"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Out where?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business."
"I'm making it my business Thomas. They're coming for you tonight, and if you're not here it will fall on me to explain where you are."
"Tell them I fucked off, and they can fuck off right after me for all you care."
"I'd do that Thomas but then they'd be as likely to kill me as they are to kill you when they find you. Why not make a stand right here? I'll fight by your side. The two of us have a better chance against them if we go at it together."
"We wouldn't last five minutes John and you know it. No, I'm running. I suggest you consider doing the same."
"Run and they'll catch you Thomas."
"Stay and they won't have to John. Ends the same either way."
"Then we better get going."
"Right. Let's go."
An Interlude of Penises
ACT 1, SCENE 1
Curtain Up. A young man with frizzy brown hair wearing a black mock turtleneck sits perched on a stool in the center of the stage. He sips at a cup of tea as the spotlight slowly wells up illuminating him fully.
Young Man: I've seen entirely too many cocks in my life. I don't know what a happy number of penises for a straight young man to have seen would be, but I'm certain that it's far less than what I've seen. Far far less. Thing is you stop counting after a certain point. Doesn't mean you're starting to like it, hell I could tell you exactly how many pussies I've seen and I love pussy. But after you've seen so many penises they all start to look alike, they all start to blend into one big phallic hodgepodge of wrinkled foreskins and fuzzy old balls. I'm sure I can't be the only one who's seen an unhealthy amount of dick, but no one ever talks about it. There's some sort of American taboo against young men discussing in a purely innocent sort of way other young men's privates. Vagina got an entire monologue, penises can barely get an interlude.
Last Night Under The Stars
If it hadn't been so cold he probably never would have noticed the girl. She sat quietly under the railroad tressel, her legs pulled tight to her body and her head tucked down deep in the hood of her sweatshirt. Most nights he would have walked right past her, never giving her a second thought. But in this cold the sight of her struck him as odd. He'd walked more than half the four kilometers from where his truck broke down to his home and not seen a single other person. And then he saw her.
She was hurting, bad. She hadn't realized how cold it had been when she snuck out of the house. She'd covered up her small dress with a large baggy hooded sweatshirt and stuffed its pockets with her make-up. She'd stopped at the service station to put on her lipstick and eyeliner and blush just like she'd done dozens of times before. If her parents caught her sneaking out she'd be in trouble, if they caught her sneaking out all dressed up she'd be dead. They'd know she was going to see him, and they explicitly forbid her from seeing him.
He stood there, a good fifty paces off, and lit a cigarette. He could see from a distance that she was young, and she was pretty. But he could not see from all that far away if she was someone local, someone he might know or who might know him. He also couldn't tell if she was hurt. He knew something was wrong though, it was too cold for anyone to just be sitting there. He had to think.
Things had started to go wrong for her when she came out of the restroom at the service station. Where there had been on one but the attendant before now there were three boys, she didn't recognize them from her school, but she got the sense they were all locals. She didn't like the way they looked at her and she just wanted to get away from them very quickly. The one boy asked her for a cigarette and with shaky hands she pulled a half empty pack from her small purse. When she offered one cigarette to him he tore the whole pack from her hand and tossed it amongst his friends. The smallest of the three boys asked for a light, but instead of waiting for a response reached out and grabbed her purse. She let him take it, and then she ran. They chased her. She ran past all the small houses, and past a few businesses till she found herself running through an open field. She tripped and fell more than once, painfully twisting her ankle, but she kept running. When she finally stopped she was alone...and cold.
Opportunity doesn't knock twice he thought as he tossed the cigarette butt away and approached the girl. She looked up as she heard him come closer and he could see that she'd been crying. He stopped a few feet away from her, not wanting to get too close, and asked if she was ok. She shook her head no and pointed at her swollen ankle. She said she was cold. He gave her his jacket and then offered her a cigarette. He took her ankle in his hands and carefully examined it, he told her she'd be just fine, but that he'd have to help her walk to his home where he would call for help. She agreed, happy to finally see a friendly face on a night like this. She put one arm around his shoulder and he helped her to her feet. She leaned on him for support, and they began to slowly move along. He said something about how beautiful the stars were that night. She smiled up at him, he smiled down at her. He thought how pretty she looked when she smiled as he slowly fingered the switchblade in his pocket and casually wondered how long this one would last.
Eager
EXT. TOP DECK OF PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
A young woman fumbles with her keys while trying to open her car. She shivers in the cold night air, and her shaky hands make it even more difficult for her key to find its' mark. She startles as a young man approaches her.
Well now you're not alone, I'm here.
Young Man:
Oh it's no bother. Really. I didn't have anywhere to be.
Young Woman:
Suit yourself.
Young Man:
I saw you in the cafe earlier, and I thought I would like to say hello to you.
The young woman stops trying to open her car and stands up straight, taking a measured step away from the young man.
Young Man:
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be...weird. I hope I didn't scare you, really. God I'm stupid. I wasn't even thinking, here I am almost a total stranger meeting you in a dark parking garage and I go and say something creepy like that. You must think...
Young Woman:
I really should be going.
Young Man:
No, please, give me a second. This is all going horribly wrong. I thought maybe you would remember me...
Young Woman:
From the cafe?
Young Man:
No, we were at university together.
Young Woman:
What?
Young Man:
We were at university together a few years back, we had some of the same classes. I asked you out once.
Young Woman:
I don't remember, did it go as poorly as this?
Young Man:
Yes, actually it did. Your boyfriend showed up while I was trying to convince you to go see a movie with me and he proceeded to beat the living crap out of me.
Young Woman:
Oh, yeah, that was when I was dating Roger. I'd forgotten about that. That was so long ago, I didn't recognize you.
Young Man:
Right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought you would, it's just that was a pretty memorable moment from my school days. Getting your face pounded in the middle of the quads kind of stands out you know.
Young Woman:
Yeah, Roger turned out to not be a very nice guy.
Young Man:
I could have told you that then.
Young Woman:
Yeah I guess you could have.
Young Man:
Look, I'm sorry for scaring you. And I've already taken up too much of your time, I just wanted to say that you look great, and it was real good seeing you.
Young Woman:
You too. You know I remember thinking you were cute. And if I hadn't been dating Roger, I might have said yes when you asked me out.
Young Man:
Really?
Young Woman:
Really. Goodnight.
Young Man:
Goodnight.
The Young Woman gets in the car, waves goodbye and starts to pull off. The Young Man watches as her car turns the corner and heads down the ramp to the next level. He shakes his head and begins to run towards the steps. He takes the steps three at a time, hopping railings, sliding down entire levels. He reaches the ground level and makes a mad dash for the exit. When he gets there it looks like he is already too late. Her car is nowhere in sight. He shrugs defeated. And then her car pulls up behind him. She puts it in park and gets out.
Young Woman:
What are you doing?
Young Man:
What about now?
Young Woman:
What?
Young Man:
You said if you weren't seeing anyone back when I first asked you out you might have said yes. And I'm asking what about now. If I asked you out right now, what would you say?
The young woman thinks for a second.
Young Woman:
I might say yes.
The Young Man smiles, the Young Woman smiles back.
Women
One of the most awkward moment's of my young adult life occurred in the local ice cream shop early in my freshman year of college. There were three of us sitting around a white plastic picnic table eating ice cream and chatting with the man who at the time ran the shop. He'd been there since we were all little kids and he was the type of guy who everyone liked, everyone respected. He was great with kids and adults alike. He always hired young attractive girls to work behind the counter and the girl working there that day was no different. She was so pretty I could barely look at her for fear I'd go all soft in the head and start to ramble uncontrollably.
All three of us sitting at the table were going to very different colleges and as conversations tend to do among young men the talk quickly turned towards women. This is when the ice cream shop owner decided to interject saying, "There's a lot of Asian girls down there, right?" Someone agreed and he continued, "You know the problem with Asian girls right? No tits." He then proceeded to turn to the young girl at the counter and ask if she agreed. She must have been all of fifteen years old and absolutely mortified but she sort of shook her head and went back to what she was doing. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die of shame right then and there. I was horrified at the man who I had known since I was a child's sudden change in tone and demeanor, I was still locked in the mindset that people were the same all the time, and didn't change totally depending on who they were around. I was horrified that this pretty young girl felt so uncomfortable (add to that the fact that I just this second remembered who the girl was, makes you wonder how solid my recollection of the day really is). And I was horrified that I couldn't change the subject. The very next thing one of the guys said was that one of our friends had told him that he'd never really been into Asian girls, but since going to college and being absolutely surrounded by them he was now really into Asian girls. I found this funny and, like many things at the time, didn't totally understand the concept.
I think of this story today for three reasons.
First, I was just watching this show on MOJO called Getting Abroad. This guy travels around the world trying to learn local dating customs. He tries to learn these customs by trying to pick up women. Great show. Today he was in Kyoto, Japan. Ignoring the fact that the first half dozen girls he tried to pick up were underage and he seemed genuinely mortified when he realized I found the show really funny and interesting. I can't get a date here in the states so I doubt I would get a date abroad, but the very concept of the show amuses me.
Second, I'm dying to see the new James Bond movie. I wanted to go see it last week but I didn't get around to it. This weekend I have to take my sister and cousin's to see Twilight so I probably won't get around to it again. I really want to see the movie because I've always been a James Bond fan. I also want to see it because Olga Kurylenko is in it and she's f'in hot. Like really hot. Like really really really hot. She's from the Ukraine, which is pretty much Russia, which feeds nicely into the fact that lately Russian women have just really been pushing my buttons. It's probably because most of the girls in the go-go bars are Russian and that's where I've been hanging out the past year. I'm curious to see if now that I'm laying off the go-go bar thing my minor fascination with Eastern European women quickly fades. Either way I'm pretty sure I'll still think Olga Kurylenko is hot.
Third, I really need to figure out what the hell is going on with me. I already know what's going on is not normal (obviously it's not normal for normal people, but it's also not normal for me). I just don't know if it's the beginning of something, the end of something, or just more of the same and it's just hitting me a little differently. It's got me thinking about quite a bit. Quite a bit indeed.
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