I Didn't Die And I Aint' Complainin', I Ain't Blamin' You : Repost From www.upsaid.com/futurerem

Repost from www.upsaid.com/futurerem

I Didn't Die And I Ain't Complainin', I Ain't Blamin' You. | 2:24 PM

I didn't know that the words you said to me
meant more to me than they ever could you?
I didn't lie and I ain't sayin'
I told the whole truth.
I didn't know that this game we were playin'
even had a set of rules.

I never forget a face. But twice now I've been confused. Both times it involved the spot on my left eye. This morning I was in a store and the spot was all fuzzy so I could barely see out of my left eye. My right eye was crystal clear. I saw someone I thought I knew from high school. Now it's been over five years, but still I politely said hello. Her reaction made me wonder if it was who I thought it was, what if I was wrong? What if I said hello to a complete stranger and she spent the rest of the day wondering who the fuck I was?

The other time was the notorious night when I was really drunk. For a lot of people that could be a lot of nights. For me it was just that one. While I was stumbling out of the bar I thought I saw someone who was surprised to see me at that point. I vaguely remember throwing my hands up and saying, "Hey I puked!" something that would be strange for most people but since I'm sick on a daily basis doesn't faze me. She said she would forget she saw me (a nice gesture) but a few days later I found out that I might not have been talking to who I thought I was talking to. You can blame it on the alcohol, but I won't, I blame it on the eye.

Much thanks to Modest Mouse for the narrative lyrics for today.

I watched the drunk bus video last night. I now officially recognize that as a mini-adventure. I also now recognize that it was in direct relation to one of the worst nights of my life.

I sat down to write an excellent entry at about 4 o'clock this morning. It was a follow up to an entry I remember writing last week. When I went back to look at the last entry...it wasn't there. Apparently I never actually wrote it. Too bad, the follow up was a good one.

I might come back and change this whole entry. Make it sound more profound.

It's a small world and I'm a big man. Not in the "important egotistical" way, more in the "I take up a lot space" kind of way.

I was driving today, listening to this song (the one interspersed throughout the entry) when I came to a red light. I was humming along to the song when The Fix hit me hard sending a lightning bolt right up my spine and rattling around in my skull. It surprised me so damn much I practically jumped out of my seat and smacked my head on the sunroof. There were a few post attack twitches added in for good measure and when I finally settle myself I look across at the car next to me and see a very confused looking police officer staring back. I smile, nod and move on.

So tonight I migrate south, like the birds in the winter. I hit the woods and see what's going on, hit www.nj.com/wrsu and do my show. (Click the link at 9 o'clock and listen in if you have nothing better to do, hell you could be a real freak and call the on-air line...) I doubt anyone will be around so I'll head back to the woods, beat down The Afflictions and try and get some sleep. But hey, who knows, only one thing is fairly certain. If I make it to New Brunswick in one piece, I'll be back here tonight.


I've got the time, I got the hours,
I got the days, I got the weeks.
I could say to myself
I've got the words but I can't speak.

Well I was done, done, done
With all the fuck, fuck, fucking around...

I wish, but once, you could hear my voice.