Eddie You're English or She'll Be 18 Eventually

So Wednesday I was supposed to get out of work early and stop by the Youth Ministry meeting to see some of the kids from Antioch.

Meeting cancelled.

So Thursday I was supposed to go out with Tim and a few of his friends because Devin is leaving for London this week.

They made other plans.

So Friday I was supposed to go out to dinner with the guys and their fiancees.

They're going to a hockey game instead.

Wait...did my week really just get run again?

When was the last time that happened?

It's actually been quite awhile. Maybe it's because I haven't had anything planned in so long and without plans its kind of tough for your plans to fall through. Or maybe it's just because I don't get excited about as many things as I used to. Or maybe it's because I've resigned myself to doing more thing on my own lately, and it's awful tough for me to foul up my own plans when only I am involved.

I don't know exactly what this feeling I've been having lately is. It's sort of peculiar.

It's sort of like that feeling you get when reading the lyrics to the song you get a few seconds ahead and now they're following you instead of you following them. Except the total opposite. If that makes any sense at all.

Which I'm sure it doesn't...don't mind me, I'm fried. Lack of sleep.

See the dreams may be the worst part. Sometimes they're normal (normal for me at least.) and other times they're fantastic right up until the point where they are horrible. It makes sleep sort of difficult.

I won't bother you with the details of the one that got to me last night except to tell you how it ended.

I was in my office, alone and I heard a noise outside. When I went to look there were people I knew out there. People who I had just seen earlier in the dream. Except now they were all different. They said nothing. I just stood there in awe as the darkness began to separate us and harsh noises rushed up into my head.

And then a single voice began to scream.

"Are you a monster? Are you a monster? Are you a monster?"

And finally I have no choice but to laugh and reply, "Yes. But I'm working on it..."

And as honest as I've always been I don't know if I've ever been that honest when I'm awake.

Ain't that some shit?

I'm working on it.