Coming Up For Air

I've never had the pleasure of slowly drowning, but I would assume this must be awful close to what it feels like.

It's been a weird couple days people, the kind that makes me want to say a lot of things here, but of which I can say very little.

Last night I went grocery shopping and amid the myriads of fruits and vegetables,crackers and pretzels, pickles and anchovies I found a few moments of relaxation. This peace was shattered when the kid at the checkout looks at my cart and asks "What are you making?" I hadn't picked a single thing that was a meal alone and even I couldn't think of how to combine these monstrosities into actual food.

I went to sleep early because I had to be back at work by 3 A.M. and haunted by odd dreams all night. One dream had a group of my high school friends in a room that resembled our cafeteria but instead featured a huge wall that was full of televisions which operated much like MySpace.Com. For some reason I kept wandering around asking "Don't I know you?" It was awkward.

This morning I drove some kids to school. There was a long twisted conversation. I'll share the highlight here and then I'm off to NYC to pick up some kids.

First Kid: You can't spoil your tarantula.
Second Kid: How do you spoil a tarantula?
First Kid: (Without missing a beat) Feed it too many crickets.

That's all kiddies, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waiters.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

But I've gotta try.

Strangeness

Once more the wicked whirlwind...

There's a certain sort of serendipity that's made so serendipitous by the fact that it never really happened at all. Take the last few days...

The other night I read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and fell asleep with great ease. I woke up the next morning, and after making the decision to go into work late (or later than usual) I sat on my couch flipping between Sesame Street and Garden State. I think it was the best stretch I've had in quite awhile.

Last night I grabbed a few drinks with the guys, played pool, mixed it up with a little Golden Tee, and just generally laughed our way through an otherwise ho-hum sort of night. I went home...and then I dreamed.

I don't know what did it last night, don't know if it was the strange combination of things over the last several nights or if I was just due.

It was freezing cold, but there were about six of us in a giant rectangular hot tub that seemed to twist and turn around the corners of a building. I couldn't really see the others, but the girl I was talking to was oddly familiar. The others voices were just noise but then somebody said something, and it bothered her. Before I could do anything she was standing up, a moment later I was watching as she stood in the falling snow and got dressed without drying off. I chased after her, the minute I stepped out of the water I was dry and dressed, and the voices from behind me were gone. I spun around, only to see the hot tub was gone, in fact everything was gone. There was a whole new building in its place.

"Did you see that?"

I turned to face her and she was looking at me oddly. She had a kitten on a leash and was now fully bundled up to protect against the cold.

"What?"

"What?"

I was confused.

"You don't know how much it took for me just to give you a chance."

It hurt me when she said that.

"I'm sorry."

She was crying.

"I miss you."

How could she miss me? I was standing right there, but as soon as she said it I knew it was true, I missed her too.

"I miss you."

She was shaking as she cried, I reached out to comfort her...and she was gone.

All that was left was a kitten playing in the snow, a moment later even that was lost.

A cloud passed over the moon and I was left cold and alone struck down by the morbidity of fright on a cold winter night in a place where moonlight freezes...

Save Tonight

It doesn't take much to save a good night in my book. Simple things will do it really.

By my watch I've got three minutes to save tonight.

I'm smiling...for no reason.

Might just be good enough.

Turvy

"Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?" -One of Jere's Infamous Punchlines

"I'm not a coward I've just never been tested." - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

So I'm sitting at my desk just now pondering what on earth possessed me to buy the entire '90's One Hit Wonders collection off ITunes (Back Satan!) when I hear a voice say, "Chris, you've got to see this." I look up...because I know I'm alone in the office.

I get up and look all over to make sure I'm alone, and then I hear the voice again, "Chris, you've got to see this." Except now it's coming from behind me. The dogs start barking outside so I run (ok, lumber...) out to see what's going on. My dogs are on one side of the fence barking at two other dogs on the other side of the fence. Two dogs who are madly humping. And my dogs are jumping all over the place ridiculously excited. The two other dogs finish up, and run off down the street. My dogs barking at them as they go. That's when I notice the pair of seagulls circling over head.

Someone is laughing. No one is there.

"Baby I don't know where your going, but I sure wouldn't mind giving you a ride." - Laz Jones

"Rock on bus driver." - Laz Jones

Eh...Ok.

You know I always thought I'd get to work in the big city one day, just never thought it would be driving a bus.

We're so damn short people that I've inherited a troubled run from a driver who took a leave of absence, means I get to drive into downtown Manhattan twice a day.

I love the city.

I love driving in the city. When I drive a bus in New York I have a little game I like to play, it's called "I Don't Want To Hit Your Ass...But I Will." The premise is pretty simple, I don't want to hit your ass...but I will.

The average life expectancy in New York must be like 17 seconds (unless of course you have one of those stupid scooters and then you can just cut that in half, or if you're a tourist because then they let you live a few minutes longer so you can blow your cash on those little statues of the Empire State Building and coffe mugs that say I *Heart* NY). People just run into the middle of traffic, drive with no sense of order whatsoever,eat things from carts on street corners. I don't want to touch anything that gets sold from one of those carts, nevermind eat it, and I'll eat pretty much anything. Little kids on bicycles? Friggin' targets. I swear I saw this seven year old on a Schwinn swerving in and out of taxi cabs on Amsterdam Ave. this morning. Fuckin' retard had a helmet on. Sure his parents thought that was a sound investment, "Let's get little Stevie a shiny new bike helmet...and then throw his ass into the busiest streets this side of Trafalgar." Come on! You need the latest Batmobile just to get around safely in this city...forget the fucking bike helmet, how 'bout full body armor? Sure the helmet will help when the whinos start throwing glass bottles, but what good's it going to do when the crosstown squashes his ass?

Halloween...I love Halloween, it's my favorite holiday in my favorite month. Yesterday it just passed me by though. A day when grown men in costumes can simply wander the streets? In New York they just call that Monday.

I went to Best Buy the other night. Met the geekiest kid ever. He was just pacing the aisles like employees in the story tend to do, and he asked me if I had any questions. I was dumb enough to ask one. Talked to him for a good half hour about Xbox 360, I have no idea what the hell he was talking about. But I just keep nodding and smiling, kid seemed thrilled to have somebody to talk to. But he just keeps going, I keep trying to get away, but I want to be polite. And he just doesn't stop. My cell phone rang, I told him it was nice talkign to him, but I had to take the call. So he just stood there and waited! When I finished he goes, "So where were we?" The Twilight Zone perhaps? His manager walks by and checks to see if everythings ok, I'm trying to slip him a note saying "SEND HELP" but the kid just tells the guy "I'm just helping this customer." And keeps talking... It's like an episode of MTV's Boiling Points, but there is no point. I'm trying to be nice because this kid must be so bored and so lonely at this point that having somebody to talk to is the highlight of his day. Finally one of his co-workers notices and steps in. This very polite young lady walks over and literally takes the kid by the arm to say hello. This girl was kind of young, but pretty, and she's literally hanging on the kid to give me a chance to get away...AND HE SHRUGS HER OFF! Finally I've had it, I shake the kids hand, say thanks for all the help man but I really have got to be going and head for the check-out. He follows me for like three steps before giving up and going back to pacing the aisles. I felt really bad.

I don't talk to the kids on my busses much when I have to drive. But at the very least I say hello and goodbye. Girl gets on the bus yesterday morning, probably about seventeen years old, I say good morning...she says nothing. Goes to get off the bus, I say have a good day...she says nothing. Gets on this morning, I say good morning...she says nothing. Fucking kids. If I was ever that rude to anyone, I'd be completely embarassed for myself. At the very least you smile or nod, or give some sort of acknowledgement. No one deserves to be treated as if they aren't there...even me.

Anyhow...show tonight, going to be a good one. I mean how could it not be when Georgie boy found the one single solitary conservative Republican in New Jersey and named him to the friggin' Supreme Court. I'm fired up, rarin' to go.

You can't stop me...you can't even slow me down.