Experiments In Idiocy: Drunken Confessions of A Sober Man Part 1

Alright, so there's this girl. And like, she's cute as fuck. Like really cute. Like so cute you'd feel like babies were not as cute, you know, like as she was. Like even really cute babies. So she's cute. Get it? Really cute. And...I can't talk to her. I mean, I don't even try, 'cuz she's really cute. Like so cute. So cute it hurts. Hurts me. Not her. I don't think cute is painful for cute people. But for ugly people looking at cute people, for them it could be painful. I think. I don't know. She's really cute. Fuck.

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What do you mean I'm not funny? I think I'm funny. Don't you think I'm funny? Oh wait, you don't. You just said that. Shit. Yeah I know, I'm a little...you don't think I'm even a little funny? Like a tiny bit? A teensy-weensy-itsy-bitsy little bit funny sort of? No? Come on. Stop, no...Come on. Stop playing around. You think I'm funny. Right? I think I'm funny.


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She's not a whore. She's not. No. Really. I swear. I just like talking to her. Yeah she's really hot, but, I don't, like, want to...I mean, I would I mean she's hot so I definitely would, but I don't want to...I mean, like, I like talking to her. And it's not gay. Because I'm not gay. I mean not even a little bit gay. Like if there was a gun to my head, I still wouldn't. Probably. Maybe. Wait? What were we talking about? Oh yeah, she's not a whore. She's like a whore. But not quite a whore. Because she takes money, but she doesn't... And she's really hot, but she's really cool, and it's not like I'm trying to hook up with her or anything, I mean I just like talking to her. So she's not a whore. No. Your mom's a whore man. No. Fuck you. I love you man, but like as a friend man, because I'm not gay. I'm not. Fuck you. No, fuck you. I'm just playing. I love you man.

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Wait, how old is she? No. Man, that's not cool. You can't do that. That's friggin' wrong dude. Wrong. I don't care man. No really. How old is she? That's fucked up. You can't do that. No, man, I get it really. I look at 'em too sometimes. Can't help it. But it's wrong man. Like, I don't know if it's illegal or not man, but it's not...what do you call it? Not socionomically acceptable or something. I don't know. Like, I ain't saying I wouldn't be your friend anymore, cuz like, we're good you know. We're boys. You know. So like we would still be friends and all. I mean, how old is she? Is she hot? Yeah? I don't know man. I mean if she's hot. But...I don't know. I don't got anything against old people or anything, but like, I'm pretty sure she could be your grandma or something.

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That's, like, the best part. I mean at the beginning it's really good, like you can't believe how good it is, it's amazing. It's sweet man. And then it can sort of like get, like, not as good. Like not bad, but not as good, like you're almost sick of it, but then like, like it's when it's almost over, and you know you're almost done and it's tough to keep going, but like you just power on man, because you're so close, you just have to finish and at the end it's like awesome man. That's why I love pancakes man. I mean, I really love pancakes. You know what else I love? Women. You know what we should do, right now man? What we should go do right now? We should go get us some fucking pancakes. What about women? No, fuck 'em, I want pancakes.