Defiance: Entering The Abyss : Repost From www.upsaid.com/futurerem

Repost From www.upsaid.com/futurerem

"Defiance: Entering The Abyss"
By Palomba (KING)

Defiance: Entering The Abyss | 1:02 PM

Stand with me, and I will bleed for you.

You know what, I'm not having this conversation with you. Not happening. I'm so sick of this shit it's not even funny, as if I was only mildly sick of this shit it would some how be funny. Am I funny? Ever? Unintentionally? Intentionally? Exponentially?

I was once the witty irreverant bastard child of Will Self and Virginia Woolf but now I'm more like the feckless offspring of Refrigerator Perry and a sexually repressed Grizzly bear.

I was really pissed off at someone on Monday night, but by the next day I had completely forgotten that I was ever angry. Last night I remembered, but by then I had forgotten why, and was suddenly unsure if I had even been angry at the right person. Tuesday night I lost my mind. Spent the night curled up fetal on my bedroom floor trying not to slip away. I wasn't angry that night, I wasn't sad. I can't say what I was except to say that I was nearly rock bottom. Been there, done that. No biggie.

Despite my desire to be around other people and do interesting, social things something tells me this weekend is going to be a complete wash-out. I have no set plans, and people tend to forget me in spontaneous recreational activities. Perhaps it's because I'm just not much fun. (Although I'm not nearly the downer this might lead you to believe I would be.)

I am constantly defiant, what I'm defying I'm never sure of. Sometimes I think it's the odds, logic, reality, God...othertimes I just think I'm defying myself and that's why every day is tougher than the next.

So I prepare to enter the abyss. My job becomes a solitary one, my friends disappear, the work bloggers who I've grown so fond of fade away. It means Monday is closer, but Monday no longer holds my salvation. With no light in the distance I retreat into myself in search of...something.

If I find out tonight...then so will you, keep reading.