Vacillating - 9 Random Ruminations of An Asshole, First Class.

1. "I know you won't call me back."

Why would anyone think that? Why wouldn't I call back? What harm could come from calling back? What could possibly stop me from calling back? Guess what? I didn't call her back.

2. "Something you said."

Wait, did I say something? That would be very unlike me to say something and not remember it. Maybe I did say something, but it's not what they thought I said, and therefore I remember what I said but can't pair it with what they think I said and therefore the confusion isn't really about what I said...but about what I didn't say.

3. "Money."

I have money. I mean it's not a lot, and not necessarily real, but it's money. What is it? Something like 90% of the money in this world only exists in computers. Something like that right. So I have a lot of computer money. But next to no cash money. Which is sort of good because that means that most of the money I spend...isn't real.

4. "Running out of time."

It's like there's a clock. But it's broken. And it's moving really really fast instead of slowly, or not at all. And when that broken clock stops moving...game over. Game over man.

5. "You should go too...I mean on vacation, not on vacation with me."

Obviously. Obviously, right? Not so obviously? Shit. What am I doing? Or better, what am I not doing?

6. "The last two tickets."

And then not the last tickets. And then no more tickets. And then tickets again. And then no more tickets. And then tickets again. And then...

7. "I'm bleeding."

Oh fuck, is this...is this it? No, no, no, no, no. Shit that hurts. Wait...I...son of a bitch.

8. "Kidney beans are an excellent replacement for chopped meat in any recipe."

Did I really just say that? Fucking shoot me. Shoot me now.

9. "..."

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