it up. My first idea had been to arrange a dinner party at the monkey house at the Bronx Zoo. I know you can set it up for small groups, but it turned out to be a lot more difficult to get information that I had thought. And by the time I would have been able to pull it off, it would have been too late. I had thought about going to the beach for the afternoon, then taking a boat down the Barnegat Bay and docking at my uncle's restaurant for dinner. But the guy who owned the boat told me that he could only go so fast on the bay so a 3o minute trip by car could take 2 1/2 hours by boat...each way. And that not all the little harbors could take a boat of his size, but he wasn't sure about this particular harbor and though he was both very nice and very understanding in explaining numerous things to me,(Despite years of "sailing" with my father my knowledge of boats is limited to the fact that if they sink you've probably done something wrong) we weren't able to work anything out. My third idea was to find something that fit the date and go with it. The last leg of the Triple Crown is Saturday, but if I told any of this group we were going to The Belmont they'd probably assume I meant the tavern. So I'm sort of stuck. I still want to do something, but mostly I just don't want to drag everyone out and then totally disappoint them.
~
One of my busses got into an accident yesterday...in NYC...with a yellow Ferrari. It wasn't his fault, but still...a Ferrari. Fuck me.
~
Today was long, and sort of sucked. The Rookie/Psycho came by the office for a bit this afternoon. Talked to Goldberg for a few minutes, and then heard from Clopp who I haven't talked to in what? A year maybe? Good to hear he's doing so well. I was getting ready to leave when I realized there was something I had forgotten to do. So I finished it up real quickly, careful not to make any mistakes because I know when you're this tired you can get careless. Just as I'm getting ready to log out and shut down I see I have an e-mail. My first thought is that it's junk mail and I've been chasing junk mail waiting for e-mails from certain people all day. Who else would e-mail me at 2 in the morning? I was going to let it sit till tomorrow, but instead I opened AOL (yes I still use AOL for my e-mail, and frakkin pay for it too) and checked it out. Sure enough it was a response from The Shifletts.
If you don't know who The Shiflett Brothers are, well, then you're probably like about 99% of the rest of the population. And you're missing out. They are these two really cool sculptors from Texas who have done quite a few sculpts for bigger companies like Bowen Designs. I'd been checking out their website for a little while now, but most of their stuff is kits. And I can neither paint nor glue (how I passed kindergarten is still a mystery) so I was SOL. Then a little under two months ago they released a bronze of a kit I particularly liked called Ol' Scratch. Now, he's not technically a comic book character, but it's still cool. It's also pricey. And I don't like buying something unless I've gotten a good look at it. Problem is they were only making 18 of these things, and these guys are going to be huge soon if you ask me. So I couldn't wait long. I knew from following the site that the first statue went to Richard Taylor from WETA, but then I never heard anymore about the rest of them. Going into Wizard World this Saturday I was excited to meet The Shiflett Brothers (and Clay Moore as well) seeing as I admired their stuff so much. I had sort of given up hope on getting an Ol' Scratch though. I'm out of room for stuff like this, and I figured they'd sold all 18 pretty quick. So when I got to the Shiflett booth and saw an Ol' Scratch bronze sitting there a little hope swelled up inside me. First it's a lot smaller than I thought, which means it won't take up much room. Second, even if it was an AP, here one was sitting a few inches from me. Goldberg must have watched me stare at it for a good three minutes before he even bothered to interrupt. I don't know how long the guy sitting at the stand was talking to me before I realized it. We talked for a few minutes before I saw his tag and realized it was Brandon Shiflett (just like with Clay Moore I have no idea what these guys look like, I just know their work). I mentioned that I'd been thinking of getting one of the statues, but that I wanted to see it in person before I did. And then I asked how many he had left. When he replied that they'd only sold three I was sort of shocked. He reminded me pretty quickly (and somewhat defensively) that they'd only been for sale for a few weeks. I knew the first one went to Taylor, Brandon told me that the third one had just gone to Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame. We talked about the price for bronzing and the whatnot and then I asked if they were taking orders, he said sure, I could order right then and number 4 would be mine. I asked if they took Visa. He looked sort of disappointed. I wasn't about to drop that much cash right that second, so I regretably told him I'd have to send him an e-mail about arranging payment when I got home and just sort of hope that they hadn't sold #4.
The minute I got home I sent out the e-mail and began to eagerly wait for a response. I'm damn near anal about stuff like that. When I'm waiting for an e-mail I literally check my mailbox every ten minutes. Around the clock. Realistically I knew they wouldn't be getting back to me till after Wizard World ended, but I didn't care. I kept checking. I didn't even really care what their reply was, as long as their was a reply at this point. All day Sunday went by and nothing, all day Monday went by and nothing. I'd sent out the e-mail to the Antioch Team about Saturday and was slowly getting responses from them, but nothing from The Shifletts. I wasn't really expecting to hear back for at least a few more days, but then as I was getting ready to lock up...that e-mail.
This E-Mail:
Chris !
Trememdous! We're very excited. As I may have told you both Weta Workshop head Richard Taylor and Director Peter Jackson have just ordered a couple. But now we have you down for nubmer 4.
Hit us up with any more questions and thanks again.
Brandon and Jarrod Shiflett
Yeah...I guess if you stay up long enough on any given day something will happen that eventually makes it worth it.
It's just whether or not you can manage to stay up that long I suppose.
Yesterday was James's graduation. He's a great kid, going to be a great man. I wish I could have given him some sort of grand advice, told him something that would help him on his way...but I couldn't.
I'm pretty happy with the way my life has worked out so far. If I died today there would be a lot of things I'd regret not doing, but very few things I would regret having done. When I'm tired I sleep, when I'm hungry I eat. When I'm lonely I call up one of my many friends, and when I want to be alone I shut myself off in my little fortress of solitude. I work hard when I have to, often harder when I don't have to. I know the value of a dollar, but I know it's worthless if you can't spend it on something that makes you happy. There are a lot of people I care a great deal about, and a lot of people I believe who genuinely care for me. I know a little bit about a lot, and a lot about a little bit. Never too much, usually just enough to get by. I'm fat, and I'm ugly, and I hurt entirely too much in entirely too many ways for someone who hasn't been around long enough to earn the right to feel all these things.
But I'm lucky.
God damn lucky.
Because I can see so much.
So how do you give advice to someone who you know is going to be a great success? Someone you know will far exceed any and all of your accomplishments? What advice do you offer them?
None really.
You just let them know that you're around in case they need to ask.
~
I fucked up the Antioch Team Outing for this Saturday. Totally my fault. I should have figured something out a long time ago, should have reminded people sooner, should have just tried harder. But I fucked it up. My first idea had been to arrange a dinner party at the monkey house at the Bronx Zoo. I know you can set it up for small groups, but it turned out to be a lot more difficult to get information that I had thought. And by the time I would have been able to pull it off, it would have been too late. I had thought about going to the beach for the afternoon, then taking a boat down the Barnegat Bay and docking at my uncle's restaurant for dinner. But the guy who owned the boat told me that he could only go so fast on the bay so a 3o minute trip by car could take 2 1/2 hours by boat...each way. And that not all the little harbors could take a boat of his size, but he wasn't sure about this particular harbor and though he was both very nice and very understanding in explaining numerous things to me,(Despite years of "sailing" with my father my knowledge of boats is limited to the fact that if they sink you've probably done something wrong) we weren't able to work anything out. My third idea was to find something that fit the date and go with it. The last leg of the Triple Crown is Saturday, but if I told any of this group we were going to The Belmont they'd probably assume I meant the tavern. So I'm sort of stuck. I still want to do something, but mostly I just don't want to drag everyone out and then totally disappoint them.
~
One of my busses got into an accident yesterday...in NYC...with a yellow Ferrari. It wasn't his fault, but still...a Ferrari. Fuck me.
~
Today was long, and sort of sucked. The Rookie/Psycho came by the office for a bit this afternoon. Talked to Goldberg for a few minutes, and then heard from Clopp who I haven't talked to in what? A year maybe? Good to hear he's doing so well. I was getting ready to leave when I realized there was something I had forgotten to do. So I finished it up real quickly, careful not to make any mistakes because I know when you're this tired you can get careless. Just as I'm getting ready to log out and shut down I see I have an e-mail. My first thought is that it's junk mail and I've been chasing junk mail waiting for e-mails from certain people all day. Who else would e-mail me at 2 in the morning? I was going to let it sit till tomorrow, but instead I opened AOL (yes I still use AOL for my e-mail, and frakkin pay for it too) and checked it out. Sure enough it was a response from The Shifletts.
If you don't know who The Shiflett Brothers are, well, then you're probably like about 99% of the rest of the population. And you're missing out. They are these two really cool sculptors from Texas who have done quite a few sculpts for bigger companies like Bowen Designs. I'd been checking out their website for a little while now, but most of their stuff is kits. And I can neither paint nor glue (how I passed kindergarten is still a mystery) so I was SOL. Then a little under two months ago they released a bronze of a kit I particularly liked called Ol' Scratch. Now, he's not technically a comic book character, but it's still cool. It's also pricey. And I don't like buying something unless I've gotten a good look at it. Problem is they were only making 18 of these things, and these guys are going to be huge soon if you ask me. So I couldn't wait long. I knew from following the site that the first statue went to Richard Taylor from WETA, but then I never heard anymore about the rest of them. Going into Wizard World this Saturday I was excited to meet The Shiflett Brothers (and Clay Moore as well) seeing as I admired their stuff so much. I had sort of given up hope on getting an Ol' Scratch though. I'm out of room for stuff like this, and I figured they'd sold all 18 pretty quick. So when I got to the Shiflett booth and saw an Ol' Scratch bronze sitting there a little hope swelled up inside me. First it's a lot smaller than I thought, which means it won't take up much room. Second, even if it was an AP, here one was sitting a few inches from me. Goldberg must have watched me stare at it for a good three minutes before he even bothered to interrupt. I don't know how long the guy sitting at the stand was talking to me before I realized it. We talked for a few minutes before I saw his tag and realized it was Brandon Shiflett (just like with Clay Moore I have no idea what these guys look like, I just know their work). I mentioned that I'd been thinking of getting one of the statues, but that I wanted to see it in person before I did. And then I asked how many he had left. When he replied that they'd only sold three I was sort of shocked. He reminded me pretty quickly (and somewhat defensively) that they'd only been for sale for a few weeks. I knew the first one went to Taylor, Brandon told me that the third one had just gone to Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame. We talked about the price for bronzing and the whatnot and then I asked if they were taking orders, he said sure, I could order right then and number 4 would be mine. I asked if they took Visa. He looked sort of disappointed. I wasn't about to drop that much cash right that second, so I regretably told him I'd have to send him an e-mail about arranging payment when I got home and just sort of hope that they hadn't sold #4.
The minute I got home I sent out the e-mail and began to eagerly wait for a response. I'm damn near anal about stuff like that. When I'm waiting for an e-mail I literally check my mailbox every ten minutes. Around the clock. Realistically I knew they wouldn't be getting back to me till after Wizard World ended, but I didn't care. I kept checking. I didn't even really care what their reply was, as long as their was a reply at this point. All day Sunday went by and nothing, all day Monday went by and nothing. I'd sent out the e-mail to the Antioch Team about Saturday and was slowly getting responses from them, but nothing from The Shifletts. I wasn't really expecting to hear back for at least a few more days, but then as I was getting ready to lock up...that e-mail.
This E-Mail:
Chris !
Trememdous! We're very excited. As I may have told you both Weta Workshop head Richard Taylor and Director Peter Jackson have just ordered a couple. But now we have you down for nubmer 4.
Hit us up with any more questions and thanks again.
Brandon and Jarrod Shiflett
Yeah...I guess if you stay up long enough on any given day something will happen that eventually makes it worth it.
It's just whether or not you can manage to stay up that long I suppose.
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