Another Goodbye 1:44 AM
The Birchwoods are dead, and this time they won't rise again. The apartment is empty, I'm the only one here. There's next to nothing left here. Just my bed and some junk. The others have moved on, leaving me here really, to wonder about everything I'm always wondering about.
I dodged all the regular bullets tonight. The ones that usually find their marks glided by today leaving me standing in the rain with a grin on my face. I felt...that's it. I felt.
After four fantastic years of living here in NB I'm moving on and moving back up North. It won't be North Haledon though, this time around it's FairLawn. I don't like it, but I'll make do.
Everyone talks about how great it must be to have your own place. But they don't really mean it, they don't understand. Having your own place is fantastic...when it's with a couple of close friends. Having your own place when it's just you...my God, am I frightened to see how that one ends.
The show went well tonight (Just a reminder we're almost done. If you want to catch us there's only a few left Tuesday nights at nine p.m. (EST) only on WRSU) Now like I said the show went well, but at some point we got kind of off the handle. Matt made a few jokes about me being creepy. They were jokes, that's all. Nothing less nothing more, but it was almost akin to another joke a few months back that made me feel like a leper. Here's the thing, it's perfectly cool to joke around with me. I have a good temper. There are only a few buttons you can push that would really set me off. Calling me creepy and me not being sure why is one of those buttons. I'm too tired to explain right now, but maybe later I will. Leave it to be said that I felt like a friggin' leper once again.
I know, I know, it sounds like I'm about to start bitching and moaning again. But not tonight. Definitely not tonight. There's too much to say goodbye to right now. I should probably get started.
So long New Brunswick...goodnight, godspeed, and thanks for everything. It's been fun. Really.
Tuesday, July 27th 2004
Osh Kosh B-Gosh 12:55 PM
That's how it goes, right? So anyway...since it's Tuesday morning and Tuesday's have replaced EVERY DAY as my traditional "Day of Darkness" I figured I would get a jump start on the impending insanity and modified depression which will undoubtedly hit me some time after the sun goes down. So after being at the bus yard for 13 hours yesterday I had to put in 3 hours at the office, then another hour or two at home meaning I worked roughly 18 hours yesterday and got absolutely nothing for it. Add to that the fact that first thing this morning I'm back at work and my desk is piled high with papers SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF. I've signed my name 176 times today...yes, I counted. Everyone else gets a vacation but me...fuckers. Of course I told them they could go, but it wouldn't have been fair of me not to. I still have to move the rest of my stuff out of the Birchwoods, come to grips with leaving New Brunswick and find a way to properly go out. I also have a radio show tonight, which I am of course looking forward to. It would be better if I could figure out something to do afterwards, but with most of the WRSU Team gone, the SCRU Group gone, and the Birchwoods Crew scattering to the wind there's just nothing to do in New Brunswick...for me that is. I don't know about The Darkness, but right this second I feel madness coming on rather quick. P.S.: While writing this entry I am making a chain rope out of paper clips so that I may hang myself from the light fixture directly above my head in this heinously boring office and no longer be subject to the tedium that is my every day life. P.P.S: I really, really mean it this time. P.P.P.S: It didn't work...but now my ass hurts and I'm out of paperclips.
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Monday, July 26th 2004
Hail To The King Baby 7:18 PM
Call it exhausted optimism but as I pull into hour fourteen of my work day I have this great feeling, tired, but great. I didn't do anything worth anything today. Nothing impressive, or remarkable, or important. Nothing special. I did today what people do everyday, my job. I worked a day more full than most, but it was still only work. But today, with nothing special accomplished, I still felt good. When the last bus pulled into the lot today I nearly pumped my fist in victory. No-shows, breakdowns, accidents, cranky and ungrateful customers, uncooperative employees. I beat it all today. There are usually three managers and one secretary who do this all, today it was just me, and I handled it. And if you don't mind me saying, I kicked ass. After all the talk of love, and loneliness, and the whatnot this is the corniest emotion I've felt in a long time. I feel like I accomplished something, and although I know I haven't the comfort I feel is in just that. Even though I haven't done a thing...I feel like I have. Welcome to the rest of my life...
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