Gay? Funny? Gay Funny? Funny Gay?

Gay? Funny? Gay Funny? Funny Gay?




Oh fuck it, I thought it was funny.

I feel dirty now though. I need to go fuck a stripper or something...

Missing

I can't remember what she looked like.

It wasn't that she was important, I don't even think I knew her name, but I remember her, and yesterday I remembered what she looked like. Today I don't.

The picture in my mind is still there. I remember everything, everything except her.

Maybe this doesn't sound remarkable to anyone. She wasn't anyone important, wasn't someone I knew, wasn't someone I ever gave any thought to seeing again. But like I remember practically everyone, I remembered her.

I think I thought she was pretty.

So where did she go?

I can see the blue sparks behind my eyes firing off in rapid succession waiting for some sort of connection to be made and though I get parts of pictures, I just can't get all of this one.

She was so fucking unimportant so why the fuck is it so important that I can't remember her?

It's a different sort of forgetting. I don't like it. It's not forgetting to forget the pain, it's not forgetting to move on, it's not forgetting to make room for something else. It's just forgetting in the way that things are just gone sometimes. And no...I don't like it.

Not one bit.

Pervert By Proxy

Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm an alcoholic.

Wait...no, I'm not.

Uh...hmmm.

I would say we need to think about this one a little more, but the truth is I don't think thinking is going to help it anyway.

We could discuss it...but where have you all gone? No one responds anymore, I'm talking to myself.

There's been an unfortunate stumbling block in my path to...

Well shit, I don't actually know where the path was taking me, but I'm assuming it was somewhere pretty kick ass.

Anyway...back to the stumbling block.

Yeah, so, brief relapse into bad habits. Nothing to worry about, I got it covered. My house is a disgusting mess, going to work on that a bit tonight. Steam Heating system is acting up, if I can get through a few more days I can straighten it out without worrying about everyone freezing. Car Port collapsed due to snow and high winds, no big was taking it down anyway.

Minor eart developing, been awhile since I've had a real eart. College maybe? Not sure. If I'm honest there was at least one since then, but we don't talk about it. Not all earts are good, not all earts are harmless. Damn fool. Don't you see what they're doing to you?

Played Wii last night. Second gayest thing I've ever done.

Went to Geez on Tuesday night. Twice in one week. Been awhile.

Tuxedos for wedding. Better be big fucking tuxedo.

Want a porch. Big porch. Fence too. Maybe patio.

Bad things brewing. Head was right. Now not.

For awhile I controlled what I was thinking. Whole days just one personality. Just one way of looking at things. My way. All of a sudden things are less clear.

Life is good.

I am not.

Decisions...

It's odd how appropriate this is to this past weekend...

I don't take credit for this, although I've long since forgotten who credit should go to. I'll be back in a bit with some thoughts but for now I just wanted to post something, anything to break up the monotony of my day.

Holy Shit...We Made It.

Holy Shit...We Made It.

"You gotta love days like this, if for no other reason than that no one else will." - T.O. Hob

Another Story

Don't ask me why I'm re-posting this today. I just found it digging through a box in my spare room and thought I would link to the old post. It's a story, so it's a little long, but I think it's worth reading. It's always been one of my favorites.

http://www.upsaid.com/futurerem/index.php?action=viewcom&id=168

300 And The Daylight Savings Conundrum

"Last time I spent this much time in a parking structure, somebody got shot." - Lazarus Jones

For the first time in a while I have nothing. Nothing planned, nothing plotted, nothing to do at all really. No major project looms on the horizon, no deadline fast approaching, no even to look forward to.

But for now I'm ok with that.

I am learning. Adapting. Trying for the first time in my life.

Like everything, it all seems so new to me.

Things are going to change a lot in the upcoming months. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse. Live, Love, Lose. I don't know what else to say about that. I'm sure I'll think of something later.

For now though I'm going to do some laundry, stop in at the office, and get ready for the chaos that tomorrow will surely bring.

I Can't Help It

I've refrained from posting videos and other people's pictures on this blog because, you know, I want the focus on me. But this one was just too good, so I had to toss it up. Don't forget to scroll down past this entry though to see some shit I said.





And it's totally fucked up, but this reminds me of the way the guys act around the office. Except usually they're just harassing each other and not reporters.

Tally-Ho or It's Only Gay If You Like It

I've been writing this entry for three days.

Don't ask me why. Maybe it's because I just didn't have a whole lot to say. Nothing remarkably interesting happened this week. Nothing great happened to me, nothing horrible happened to me. It was a frustrating week, but not so much more frustrating then usual.

Maybe it's because I originally started this entry by saying, "I'm writing again. Holy shit I'm writing again." Maybe that sort of jinxed me.

Maybe it's because I had such an awesome weekend and used up all my good favor on that.

Maybe it's because I think my last entry was particularly kick ass and you can't win them all.

Maybe it's because I pissed God off by joining MySpace. And God hates MySpace.

I really don't know why to be honest with you. All I know is that I've been writing this shit for three days and it's still just that...shit.

But since I really liked the title I figured I'd just say something so I could run with it.

So here goes...

Wednesday night I stopped by the Youth Group meeting for the kids who just went through Antioch. In the 12 years since my first Antioch this is the first time I've done that. I've been to other meetings, open youth rooms, Antioch events...but I've never stopped in at the kids first meeting right after Antioch.

I don't know why that is.

I didn't need an excuse to stop by, didn't need any other reason...I just wanted to. I wanted to say hello, I wanted to see everybody. I missed them. So I showed up.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, same as always. It's not always in a good way, but I'm a busy guy. I got to hang out with some of my best friends on Saturday night and got to see some of my new friends on Wednesday night. I'm a busy guy...but there's always time.

So we were talking about things the youth group is going to do and the one kid asked me, "Well what if only two people show up." And I said, "Well I'll be one of them, so we're still going." And then he said, "Well what if only one person shows up?" And I said, "Well than that will be me, and I'm still going." And then he said, "Well what if no one shows up?" And I said, " That will never happen...because I'll always be there."

And I kind of laughed because, it's kind of true.

They're a special group of kids.

I recall once saying that if I was ever lucky enough to run into any of them it would undoubtedly be the highlight of my day. But, I was wrong...it was the highlight of my week.

Tally-Ho...

(A)* Story

In the darkness the men come for him. Chains, and cuffs, and cattleprods. They learned their lesson the first time. Three through the front door this time. Three through the back. It was the two through the window that got him though. Never saw them coming.

Wait, wait, wait...

That's not how it went.

When the sun came up that morning there was a knock on the door. When he answered there was a woman standing there. The first thing he noticed was that she was pretty. The second thing he noticed was that she had a gun.

Wait...

That's not it either.

He wasn't in his house. In fact he wasn't anywhere. No one was coming for him. Nothing was happening. He stood there in the darkness and tried to tell a story.


*

It wasn't long ago. Then again it wasn't exactly yesterday either. If forced to narrow it down the Reverend would probably have to say it was a little while ago. He would also say they were good kids, and he would say there was nothing else he could have done.


*

"Funny how the world goes and forgets about us sometimes...like if we don't stand up and remind them that we're still around we might as well not be. Maybe funny ain't the word...maybe it's just sad."

"Life is the pause in a moment of chaos that allows you to shout out 'I'm still here'."

"Sometimes the measure of our success as people is how much difference we’re willing to accept without having to convince ourselves that it doesn’t bother us."

*

Their names were Fudd, Fury, Evil and Jonny Go-Knock-Knock. Evil was Evil and Fury was Angry but Angry just didn't sound like as good of a name. Fudd had big ears, a lisp, and a shotgun, no one ever thought to buy him the silly hat. Jonny Go-Knock-Knock was cursed by a consistent inability to tell a joke.

Jonny:

Go Knock-Knock

Fury:

Knock-Knock.

Jonny:

Who's there?

Fury:

You're a fucking idiot.

They were my friends. Or they would have been if any of them had actually been real.

*

My grandfather used to buy us sabrett hot dogs and yoo-hoo. We would sit in his big black car while he toyed with his mesh baseball cap which sat entirely too high on his head and he would tell us stories about the war and how we had to be nicer to our mother. When we were younger he would drink budweiser with his hot dogs and we would pretend not to notice because it didn't really matter what he drank as long as it was in a can like our yoo-hoo...and we loved him anyway. When we were older he would drink diet caffeine free coke with his hot dogs and he would only take one of us for hot dogs and yoo-hoo at a time. The two of us being together would ruin everything. It's sad because it wasn't always like that.

*

Girl:

That's your brother?

Guy:

Yeah.

Girl:

I never would have guessed.

Guy:

Yeah, we're not much alike.

Girl:

Yeah.

Guy:

We kind of split everything right down the middle as far as genes go.

Girl:

Really?

Guy:

Yeah he got the brains, looks, personality, dignity...

Girl:

And you?

Guy:

I have a massive cock.

*

EXT. FIELD -- DAY

Two men stand in opposition of each other in the middle of a field of high grass. One, a young energetic man with broad shoulders and a cocky gleam in his eyes, is holding something at his hip. His name is ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

The second man, older, calmer, more refined stands with his hands empty at his sides. His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. He pleads with ANAKIN.

OBI-WAN
It doesn't have to be this way.

ANAKIN looks resigned. HE nods his head.

ANAKIN
Yes, yes it does.

ANAKIN ignites his lightsaber. OBI-WAN closes his eyes.

FADE TO BLACK

(SOUND) ANAKIN steps forward. The light saber sizzles as he swings.

OBI-WAN
(whispers)
I'm sorry.

OBI-WAN opens his eyes. The scene returns. OBI-WAN ignites his lightsaber and blocks Anakin's attack in one swift motion. They exchange a series of blows before OBI-WAN knocks ANAKIN back.

OBI-WAN
Stop Anakin! Please! This can end here!

ANAKIN

It will end here.

OBI-WAN shuts his light saber down. ANAKIN steps back, confused.

OBI-WAN
Please Anakin, listen to me. Together we are strong enough to stop this. We can cripple the Dark Side, destroy the Emperor. We can restore balance to the Force!

ANAKIN stares down at the ground, he shuts his light saber off and falls to his knees. He begins to cry. OBI-WAN approaches ANAKIN and lays his hand on his shoulder before noticing that ANAKIN is still holding his light saber. Before OBI-WAN can react ANAKIN ignites his saber and thrusts it into OBI-WAN's belly. ANAKIN shuts his saber off, and OBI-WAN stumbles back, his face twisted in pain, tears running down his cheeks. ANAKIN laughs.

OBI-WAN stares down at his should-be-fatal wound. HE stares back up at ANAKIN. Anger flickers across his face before it is replaced by a calm determination. OBI-WAN lights his saber. ANAKIN does the same.

ANAKIN
You surprise me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You grow stronger. Perhaps this won't be as easy as I thought.

ANAKIN looks up at something behind OBI-WAN and chuckles.

ANAKIN
Then again...

Giant AT-AT type walkers crash through the trees behind OBI-WAN, the lead vehicles first step almost crushes Kenobi. ANAKIN attacks.

-----
INT. FREIGHTER -- LATER

YODA approaches OBI-WAN who is slumped on a bench in the freighter's quarters. YODA boosts himself onto the bench, he looks older and frail.

OBI-WAN
I have failed you.

YODA
No.

OBI-WAN
I was a coward master, I fought for my life when I should have let him kill me.

YODA
No. Fight you were supposed to.

OBI-WAN
But...

YODA
Lose you were supposed to.

OBI-WAN looks confused.

YODA
Defy expectations you did Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fail us you did not.

OBI-WAN puts his head in his hands as YODA pats him on his back.

YODA
Your destiny it is to save him still. Someday. Someday.

YODA hops off the bench and begins to walk away. HE stops suddenly.

YODA
Lost is the battle young Kenobi, but the war just beginning it is.

*

I love them...and not in the sad or desperate way in which I once learned to love people that I had no right to love. I have learned so much in the past few years and while it doesn't change the way I've loved before it makes more honest the love I have in my heart now. Their is sadness in this love, but it is tempered by fear. Fear that no one will know, fear that no one will understand, fear that no one will care. This love is honest, and strong, and mine. This love is totally independent of anyone else. This love is totally independent of the story. This love is a love I have earned the right to have in my heart...and I will not keep it there, because love isn't love until you...

Ha.

Fuck me...

*

Hey! Come on in, I'm so glad you could make it! Time for introductions! Everybody, these are My Demons. Demons, this is everybody! Now go make nice. Chips and dip are on the table. Massive insecurities and inferiority complexes are in the kitchen, longing, lust and unhealthy desires are by the record player, corrupted morals and questionable ethics are on the far wall behind the sofa, and there are some extra fears of dying cold and alone in the cupboard if we run out. Suicidal Tendencies! You stay away from the open bar, we don't want a repeat of last Christmas! And don't forget to try the punch everybody...that extra kick comes from loneliness!

*

I'm out of breath and my balls hurt...don't you just love Mondays?

Eddie You're English or She'll Be 18 Eventually

So Wednesday I was supposed to get out of work early and stop by the Youth Ministry meeting to see some of the kids from Antioch.

Meeting cancelled.

So Thursday I was supposed to go out with Tim and a few of his friends because Devin is leaving for London this week.

They made other plans.

So Friday I was supposed to go out to dinner with the guys and their fiancees.

They're going to a hockey game instead.

Wait...did my week really just get run again?

When was the last time that happened?

It's actually been quite awhile. Maybe it's because I haven't had anything planned in so long and without plans its kind of tough for your plans to fall through. Or maybe it's just because I don't get excited about as many things as I used to. Or maybe it's because I've resigned myself to doing more thing on my own lately, and it's awful tough for me to foul up my own plans when only I am involved.

I don't know exactly what this feeling I've been having lately is. It's sort of peculiar.

It's sort of like that feeling you get when reading the lyrics to the song you get a few seconds ahead and now they're following you instead of you following them. Except the total opposite. If that makes any sense at all.

Which I'm sure it doesn't...don't mind me, I'm fried. Lack of sleep.

See the dreams may be the worst part. Sometimes they're normal (normal for me at least.) and other times they're fantastic right up until the point where they are horrible. It makes sleep sort of difficult.

I won't bother you with the details of the one that got to me last night except to tell you how it ended.

I was in my office, alone and I heard a noise outside. When I went to look there were people I knew out there. People who I had just seen earlier in the dream. Except now they were all different. They said nothing. I just stood there in awe as the darkness began to separate us and harsh noises rushed up into my head.

And then a single voice began to scream.

"Are you a monster? Are you a monster? Are you a monster?"

And finally I have no choice but to laugh and reply, "Yes. But I'm working on it..."

And as honest as I've always been I don't know if I've ever been that honest when I'm awake.

Ain't that some shit?

I'm working on it.