Taxicab Confessions, Hitting on Six, And A Moment of Quiet Before The Storm

Taxicab Confessions

So last night (or early this morning depending on how you look at it) I got a very interesting ride from a very friendly cabbie down in Atlantic City. I have no idea where exactly we went except that we just drove quite a bit so I could cool my head after making the mistake of wandering into the high stakes room at Harrah's and doing some considerable damage to my every shrinking bankroll.

We talked briefly about gas prices, women, mortgages, and the prospect of Obama becoming president. He told me a story about a guy getting in his cab that day who had lost $400,000 at Harrah's just that afternoon, and a story about him dropping $250 himself at the Trump Marina earlier in the week. I think both those losses were worse than mine in their own ways. It was an interesting ride. And it left me feeling a bit better.

Hitting on Six

When I got back into the casino to meet up with the others I found that they weren't nearly ready to go. I didn't want to burn through anymore money, and I don't believe in betting heavy to work your way out of a funk. But it was coming up on 4 A.M. and the low limit roulette tables were starting to clear out and I managed to grab a seat. I piddled about with $5 chips just to have some fun and was quickly down a few hundred dollars more. I was down to $15 and I hit on black. Then I hit on red to stay alive and work a few more spins. I put everything I had left 6, which I'd been losing on all night. I figured I'd call it quits after that either way. It hit. And suddenly I had back everything I'd lost in the high stakes room. I was still down a little for the night. But I really didn't care anymore. We were counting in the hundreds instead of the thousands so it really wasn't much to worry about. All totalled it was still an expensive night. But not a bad one. Not a bad one at all. We stopped for WaWa chocolate milk on the way home. That would have made everything better anyway.

A Moment of Quiet Before The Storm

I haven't gotten to bed before the sun came up in the past four days. So today I slept as much as I could to recoup. All hell breaks lost tomorrow and while I'm sure I'm ready for it I'm not sure it will make much difference. I sat around for a bit, cleaned up and went to a wake for a friend's grandfather. Stopped in at the office and had a quick chat with cousin James to see how he's settling in out in California. Talked to Goldberg for a minute about his new nephew who has a pretty solid name. And now I'm sitting at my desk pondering the madness that has swallowed up so many of the people I care so much about lately. Pondering how right and wrong this past year has gone. Pondering what the hell I'm doing with my life and why I'm enjoying so much that has clearly gone so awry. And I know that tomorrow we start again. And I know that we're already behind before we even get started. And I know that so much has to change so quick otherwise none of us are going to make it.

And I wonder if I'm up to the challenge.

And I worry that it won't matter even if I am.

And suddenly I'm afraid in all the old ways for the first time in a long time.

Then I remember who I am.

And you think it's over...but it's not. Here we go again.