(A)* Story

In the darkness the men come for him. Chains, and cuffs, and cattleprods. They learned their lesson the first time. Three through the front door this time. Three through the back. It was the two through the window that got him though. Never saw them coming.

Wait, wait, wait...

That's not how it went.

When the sun came up that morning there was a knock on the door. When he answered there was a woman standing there. The first thing he noticed was that she was pretty. The second thing he noticed was that she had a gun.

Wait...

That's not it either.

He wasn't in his house. In fact he wasn't anywhere. No one was coming for him. Nothing was happening. He stood there in the darkness and tried to tell a story.


*

It wasn't long ago. Then again it wasn't exactly yesterday either. If forced to narrow it down the Reverend would probably have to say it was a little while ago. He would also say they were good kids, and he would say there was nothing else he could have done.


*

"Funny how the world goes and forgets about us sometimes...like if we don't stand up and remind them that we're still around we might as well not be. Maybe funny ain't the word...maybe it's just sad."

"Life is the pause in a moment of chaos that allows you to shout out 'I'm still here'."

"Sometimes the measure of our success as people is how much difference we’re willing to accept without having to convince ourselves that it doesn’t bother us."

*

Their names were Fudd, Fury, Evil and Jonny Go-Knock-Knock. Evil was Evil and Fury was Angry but Angry just didn't sound like as good of a name. Fudd had big ears, a lisp, and a shotgun, no one ever thought to buy him the silly hat. Jonny Go-Knock-Knock was cursed by a consistent inability to tell a joke.

Jonny:

Go Knock-Knock

Fury:

Knock-Knock.

Jonny:

Who's there?

Fury:

You're a fucking idiot.

They were my friends. Or they would have been if any of them had actually been real.

*

My grandfather used to buy us sabrett hot dogs and yoo-hoo. We would sit in his big black car while he toyed with his mesh baseball cap which sat entirely too high on his head and he would tell us stories about the war and how we had to be nicer to our mother. When we were younger he would drink budweiser with his hot dogs and we would pretend not to notice because it didn't really matter what he drank as long as it was in a can like our yoo-hoo...and we loved him anyway. When we were older he would drink diet caffeine free coke with his hot dogs and he would only take one of us for hot dogs and yoo-hoo at a time. The two of us being together would ruin everything. It's sad because it wasn't always like that.

*

Girl:

That's your brother?

Guy:

Yeah.

Girl:

I never would have guessed.

Guy:

Yeah, we're not much alike.

Girl:

Yeah.

Guy:

We kind of split everything right down the middle as far as genes go.

Girl:

Really?

Guy:

Yeah he got the brains, looks, personality, dignity...

Girl:

And you?

Guy:

I have a massive cock.

*

EXT. FIELD -- DAY

Two men stand in opposition of each other in the middle of a field of high grass. One, a young energetic man with broad shoulders and a cocky gleam in his eyes, is holding something at his hip. His name is ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

The second man, older, calmer, more refined stands with his hands empty at his sides. His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. He pleads with ANAKIN.

OBI-WAN
It doesn't have to be this way.

ANAKIN looks resigned. HE nods his head.

ANAKIN
Yes, yes it does.

ANAKIN ignites his lightsaber. OBI-WAN closes his eyes.

FADE TO BLACK

(SOUND) ANAKIN steps forward. The light saber sizzles as he swings.

OBI-WAN
(whispers)
I'm sorry.

OBI-WAN opens his eyes. The scene returns. OBI-WAN ignites his lightsaber and blocks Anakin's attack in one swift motion. They exchange a series of blows before OBI-WAN knocks ANAKIN back.

OBI-WAN
Stop Anakin! Please! This can end here!

ANAKIN

It will end here.

OBI-WAN shuts his light saber down. ANAKIN steps back, confused.

OBI-WAN
Please Anakin, listen to me. Together we are strong enough to stop this. We can cripple the Dark Side, destroy the Emperor. We can restore balance to the Force!

ANAKIN stares down at the ground, he shuts his light saber off and falls to his knees. He begins to cry. OBI-WAN approaches ANAKIN and lays his hand on his shoulder before noticing that ANAKIN is still holding his light saber. Before OBI-WAN can react ANAKIN ignites his saber and thrusts it into OBI-WAN's belly. ANAKIN shuts his saber off, and OBI-WAN stumbles back, his face twisted in pain, tears running down his cheeks. ANAKIN laughs.

OBI-WAN stares down at his should-be-fatal wound. HE stares back up at ANAKIN. Anger flickers across his face before it is replaced by a calm determination. OBI-WAN lights his saber. ANAKIN does the same.

ANAKIN
You surprise me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You grow stronger. Perhaps this won't be as easy as I thought.

ANAKIN looks up at something behind OBI-WAN and chuckles.

ANAKIN
Then again...

Giant AT-AT type walkers crash through the trees behind OBI-WAN, the lead vehicles first step almost crushes Kenobi. ANAKIN attacks.

-----
INT. FREIGHTER -- LATER

YODA approaches OBI-WAN who is slumped on a bench in the freighter's quarters. YODA boosts himself onto the bench, he looks older and frail.

OBI-WAN
I have failed you.

YODA
No.

OBI-WAN
I was a coward master, I fought for my life when I should have let him kill me.

YODA
No. Fight you were supposed to.

OBI-WAN
But...

YODA
Lose you were supposed to.

OBI-WAN looks confused.

YODA
Defy expectations you did Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fail us you did not.

OBI-WAN puts his head in his hands as YODA pats him on his back.

YODA
Your destiny it is to save him still. Someday. Someday.

YODA hops off the bench and begins to walk away. HE stops suddenly.

YODA
Lost is the battle young Kenobi, but the war just beginning it is.

*

I love them...and not in the sad or desperate way in which I once learned to love people that I had no right to love. I have learned so much in the past few years and while it doesn't change the way I've loved before it makes more honest the love I have in my heart now. Their is sadness in this love, but it is tempered by fear. Fear that no one will know, fear that no one will understand, fear that no one will care. This love is honest, and strong, and mine. This love is totally independent of anyone else. This love is totally independent of the story. This love is a love I have earned the right to have in my heart...and I will not keep it there, because love isn't love until you...

Ha.

Fuck me...

*

Hey! Come on in, I'm so glad you could make it! Time for introductions! Everybody, these are My Demons. Demons, this is everybody! Now go make nice. Chips and dip are on the table. Massive insecurities and inferiority complexes are in the kitchen, longing, lust and unhealthy desires are by the record player, corrupted morals and questionable ethics are on the far wall behind the sofa, and there are some extra fears of dying cold and alone in the cupboard if we run out. Suicidal Tendencies! You stay away from the open bar, we don't want a repeat of last Christmas! And don't forget to try the punch everybody...that extra kick comes from loneliness!

*

I'm out of breath and my balls hurt...don't you just love Mondays?