It is important to me
That you know
The only thing I ever wanted
Was to be able to show you
That the truth
And what is real
Can be very different things.
~
You need not believe in what is or what isn't.
You need only believe in what might be.
You need not believe in what could have been.
You need only believe in me.
Noir
"I was considering giving up. Locking things down and making a run for it. I'd close shop, grab whatever green I could and make like crazy for Tijuana or some other place where a bad man could have a good time. God himself couldn't stop me, couldn't even slow me down. And then she walked in. She was tall and thin and so cute you felt guilty just looking at her. She had all the right parts in all the right places and I knew right away she was trouble. The kind of trouble I found myself getting in over and over again. I was hooked. I had to have her. And I wouldn't be going anywhere until I did. Damn. That God is one smooth bastard."
The End of An Error
If what I think has happened has happened then we've reached the end of an era. We'll soon be playing a different game. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's time for whatever is next. There is, of course, always the chance that I'm wrong.
Miseries and Happenstance
While driving to pick up a sympathy card at CVS just a little while ago I found myself reciting random poetry out loud. When I noticed I was doing this I chuckled to myself and stopped. A few moments later I came to a red light and realized I was singing to myself. Just under my breath, so quiet even I hadn't noticed, I was singing. When I thought about it for a moment I realized I've been doing this quite a bit lately. Filling every single solitary moment with some sort of noise, something, anything to stop me from talking to myself. Something to stop me from getting started. It was like I was actually trying to stop myself from thinking, and the frightening thing is that I was doing a good job.
Moment's Pause
My father was getting ready to leave the office for the day, he'd put everything in its place, stopped in the restroom, and headed out the door. A moment later he was back. He walked into the office, paused in the middle of the room and stared down at the floor then up at the ceiling. He was thinking. At first I thought he couldn't remember why he came back in, but then as I watched the expression change on his face I realized that he was considering something. Trying to make a decision. It could have been anything, so I asked. "What are you thinking?"
It's something he used to ask me all the time. We never talked much when I was a kid and sometimes I'd go long stretches without seeing him at all. I was always funny around people, particularly strangers, and sometimes he seemed like a stranger himself. So sometimes I was funny around him. When we used to drive places, even places really close or really far away, I would lean against the car window and not say much at all. Sometimes I must have gotten a real serious look about me because he'd often ask, with the sole intent of shaking from my reverie, "What are you thinking?" For awhile I actually told him exactly what I was thinking. No matter how little rhyme or reason it had to it, no matter how silly it came out sounding. Often it would be the only conversation we had. Once I realized that he didn't actually care what I was thinking my answer changed, it always became the same. He'd say, "What are you thinking?" And I'd say "Nothing." When he was in a bad mood he wouldn't say anything to that at all, when he was in a good mood he might make a joke about spending an awful lot of time thinking nothing.
So today when he was standing there in the middle of the office, his brow furrowed in deep thought I simply asked, "What are you thinking?" Without hesitation he answered, "Nothing." And then he smiled. And for the first time ever I wondered if we were both thinking the exact same thing.
THE GREATEST WEBCOMIC IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD
And...
And finally with that I'm out...for the moment. I'll be back soon. I promise. Really.
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