Pellucidity

Another night passes without a call. Hope beyond hope. Maybe something has finally ended the way that it was supposed to end. I'm afraid not. We will see.

~
Last night something was said that shouldn't have been said. Something bothered me that shouldn't have bothered me. The anger that I felt boiling up inside of me scared me. The fact that I disguised it so well frightened me more. I could have killed us all and not felt even the slightest twinge of remorse in the final moment between here and there. I hated them. I hated myself even more. It was...irrational. It was real.

~
In the beginning there were saints and there were sinners, there was good and there was evil, there was right and there was wrong. And then, with time, those lines which had divided blurred and the certainty which had defined the world was no longer.

The lines are blurring. The lines are gone.

~
Balance. Just for a moment I pop back to being me, throw a look over my shoulder at the ghoulies hanging just a few feet back waiting for their crack at me. I chuckle. Fuckers really think they have a chance. They forget who I am.

~
I remember. If I do a talk at Antioch this year I already know how it's going to end, with a quote from myself:

from Bravery-ish-ness (Wednesday November 7th, 2007)

"Is That A Wocket In Your Pocket or are you Just Happy to see me?

And finally. I've just run through another cell phone. The plumbing in my house is shot. My pants don't fit anymore. My shoulder still hurts like a bitch. Even though I'm sitting on a pile of money I can't prove that the company is making any money. I'm sick and tired. I'm bored but busy. Everything and everyone is totally fucked. And Antioch starts this Sunday. So everything is going to be ok..."