And Everything Falls Apart

"I don't plan what's going to happen, I plan for what could happen, and then what happens...happens." - Palomba

Here we go again. And let's just remember. I'm still smiling.

"Life is just a series of extravagant failures punctuated by occassional, insignificant, successes." -Hob

Assume?

Why is it that when I assume I only make an ass out of me?

Someone explain to me how that is fair.

I'm going to attempt something rather dangerous tonight.

I'm going to attempt to go back in time.

I'm going to go back to when I was five years old and was standing out front of a church watching a wedding and this lady standing next to me that I didn't know kept saying, Chris look at this and Chris look at that till I finally turned around and said, on the verge of tears, "But I am looking!" Only to realize that there was another little boy standing next to me. Another little boy whose name turned out to be Chris.

I'm going to go back to that time when I was in high school and was explaining to this teacher about something that had happened at home when I realized this girl standing nearby had over heard. And as I realized she turned to me and said, "What?" And since I couldn't think of anything else to say I repeated what I had just said. I was confused by her look of shock. Only to realize that she hadn't heard me the first time, she had just happened to look up at the right time and wasn't questioning what I said but why I was looking at her.

I'm going to go back to that day when one of the guys pulled over next to me as I was walking home from football practice and without thinking I opened the car door and said thank you but I didn't need a ride I'd walk. Only to see that he had pulled over to pick something up that he had dropped on the floor.

I'm going to go back to the day where I was driving back to my apartment with a friend and we were talking about high school, and he said "I didn't realize you were the Outcast type." To which I responded that I wouldn't have considered myself an outcast, but certainly wasn't someone on the inside during high school due to a variety of reasons. Only to realize that Outkast was playing on the radio.

I'm going to go back to the day of SCILS graduation. After graduation a girl I had only met a few times came up to me and said congratulations, to which I said thank you. She looked at me funny, and again said congratulations. I said thank you again, only to realize that she wasn't talking to me. She didn't even know who I was.

And I'm going to go back to earlier tonight. When I made an unfair assumption that I certainly should not have made causing someone I care very much about to become sort of uncomfortable and causing me to have yet another awkward Palomba moment.

So, yes, tonight I'm going to attempt something rather dangerous.

And if that doesn't work out I'll just get together with the guys and have a few drinks.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Dreams: Or Oddly Plain Fantasies

"And though these dreams were meant for all, it is to I alone they fall." - Hob, from Piccadilly Dreams

If there was anything I could do to make this work, I would have already done it.

If faith alone was enough then it would be fine. But faith requires people. And people are so very often the problem.

People are this problem.

I am this problem.

For the first time, in my entire life, I have no answers. No right answers. No wrong answers. No answers at all.

I've been lost before. Been broken. Been beaten. Been down. But I've never been like this.

I almost can't believe there are still new challenges coming at this point.

So close to the end.

But that's the world we live in, and I'm always thankful I live in it, because things would be a lot less interesting if it was any other way.

I ask for very little but the possibility that things could work out, and rarely am I disappointed. I'm afraid though. Afraid of the impossible...or more appropriately afraid of the lack of possibilities.

If there was ever anywhere where the impossible was possible this is surely the place. And if there was ever a time where we needed the impossible to be possible...it is now.

"And so these dreams once fit for none, now belong to everyone." - Hob, from Piccadilly Dreams

Letter Pt.2

Dear God,

You're a real pisser, you know that?

Your friend,
Palomba

P.S. - I still got this one...but nice try, really.

Letter

Dear God,

I got this one on my own...really.

Your Friend,
Palomba

P.S. - I'm not broken anymore. But thanks for looking out for me while I was.

Things

Things I Am Sort Of Afraid Of

1. Inadvertently Plagiarizing Someone Else's Work

2. That I Will Die Alone

3. Herpes

4. Already Chewed Chewing Gum

5. Losing An Eye

6. General Failure

Things I Used To Sort Of Be Afraid Of

1. The Dark

2. Sharks In My Swimming Pool

3. Heights

4. The Doorknob That Turned Into Goofy In Mickey's Christmas Carol

Things I Probably Should Be Afraid Of

1. Diabetes

2. Heart Attacks

3. Going Broke

Yeah...so...I don't know. I was reading through an old journal of mine and found two quotes that I really liked. Thing is in my personal journal I don't attribute quotes from other people because I so rarely use them and I assume that I will remember where they came from if they were special enough to use. Except this was five years ago or so and I have no idea where I got them from. They're too good to be my own. But I can't find them anywhere else. So here they are totally out of context, but maybe someone will recognize them and let me know.

"God save us all the men who venture to adventure, and more so those of us who leave and simply fall into it."

"Under the guidance of the stars we go, protected by the moon, driven by the sun, accompanied only by each other."

Fair?

So let's be fair here. To me of course. Fuck everybody else.

No seriously.

I did something pretty shitty. But I don't know why I feel shitty about doing it. It didn't hurt anybody, it won't hurt anybody. It's not like I meant to do it, not like I got anything out of it, or could in any way profit from it. I'm not ashamed, or embarrassed, or shy about it. It's not like it makes me the bad guy.

But it happened.

And that sort of pisses me off.

I'm supposed to be in control. I'm supposed to have everything just so. I'm supposed to be the one that calls the shots. I say the word and the whole world shifts three inches to the right.

I'm the boss.

I'm the king.

I'm the Hob.

And of course I've gone and hobbed things all up.

But let's be fair here...it's not like I've done anything wrong...so why do I feel so shitty about it?

Bravery-ish-ness

The Adventures of a Yet T0 Be Named Masked Avenger and His Sidekick Twat-Boy

Jeremiah and I have decided that if things don't start going smashingly in both of our respective lives that we could always become either a crime fighting duo or super criminals. Either way we've decided that since Jere actually has a life he'll be my sidekick that way in interferes less. I haven't come up with a name for myself yet, but I've already dubbed Jere Twat-Boy. See that works either way if we're good guys or bad guys. Twat-Boy is sort of ambiguous like.

Old Spice and Stale Crullers or Why I Love The Girl From Dunkin' Donuts

Ha, yeah, so. I've developed a slight addiction to iced coffee. I hate it. Never drink regular coffee, don't enjoy iced coffee, but I like going to Dunkin' Donuts. And I like having a routine, you know, you start off every morning with a nice large iced coffee...which most of the time I don't even drink. I go into Dunkin' Donuts every morning (sometimes early sometimes late) and try to speak to the same girl and order the same thing. If it's just me it's one large iced coffee cream and sugar. If it's everybody in the office it's four medium coffees, two milk one sugar (Phil&Bob), one cream and sugar (Monica), one decaf milk no sugar (Dad) and one large iced coffee cream and sugar (me). Sometimes I get two boston creme donuts as well. Or maybe two blueberry muffins with butter. I'm rather routine when ordering, but I always remember to smile and nod politely to confirm my order when the girl repeats it. All the girls in Dunkin' Donuts are very nice. Mostly they get my order right as well. One sort of meanders taking her time and asking me to repeat my order. One is quick and efficient always getting the order correct. One is so cute it makes me sick.

How Guitar Hero III Ruined My Life

Rookie and I are playing a lot of Guitar Hero III. A lot of Guitar Hero III. It's getting so bad that yesterday I went and bought an entire game package just so we could get a second guitar because they haven't released the extra guitars yet. I didn't care how much it cost. We needed to rock. Ha...

Fuck-A-Duck

Yeah there's really nothing to go with this one. I just wanted to use the phrase fuck-a-duck in a post. And there we go I've done it twice.

Harry Houdini Was A Hardcore Motherfucker

He was. Really. People don't realize. Harry Houdini could have kicked your ass, gotten arrested for it, escaped because he was good at that shit, fly away in his plane because he was one of the great early aviators, then write a book about it because he did that too. He also invented a safe scuba suit, so if he was near water he could have done that shit too. Harry was a hardcore motherfucker. Wish I could have met him. Instead I'm going to head over to NY one of these days and leave flowers at his grave. I know, not the same thing, but still.

Is That A Wocket In Your Pocket or are you Just Happy to see me?

And finally. I've just run through another cell phone. The plumbing in my house is shot. My pants don't fit anymore. My shoulder still hurts like a bitch. Even though I'm sitting on a pile of money I can't prove that the company is making any money. I'm sick and tired. I'm bored but busy. Everything and everyone is totally fucked. And Antioch starts this Sunday. So everything is going to be ok...