Holy Money Bags Batman!

Rigby wrote an entry last night. I haven't let him post it yet. Maybe I will later, he tells me it's a whopper.

One of the joys of my day is going to the bank and handing someone money that I will never see again and getting nothing in return. Now I know that's not how it really works, but anyway...

So I have this problem looking people in the eyes sometimes. So I usually look around, stare up at the ceiling or something. But in the bank I have to be careful. I'm at the point where quite often my name appears on a check three times (once where it's made out to me, once where I sign it, once where I endorse it) and when you're dealing with the amounts of money I am people get suspicious. (They know I'm not taking any of those gi-normous checks) So I try not to look around like I'm trying to not look suspicious.

So if I can't look the lady in the face while she's cashing my check, and I can't look up at the ceiling, and I can't look around like I'm casing the joint, there's really only one place I can look...down. See where this one is going yet?

You have to understand that I'm not always looking where my eyes are pointing. It comes from many years of losing my mind and trying to not rip people's arms off. I zone. And then no matter where they are pointed, I see everything.

So, honestly, I wasn't looking where the eyes were pointing in the bank today...which is squarely at the cleavage on this bank teller. She didn't notice, and at first I didn't either, but when I did I felt rather uncomfortable. Although the teller was very pretty she was at least twenty years older than me and I really didn't mean to be staring. So I looked up, but then I was staring at her face, then the ceiling, then the walls, anywhere but there. What was taking her so long?

Left. Right. Up. Down...shit, I forgot. Left. Right. Up. Down...shit. Left, right, up, down...hey...left, right, up, down...and I figured, fuck it. I really wasn't staring, and I couldn't keep throwing furtive glances around the bank if I planned on walking out of there sin handcuffs. So I just gave up and looked down, not at them, but unfortunately in their general direction. I didn't even notice her look up from what she was doing.

"How do you like them?"

I think I shit myself, "B'what happened?"

"Large or small hon?"

Oh Christ, "Duh...what?"

"The bills. How do you like them? Large or small?"

Thank God. "Large."

She smiles.