Got To Love The Lord For Making Things Like That

So everything is in the shitter. We knew that already. No surprises here.

What is a surprise is that after a 16 hour workday, after doing laundry, and picking up the dry cleaning, and cleaning up the living room (a bit), and getting my postal issues sorted out, and so on and so on and so on. I managed to, a little after half past ten, find a moment to breathe. And when the only thing that would have set me straight, the only thing I really wanted tonight didn't go anywhere near as planned...I found something else. And something else. And something else. Right up until I began to feel better.

I remember this magazine cover, maybe Time, maybe Newsweek, hell maybe all the way back to Life for all I know. And on the cover was somebody smiling (a politician maybe? an athlete? I don't really recall) and the caption on the cover was "Why Is This Man Smiling?" And somewhere inside was an article that obviously explained why the man was smiling but for the life of me I don't know what that explanation was. But I still remember, and probably always will, the feeling that caption stirred in me. Why is this man smiling? Like simply being happy wasn't enough. And it sort of made me smile. Sort of made me smile quite a bit.

So here I was buying two stale ass buttered rolls from 7-11 at 1:30 in the morning watching my entire world fall apart, grinning like a god damn fool and thinking..."Why Is This Man Smiling?"

And for the life of me...I didn't know.

And I didn't care.

Not one bit.

Days Off, Dragon's Tails, and Dogs Misbehavin'

Well, well, well.

So.

Things are about as fucked as they've ever been. And I'm sort of glad for it. I spend so much time stopping things from going wrong that when they've finally gone wrong and I no longer need to exert myself with futile attempts at prevention I can now focus on my strength. I can now focus on what I'm truly good at.

Fixing things.

So it begins.

Thursday night I thought there would be people around but it didn't work out like that so I paid a visit (a great visit) to an old friend and enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Friday I took off. Got little or nothing done, but relaxed quite a bit. I got a batch of statues in. Sideshow's Ironman Mark II Archive was nice but smaller than I expected. The Daredevil Milestones Statue was great. Bowen's Chrome Collosus had a scratched up base, but was still in pretty good condition. And Bowen's Hellboy immediately became one of my favorite statues. However one of my most sought after pieces arrived, Moore's Draco by the Shiflett Brothers. I was thrilled it was in such great shape as the statue is rarely found in mint condition and this one appeared to have all it's spikes. I was excited until I realized there was a huge chip of paint missing off the tail. Then I was distraught. I'm now searching anxiously for someone to do the paint repairs.

Friday night I spent a little too much time misbehaving. And though I certainly look forward to misbehaving again very soon for the most part I'll remain my normal well mannered slightly harsh well behaving self.

Today I'm going to go visit the kids and watch a movie, and call around to see if any of the guys are up for doing anything. This next week is going to be a long and painful one followed by many long and painful months. It's going to be quite the challenge.

I'm ready...are you?

Ha

I talked to my dispatcher last night about something and he mentioned that he had just seen The Dark Knight. I asked him what he thought and he said that he liked it. Today I brought it up again and his comment was...wait for it..."Whoever played the Joker was really good."

Seriously...

Pictures

I've never been big on photographs. Some people would call my bluff on that one right off. I was the guy who brought disposable cameras to parties, video taped the last month of my senior year of high school, the guy who took 600 pictures on his first (and coincidentally last) vacation after he bought his first (and coincidentally last) digital camera. But the truth is I just don't need them. People like to look back at pictures, and show them off, and use them as a tool to accentuate (or correct) their memories of an event, a place, or a person.

I on the other hand just prefer to remember. Seems to work out better for me that way.

This is my photo album. These are my pictures. Here's what yesterday looked like.

-Two Tickets-

I had thirty tickets to the 7:00 screening of Batman up at IMAX. As of Friday I had thirteen unclaimed tickets. By Saturday night I had four people I almost had to say no to. In the end I was left with two extra tickets. I could have sold them. Normally I would have just given them away. But instead...I just kept them. Couldn't tell you why.

-Rides-

I gave Adriana, her boyfriend, and her cousin a ride to the church to meet up with everyone else. When we got there at ten to four there was no one else in the parking lot (even the bus wasn't there yet). This was slightly disconcerting. Within a few minutes Kevin showed up with his buddy Gary who has come on some stuff with us before, his sister Katie (who was an Antioch kid a few years back) and her friend Kristen (who I didn't realize was coming but was glad to see because she was on team a few years back). Alyssa M. pulled in a few minutes later. The Boyles pulled in a few minutes after that. Manny, Al and their friend Steven showed up. And then Mike and Alyssa arrived followed shortly by Michelle and Tommy. It wasn't much after 4:15 P.M. and we were on our way.

-Timing-

I went to wait for the tickets while everyone else scattered towards the food court. I was pretty clear that they should be back by 5:30 and absolutely no later than 5:45. I knew getting on line early was important. Kristen and Katie got on line right at 5:30. Sean and Nicole did as well. House wandered over a few minutes after that. Jere and Kevin were over on Route 59 trying to beat traffic at 5:45 and Nick and his group were just sitting in it. No one else that had rode up on the bus was on line at 5:45. That was a little frustrating. I had arranged with the people directly behind us to not be pissed off if 30 people showed up and cut in line. But after 5:45 quite a few other people had got on line and there was no way the rest of the group could cut in. When they showed up (only ten minutes later) they were a little ways behind the rest of us. Apparently they weren't all very well behaved, but I was still coordinating with the late arrivals and the people on the front of the line to try and get us as many good seats together as we could. Nick showed up after 6, his friends (who are very nice people but whose names I can never friggin' remember) showed up a little later. A fire alarm earlier in the day had the theater running 15 minutes late, but they let us in just before 7:00 P.M.

-The Movie-

The movie was excellent. Just as good the second time around. I'm pretty sure everyone liked it. Some dick across the row from us kept talking throughout the entire movie. Which was sort of surprising since you could literally hear a pin drop in the theater when I saw the movie on Tuesday. I really wanted to say something to him, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was a decent guy having a braindead moment.

-Outro-

We met up outside the theater. Half the group went for a bathroom break, the rest of us waited around . Jere and Kevin took off, Sean and Nicole went to grab something to eat. Nick and Co. wandered out a few minutes later and we briefly discussed the movie before they headed out.

-Food-

The rest of us decided to go to Applebees where the 19 of us outnumbered every other customer and employee combined. I had the salmon and some shitty apple juice. I gave the waitress my credit card before we sat down so there was no argument about who was paying for dinner, but she still made the mistake of bringing the receipt over to the table. I left a pretty healthy tip rounded everybody up and headed out into the warm muggy night. As we're all walking out, the waitress comes hurrying out after us, gives me a hug, says thank you and runs back inside. This left 18 other people standing in the middle of the parking lot looking at me like I just did something hilariously wrong. I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and headed over to the bus to finish our journey home.

-The End-

Everyone had fun. Everyone was ok. Everyone got home safe. What more can one ask for? What more indeed?

Sleep Well Tonight

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Tonight

I need tonight.

I've been good lately, things have been good lately, and I'm grateful, I really am. But things should be great. I haven't felt right in so long. I don't know how to describe it.

I just don't have anything to look forward to anymore. Nothing good coming on the horizon. Things are about to get so much worse before they have any chance of getting better. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.

It seems like this is the end of so many things.

I just want tonight to go right. I want everyone to have fun. I want everything to be good.

I want everything...everybody...to be ok.

I want tonight to be ok.

I want to be ok.

I...
...
...
...

Vacillating - 9 Random Ruminations of An Asshole, First Class.

1. "I know you won't call me back."

Why would anyone think that? Why wouldn't I call back? What harm could come from calling back? What could possibly stop me from calling back? Guess what? I didn't call her back.

2. "Something you said."

Wait, did I say something? That would be very unlike me to say something and not remember it. Maybe I did say something, but it's not what they thought I said, and therefore I remember what I said but can't pair it with what they think I said and therefore the confusion isn't really about what I said...but about what I didn't say.

3. "Money."

I have money. I mean it's not a lot, and not necessarily real, but it's money. What is it? Something like 90% of the money in this world only exists in computers. Something like that right. So I have a lot of computer money. But next to no cash money. Which is sort of good because that means that most of the money I spend...isn't real.

4. "Running out of time."

It's like there's a clock. But it's broken. And it's moving really really fast instead of slowly, or not at all. And when that broken clock stops moving...game over. Game over man.

5. "You should go too...I mean on vacation, not on vacation with me."

Obviously. Obviously, right? Not so obviously? Shit. What am I doing? Or better, what am I not doing?

6. "The last two tickets."

And then not the last tickets. And then no more tickets. And then tickets again. And then no more tickets. And then tickets again. And then...

7. "I'm bleeding."

Oh fuck, is this...is this it? No, no, no, no, no. Shit that hurts. Wait...I...son of a bitch.

8. "Kidney beans are an excellent replacement for chopped meat in any recipe."

Did I really just say that? Fucking shoot me. Shoot me now.

9. "..."

...

The Shelf

So yesterday I got my new wall unit installed, I spent just a little time getting it straightened out, put a few extra hours in at work, went out for a drink, and came back to put a few more hours in at the office. I took a nap at my desk, opened everything up and set off on another long day. From 8:00 A.M. yesterday morning till 2:00 P.M. today I was home for a grand total of 20 minutes.

So forgive me if these pictures look like shit right this second. But here a few of the new set-up.

So that's the basic set-up of the shelves.

Here are a few nice shots of The Cylon Army:

This is my Hellboy Faux Bronze 1:1 Bust which is at the top of the center column.

Here's my Spidey Shelf.

My Daredevil Shelf.

Clay Moore's Girls.

My Hellboy Shelf.

And finally just because Goldberg just called me to discuss how great The Dark Knight was a Heath Ledger Joker Statue (and just because it's there a 1st Edition Grendel Statue signed by Randy Bowen himself, both of which are place holding for my Draco statue) and the best $200 I've spent in my collection an original painting of Heath Ledger as The Joker done by a guy named Darden at Wizard World Philly that proudly adorns my office wall:

So yeah...long day. Another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Then The Dark Knight again on Sunday with approximately 30 of my closest friends and strangers.

I'm broke and hungry and exhausted...and the melancholy which struck me down in the waining hours of yesterday has almost totally retreated.

So...what's next?

Are You...Ok?

"Why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad."

"You are sad."

"Would I say I wasn't sad if I was sad?"

"Yes."

"Me? I would say that?"

"Well...no. Maybe not you."

Speak to me people. I am beginning to wonder if these words fall on deaf ears.

I once met a man who lived his entire life in a box. He was a small man, not only in stature but in every way a man can be small. Or so I thought.

This day I happened to be passing by his box when I saw him pop his tiny head out. He looked up at me and something about my demeanor caused him to shout up, "Friend! Are you...ok?"

To which I replied, "Am I ok? You are a tiny little man who lives in a box. I am a great big man who lives in great big house, drives a great big car, and works in a great big office. And you ask me if I am ok? I would ask you if you are ok my tiny little friend?"

And the man who lived his entire life in a box thought for just a moment and answered, "Yes. I am Ok. And please notice friend that even though your box may be bigger than mine...at least I was able to answer the question."

And with that he disappeared back inside his box, leaving me quiet and still on the sidewalk above, suddenly feeling smaller than I had any right to feel.

The Dark Knight

After thinking about it for just a little while I'm comfortable saying it was one of the finest films I've ever seen.

It did something so few films do nowadays, it lived up to its hype, and then exceeded it with great ease.

Report

Well, well, well.

So yesterday was the Antioch BBQ, it was real good to see everybody. We played a few holes of mini-golf before calling it a night, it was a good time. I'm greatly looking forward to seeing everyone again on Sunday.

I went by Turi's shop to see the finished wall unit and it looks amazing. We'll be installing it on Thursday. I'm waiting for a few pieces I just bought to be delivered and I'll be heading down to South Jersey early on Sunday to pick up a few new things hopefully.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll be going to Angel's wake, it's the third time since I've taken over the company that someone who worked for me has passed. It's always sad, in part because it's someone you liked and saw every day, but also in part because with over 180 people working for me I don't really know many of them very well. It's a shame though, I know Angel was a real good guy.

After the wake I'll be meeting up with James at some point to head up to Palisades to catch an early screening of The Dark Knight. I just caught Hellboy II on Saturday, and it was good, but I have really high hopes for The Dark Knight.

Wednesday I have a meeting with our accountant and then I'll begin to get things ready for the wall unit installation. Thursday we'll do the installation and I'll get my collection sorted out. Sunday after I hit South Jersey to pick up a few new items and then I'll head back up to Palisades with approximately 30 people to see The Dark Knight again.

It will be an interesting week.

A quick side note: I'm getting back on the treadmill again today after a few days of not using it. Yesterday when I took my socks off I felt like I'd stepped on something, when I looked down I realized that the massive blisters had finally dried up and the skin literally peeled off my feet. (I know, gross.) And my knees and ankles are feeling better so, right back at it. Unfortunately today I think I probably ate a little too much. Early in the day I had some raw vegetables and a low sodium V8. Later in the afternoon I had a slice of pizza and a small salad. It was the first slice of pizza I'd had in nearly seven weeks. Man it tasted great. For dinner I had a tuna sandwich. Now this isn't a ton of food. But compared to what I have been eating...well, you know. Either way I think I'm doing pretty good. Just going to have to keep at it. Then go see the doctor again. Get the official word on how I'm doing. Got some lumps and bumps I've got to get checked. Got to see how everything is ticking.

We will see.

Dear Friends

Do you ever wonder why I'm still around?

Weak

I haven't felt right the last few days.

I've just been tired. I don't know if it has to do with the change in exercise or the change in diet or if it's just a bad run. I've laid off the treadmill for the last two days because I've been so exhausted and creaky.

I can't seem to get my house clean, can't seem to get caught up. But I'm cracking at it, and I'll get there eventually.

Might go see Hellboy II today, probably going to see The Dark Knight on Tuesday night with James, and again next Sunday with the church kids (and whoever else I rope into it). Tomorrow is the Youth Ministry picnic and Thursday we'll be installing my new wall unit. I finally tracked down a Draco statue, and also picked up a chrome Bowen Collosus. I just heard back from the Shifletts and my Ol' Scratch should be done when they get back from the San Diego Comic Con.

I spent entirely too much time and money in places I shouldn't have last week, but conversely I haven't spent any time in those places so far this week. Little boring when you think about it. But it is what it is.

And finally, one of the guys who work for me died this week. He was a good guy, and not just the type of guy who you say was a good guy after he's gone, but the kind of guy everyone liked while he was still around. It's a damn shame, but it happens. He'll be missed.

Juice

So this weekend I broke my "diet" for the first time. Saturday at Nick's house I had a diet soda. It was the first soda I'd had in like six weeks. Monday I went to the movies and had a medium popcorn and another diet soda. There's obviously nothing wrong with that, but when I've managed to not eat red meat for over six weeks, no soda, no junk food...to blow it on movie theater popcorn kind of blows.

Right back at it though. Grilled Veggies for lunch, some cheerios later in the afternoon, and some no fat cottage cheese and a few pumpernickel sticks for dinner.

I stopped in at the grocery store this afternoon and picked up some veggies and a little fruit. I also grabbed some cheerios and skim milk. My main goal was supposed to find something healthy to drink besides water. I drink a lot of water, and a lot of apple juice, but I want to cut down a little. So today I'm trying some black cherry juice, pomegrenate juice, and some kind of tea. We'll see how it goes.

Last week was busy, but not half bad. I spent more than a few nights and more than a few dollars in places I probably shouldn't have. I had a few really good nights though. Hung out with the guys a lot too. Cards on Tuesday, BBQ on Friday, cards again on Saturday and a few drinks afterwards. I needed a good week...and I got it.

Last night I went to see Wanted by myself. I was about as tired as I could possibly be. On the way into the theater I ran into Mike from church, and then as I sat there in the hall of the theater I ran into DC. I'd just been talking to him on the computer maybe 15 minutes before. It was good to see him, even though it had only been for a few minutes, it's been too long.

The movie was pretty good, not great, but really good. I've liked pretty much everything I've seen James McAvoy in, and Angelina Jolie looked amazing. I was going to go see Hancock tonight but I didn't get around to it. Hellboy II comes out this week, I definitely will go see that. And I've already purchased 30 tickets for The Dark Knight when it comes out in IMAX next week. So that's something I guess.

I'm also going to go apply for a passport for the first time. And then at some point in the near future I'll flee the country for parts unknown where I'll become a wealthy recluse or an eccentric drifter or a vengeful samurai. One of those things. Definitely.

Till then...