Praise Jesus

Wow...

So this morning I worked for a little bit, then hung out with the Rookie for awhile, stopped at Joker's Child and picked up some comics, set up a shelf with my Bowen Faux Bronze statues on it and went to lunch at the worst Chinese restaurant I've ever been to (I know they're Chinese, but didn't anyone tell them pizza's not supposed to be squishy?).

Turns out my basement flooded again last night (even though there hasn't been rain in days) and I didn't get half the stuff I planned on getting done done. I did write a little this afternoon, and I did eat some left over turkey. So that was all good.

By six o'clock or so it was beginning to look like I wasn't going out tonight so I began to hunker down for what was shaping up to be a painful night. Then the guys decided they wanted to go to the movies, so I cleaned up and headed over to the mall to meet them. First though I stopped at my mom's to say goodnight to the kids, at the liquor store to pick up some bourbon, and then headed by the office to make sure everything was locked up tight.

On the way to the office however I ran into a slight problem. Coming down the hill on Haledon Avenue towards Paterson traffic splits into two lanes at several lights. One is only for left hand turns, the other is only to go straight. I was coming up on a light with a silver mustang next to me, they were in the left hand lane with their signal on to make a left. I was in the right hand lane intending to go straight. Just before we hit the intersection the light turned yellow, there was plenty of time to make it. It wouldn't have even been close, until the mustang decided to go straight out of the left lane and almost ran me off the road. It wouldn't have been such an egregious driving foul but for the reason that it made me tag the breaks as I hit the intersection, which meant the light turned red as I was in the intersection. The car behind me was right up my ass so I couldn't stop hard and fall short of the intersection. I essentially had to run the red light. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. The cop two cars behind me apparently did.

The minute he stepped up to my window I admitted that I knew why he pulled me over and asked rather politely if he had seen what happened, he said he did, but took my license and registration anyway. He took entirely too long to run my info, but I honestly wasn't in a rush so I didn't mind. I was pretty certain I wasn't getting a ticket, I wasn't bullshitting the guy and he was straight with me so I felt pretty good about my chances. Except it was starting to piss me off that he was clearly cooking me just to make a point. When he finally came back over he told me he wasn't giving me a summons, but next time he would. I told him I appreciated that and was on my way. I really did appreciate him not giving me a ticket because he certainly could have even though it wasn't my fault. I had after all ran the red light, and admitted it. So it was nice of him to take the circumstances under consideration, particularly because he had seen it all. But at the same time having seen what happened he could have just not pulled me over, or even pulled me over and just told me to be more careful.

So I eventually make it up to the movie (we're seeing Role Models), we're there pretty early so we get seats no problem. But as it gets closer to showtime the theater is starting to get crowded. There's one seat empty to my left, one empty between me and Sean, then Kevin and Jere are directly next to him and one seat empty to their right. Just before the lights dim a teenage black girl sits to my left. As the movie starts a teenage Hispanic girl asks if the seat to my right is taken and then asks the others to slide down one so her and her friend can sit together. The guys move, so now it's the one girl to my left and these two other girls to my right and then the guys. This doesn't sound important, but stay with me here. While the previews are rolling the girl to my left is absolutely cackling at every remotely funny thing. During the horror movie preview she's literally screaming, laughing, and yelling "Oh shit!" all in the same breath. I'm trying not to obviously laugh at her. But then she starts talking at me. Not talking to me, but talking at me. Like, "OHMYGOD DID YOU SEE THAT?" or "THAT'S FUCKED UP WHAT SHE DONE DID!" She keeps turning to me and yelling stuff like that, and then turning to the couple to her left and doing the same thing. She's talking (half the time to herself) through the entire movie. I don't mind because she's friggin' hysterical.

But if you remember there's also a pair of girls to my right. I'd almost forgotten about them until I turned away from the crazy girl so she wouldn't see me laughing at her only to get an eyeful of the girls on my right totally making the fuck out. I mean heavy petting, full on Frenching, sucking on each other's necks making out.

At this point I can no longer concentrate on the movie. Crazy girl to my left has a pizza box from the concession stand and she's waving it in the air, banging it like a drum, and slapping it against her knee at every even slightly funny thing that happens on screen. She's shaking crumbs all over me, rattling around so much in her seat that she's damn near constantly bouncing off me. Lesbo chicks to my right still haven't come up for air and the one directly next to me is shaking like a wet cat in the cold to the point where even my seat is vibrating just a little. Paul Rudd is saying something about something on screen and I'm sitting there thinking, "Holy shit. This is the greatest movie I've ever seen."

Lesbo chicks finally calm down a little, Crazy girl never does but I sort of get used to it and besides she decided she likes the couple to her left better than me because she's practically jumping over the armrest to harangue them everytime something funny happens on screen. The movie is actually pretty damn good ("Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.") and I really can't think of a better worst movie going experience in my life.

So all in all the night was pretty good. I got to see a good movie, got to watch two chicks make out, and got to watch a crazy bitch act like a crazy bitch for two straight hours. Really, I think my Saturday night could have been a lot worse.

How was yours?