Ducks Eat For Free At Subway

In the beginning there were saints and there were sinners, there was good and there was evil, there was right and there was wrong. And then, with time, those lines which had divided blurred and the certainty which had defined the world was no longer.

And in the second half of the 333rd day of the year of the Yang Metal Monkey was born a man who would become a monster, a boy who would become a beast, a child who would become a creature.

As youth became wisdom, as new moon turned to old and back again, this half child half jument, this sick and twisted beast of burden retreated from reality learning to live between what is, what was, and what never would be. All the while waiting.

And as time passed the thing learned pity, and longing and hurt. It learned who to fear and who not to trust. It learned patience, and practice, and finally its position in the whirlwind.

So this king of lesser creatures would take his place, halfway between heaven and hell, perched on a line which grew ever narrower till one day it simply ceased to exist at all. And with this change came catastrophy. With this change came herald of a conclusion.

The beginning of the end is beginning.

Yesterday we were, today we are, and tomorrow we might be.

There is no light, we run on.

A Toast At My Best Friend's Wedding

This was the toast I gave as the best man at Nick's wedding...a text book example of saying something nice while saying nothing at all, but a very nice toast either way if you ask me.

Good Evening...

First I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the bride and groom's parents for being such gracious hosts...a round of applause for the parents please.

There you go.

And second I'd like to thank Nick and Kathleen for giving us a reason to get dressed all fancy, eat good food, and drink entirely too much.

I've known Nick for over 20 years, which means there are a lot of stories I'm not allowed to tell tonight. But I can say without reservation that Nick is a good person, a good man, a great friend and will surely make an excellent husband. And I can say that as his friend it brings me a great deal of joy to see him end up with someone as fantastic as Kathleen. Someone who will make him very happy, someone who he's about to begin building an amazing life with.

You don't get to see two people so perfect for each other come together on such a perfect day very often, and it makes you appreciate it all a little more. Makes you happy that things have gone so well for your friends. And I'm sure you'll all join with me in wishing nothing but the best for our old friends Nick and Kathleen.

They say that old friends are indeed a rare commodity. So let us drink to friendship, and let us drink to love, and let us drink to the luck which leads us here today to share in a moment like this.

And so a toast that looks back fondly on the past while smiling fairly on the future.

If you'll raise your glasses with me now...

May your daughters be beautiful,
may your sons be strong,
and may your lives be happy, healthy, and long.

With love and respect,
we drink to Nick and Kathleen.

Salud!

See? I'm not much to look at, but I sure can talk purdy.