Welcome To It

What a week. What a month. What a life.

I think I would have been better off if I'd finished what I'd started one night what seems like a very long time ago. Would have solved a lot of problems for a lot of people. But instead, here I am. Doing what I do best. Being me. And fucking loving it.

I'm still not above water. I know that. I'm just drowning at a slightly slower pace right this second. But I'm still here. And that's sort of what counts for the moment. First survive. Second right the ship. Third fuck 'em all.

I made a deal with no one last night. Made a promise to the world. Decided a few things for myself.

I'm going to get some shit straight in the next eight days. Going to scratch, and claw, and struggle and in eight days have a better idea of where this is all going.

I'll probably ask for help somewhere along the way. Probably talk to someone I care about, someone I like talking to, someone I love, and at least one total stranger between now and then.

And when the sun comes up on the ninth day. Well...we'll know a few things one way or the other.

So in just a few minutes I lock everything up. Take a ride and decide whether to shave or even change clothes before I stop in to finish up the arraingments for Sean's bachelor party. And then I have to decide what I do for the rest of tonight.

Everything's a bit confusing right now. I guess I'm just seeking clarity. One way or the other I suppose.

Where was I?

"I don't understand."

"Course you don't."

"It was never like this before."

"It was always like this. You were just too dense to notice."

"I don't know if I can deal with this."

"Don't really have a choice mate. This is your life. Sad as it is. If you're just getting here well then...welcome to it."