Good Days

I don't know what I have to be optimistic about. Don't know why I'm the one trying to be all cheery.

I'm the cynic. The borderline pessimist. The asshole.

So why is it that sitting out on the back stoop tonight I was the one to point out that we've had two relatively fun nights in a row, and that that's a pretty good thing.

Two good nights in a row. Not great nights, not earth shattering nights, not f'ing brilliant nights. But good nights.

Didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, wasn't disappointed with the way anything turned out. Hung out with some friends. Had a few drinks. Played some cards. Stayed up till the sun came up, and moved on with little or no lingering consequences. Good nights.

Not great nights.

I sometimes wonder if people expect too much of things they shouldn't expect very much from.

The chances of something amazing happening on while we sat around playing poker in the second floor apartment tonight were pretty slim. But we had some good talk, some good laughs, and a decent game of cards.

That's enough for me.

I wish I had more nights like that.

So for other people to walk away disappointed, it's a bit of a downer.

One good night at a time doesn't work for everyone, I know that. But one good night turns into two and two into three and so on and so on until something goes wrong and you have to start over again...well that's not so bad, because you just start over again.

I'm rambling. I know. But...

I'm very glad to see so very often my good friends doing so well. And it pains me a great deal when something bad happens to them. But I know them, and I know that things will get better. And maybe they'll get worse again someday, but then they'll just get better again. It's how things go around here.

It's not optimism, or naivety. It just is. It's how it has always been.

But when little things like a good night stop being good enough...

Well that scares me just a little bit.

And with that we start the count again.