Mon-Daze: Left Lane Must Turn Left

"When I was just a young boy
a dead man came to me
He said, 'You better sit down brother
I got something you gotta see,
now this may be your life,
but this is what I know.
You better start on livin'
cause' you ain't got long to go." - from Conversations On The Old Stone Road

It has occured to me over the course of the past week that for so much to go so wrong so quickly the precarious balance which has always existed inside my own head must have been thrown horribly off kilter very early on. I've survived bouts of imbalance with much less worry than this last one because I readied myself as things slowly built to a point where I was off, then once I was off I realized it, and quickly worked to get right. This time I think I was off for so long before I realized it that a simple course correction wasn't going to do the job. I had to go down. I had to suffer.

So I did.

And then, as always, I came back.

I've always known that I'm the type of person who needs something to look forward to. It doesn't have to be much at all really. A movie that's coming out in a few months that I really want to see, a video game I pre-ordered, tickets to a game or a show, dinner plans with friends, or a party that I probably don't even really want to go to. Anything. Just something to look forward to. I'm the sort that's very rarely disappointed because I don't regularly expect anything from life and I often get so very much. So I really don't need great deal to look forward to, as long as there is something. Something started but not finished, something undetermined, something whose finality lacks certainty. I am, and always have been, driven by the insatiable urge to know what happens next. I believe that the best part of any story is never knowing exactly how it's going to end. And that dear friends is the most comforting thought of all. I know I'm not going anywhere because I need to see what happens next, I have to know how this ends. And that gives me something to look forward to. The end...

"We're gonna run, we're gonna change our names, and we're gonna live happily ever after. We're gonna have kids. I'm gonna lose my hair, yer beautiful tits are gonna sag, but I'll still lay my bald dome on them and lick your nipples crazy. We're gonna forget yer a filthy rich girl, and that I'm a stinkin' assassin. But we'll never--ever--forget how much we love each other. How's that sound?"

"Like a life worth living."

-Wylie Times & Rose Madrid, from "100 Bullets - The Hard Way (Wylie Runs the Voodoo Down Part VII of VII)"