Shhhhh-wha?

So I'm sitting here. Here. In me office, at me desk. Drinking. Watching Movies. Writing Checks. Drinking some more.

I 'spose it ain't the sharpest thing keeping a bottle of scotch, a bottle of bourbon, and a bottle of poteen three feet from your desk when you know you're going to have to be doing something such a downer as paying bills. What's that? $11,000 for comp insurance this month? No problem, how's 'bout a drink? $30,000 for gasoline this month? Why t'aint a thing, how's 'bout another drink? You want me...me, to pay how's much fer soap? $300 for a bucket of soap? Will it clean the blood off me hands once I'm done bludgeoning you to death with it? Yeah? S'alright then, how's 'bout just one more drink?

Course if you know me you know I've been sitting here for the past three hours with the scent from the same finger of Maker's Mark wafting up towards my congested nose. Having not drunk a single sip of it.

I feel a slight bit better about certain things after the events of last evening. Not that anything happened or went particularly well, but that I've been able to put certain things to rest. Certain ill feelings which had surrounded me for the past several days are now no more than a memory. Maybe things didn't sort out like they should have, but they sorted by God. And I'll take that for certain with the run I've been having lately.

All too natural and all too frightening urges have clouded my judgement. They cause me a great deal of unrest, but somehow, without knowing exactly how, my better nature stops them from surfacing. What am I? Am I a monster? Or am I the monster's keeper?

I won't be going out tonight. Not because I can't find somewhere to go, but because I need the rest. I'll be working for a bit longer, I have to be back in early tomorrow, and Sunday I've got plans with the Antioch Team. I'm not sure if this is going to be a good weekend or not just yet. But it will be a weekend to remember, that much I know already.