So last weekend I ventured back into the Alter-World for the first time in a bit. At one point I ended up in this gated community which looked vaguely familiar. I found myself standing at the foot of the driveway of a particular house. It wasn't huge, but it was nice. The yard had some crazy landscaping going on, but it all looked real good. There was an old couple eating honey dew melon on the porch and they greeted me by name even though I'd never seen them before. When I got in the house I realized that my family lived there. It looked nothing like our house in the real world, I didn't seen any of my family, but I just knew. It didn't seem that anyone was home even though there was food on the table and a tv running in the living room. I wandered in to shut the tv off and they were playing some program about Jesus. I realized that in the Alter-World Jesus is still alive and still wandering around doing his thing. Apparently he was local as well. I tried to shut the TV off but I couldn't. Instead it just kept getting louder until I muted it and walked away. When I hit the front porch the old couple was gone, but I could hear people in the distance. A lot of people. And as I watched Jesus walked down the street. There were a few holy looking people walking right behind him, but following a few yards back there were hundreds of young people. Oddly enough some were carrying large coolers, cases of water, and party packs of chips. But all were following talking quietly, but excitedly, amongst themselves. Just as Jesus passed the second half of the driveway he stopped. And turned back to look at me. The entire crowd stopped and now they were all looking up at me. Jesus cocked his head to one side and said, "Hey." To which I replied, "Hey." Then Jesus said, "So...can we come in?"
I looked at the crowd of hundreds then back at the house that wasn't mine, turned back to Jesus and said, "Sure."
But they all just stood there. Jesus looked at me and sort of shrugged. Apparently Jesus was great with miracles and shit with organization. I started to call out instructions. Anyone who was empty handed could go straight around the back into the yard. Anyone with junk food or cold beer could hit the patio. Warm drinks and food that needed to stay cold could come straight into the kitchen. But there were a lot more people than there was food. So I grabbed three guys carrying hamburgers, hotdogs, and chicken wings and pulled them off to the side. I grabbed Jesus pointed at the food and said, "Do your thing man."
He laughed.
Then I woke up.
More Alter-World Oddness
So last night I encountered Tim for the first time in the Alter-World. He was in this room in the back of a store sitting next to some guy who seemed to be a synthesis of my cousin's cousin, a kid I met at a wedding, a guy from this comic book shop, and an actor I saw on TV. They were drinking, smoking, and talking about going mountain climbing. I have no idea what the relevance of any of that is. And I don't think I would have even classified it as an Alter-World dream except that the entire place screamed Alter-World even without any real proof. I'm pretty sure Captain America was around there somewhere as well.
Old Friends Revisited
So I've gotten a bit out of hand in general this week. It's odd because the more fucked up I get lately the better things seem to be going. That actually sounded worse than I meant it to. I'm busting my ass, and not screwing around, but the more out of hand I get the better things seem to be going. Ok, that sounded pretty bad too. Fuck it. So last night I was very glad to hear from an "old friend". We spent quite a bit of time talking about quite a few things, and oddly at the end of the night I felt a hell of a lot better than I had before. And I really hadn't said all that much.
I'd been "hunting" for a few days before and it hadn't been going very well. When "hunting" goes poorly I tend to turn to "soul searching" very quickly and that never ends very well. After all, my name is Hob, and I am The Corrupter of Souls. Anyway last night saved me from a world of hurt for about a million funny little reasons, and even though everything that's been going on lately has put me in a few awkward situations it's nice to know that I can escape for just a while with a little help. Keeps me sane sometimes.
Neither A Borrower Nor A....How Does That One Go Again?
So late this afternoon my old man walks into the office and this exact conversation ensues:
Dad: You got $200 on you?
Me: Sure.
Dad: Give it to me.
(I hand him $200, he takes it turns to Kevin who just walked into my office and hands it to him. Kevin says thanks and walks out. My father turns back to me.)
Dad: You've really gotta stop lending money to people.
(He turns and walks out of the office.)
Me: What the fuck?
Compulsory
I'm not sure what's going on this weekend. All I know is that I am broke as a joke and got zero money coming in for a few weeks. I've got to pay my mortgage, pay my landscaper, pay the first installment on a commission and either stop buying statues or stop hanging out in go-go bars. Neither one of those things seem likely. So I guess I'll just go broke and enjoy every second of it.
The Quotes
And finally for the evening. Here are a few quotes I haven't gotten around to fitting properly in an entry. Some are mine...some are attributed.
"Have you seen Tropic Thunder?"
"Ignorance is bliss, but that itch...probably crabs."
"These are girls whose primary job training consists of phrases like 'Talking is good because it means you're not blowing someone.' and 'When in doubt, show some tit.'"
"I am totally fucked up. Sometimes it's in an endearing 'Palomba being Palomba' sort of way. Other times it's in a 'Did he really just do that?' sort of way. And yet other times it's in a 'I hate him and will jizz on his grave when he dies.' sort of way."
"Maybe it's a woman. I've known so many, and really known so few. Loved more than I should have, and far more than ever knew."
"Me, you, and sixteen pounds of red jello. How's that grab you?" - Lazarus Jones, from Why Not?
So that's all I've got today folks. Well for now at least. Who the hell knows where this will go in the next several hours. My money is on nowhere good. Nowhere good indeed.
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