Could Have Told You That Was Going To End Badly

I don't want to go into too much detail, but let me put it this way, the juice was worth the squeeze.

This was a very expensive, very damaging weekend for me (mentally, physically, and financially). But here I am. Still standing. As usual.

Friday night I went to church for confirmation. I sat with Adriana and we laughed probably more than is acceptable during mass because even though we were in the very back row I'm reasonably certain Father Michael was giving us the evil eye the entire time.

After confirmation I wandered for a bit then ended up stopping in to visit an old friend. I had one drink and I knew something was wrong right away. I was in a much worse mood than I should have been all things considered. But I seemed good, which meant that I was already straining for no known reason. There seemed to be a ripple in the force so to speak. And it would seem the bartender was pouring heavy. I can usually have four or five drinks before I even feel it, and I usually stop well before I get to that. But Friday night I noticed drink one. So I didn't have drink two. But I still felt funny. And then, through a nominally amazing series of events...I felt better.

Saturday morning I woke up early and started cleaning. The kids came by and gave Tuck a bath and helped me finish up. Tim and Jere came by around two to help me finish up and everyone else started showing up around four. By five we were well on our way to Palisades and well on the way to what would become a massive bender.

We had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings which was sort of eh. Then no one wanted to do laser tag anymore so we went do Dave and Buster's which was crowded and sucked. People didn't seem to be having much fun so I rounded everyone up and forced them to go to laser tag (my treat of course.) I kicked ass. We won by a lot. Go Red Team.

By 9 we were back on the bus and headed to my house. Everyone started drinking and smoking cigars. My entire second floor was a god damn cloud. People were ashing all over my newly finished floor. Within minutes the floor was scratched up, the entire place was a mess. Everyone was drunk.

Then the girls showed up.

They were supposed to be there for an hour or so. That's what we "budgeted" for. That's what I collected for (we even came up short for that though). They ended up being there for a little over three and a half hours. Which all ended up coming out of my pocket. They were nice, but I sure as hell won't be using them for the next bachelor party.

At 2 the bus was running and people were starting to go. I took care of the girls and looked out the window to find my neighbors talking to all my thoroughly inebriated friends. I ran downstairs to intervene, but it turned out they were just shooting the shit and being really cool. Luckily they left about ten seconds before the strippers came downstairs.

A few people hung out for awhile. I assessed the damage and began to clean up a little. Turns out my Bose Portable Soundock was busted, my newly painted walls were all marked up, my newly finished floor was all scratched, somebody puked in the kitchen, and at least two doors were broken (although we're not quite sure how). We called it a night at 5 a.m. I was up at ten to drive Sean home, stop at Dunkin' Donuts for a hot chocolate, and check in at the yard. All in all it was a good night...I mean hell, everyone survived afterall.

"Do you know what they call it when exactly what you want is exactly what you need but when you get it you're still not happy with it?"

"What?"

"Greed."
~

"You were totally fucking obnoxious."

"I wasn't obnoxious."

"Yes you were."

"I didn't say anything obnoxious."

"You find me a single situation of the phrase 'one in your mouth and one in your ass' being used in polite fucking conversation and I'll fucking die of disbelief."
~

"Dude it'll be great, I can be back in fifteen minutes with four girls who will do whatever you want for $50."

"Aren't you a cop?"

"Yeah."

"Is there such a thing as self-entrapment?"
~

"You know things are getting out of hand when your kid brother manages to insult a professional stripper and a bondage porn star within a period of three minutes."
~

"In ten years none of them have changed at all."

"Nope...but you have to ask yourself, is that really such a bad thing?"