My Heart Is Beating Like A Fucked Clock

If I had a pistol, not twenty minutes ago, I would have stuck it in my fucking mouth and blown the back of my head all over creation.

The fact that I am writing this now is a testament to two things.

One the resounding lack of a pistol.

And two the better judgement of my dominant self overruling the whims of my other parts.

Questions remain.

How can one man fuck up so much?

Has God himself ever fucked up the un-fuckupable with such grace and aplomb?

Why is it that people expect so very much from an asshole like me?

If you thought my February and March were tough just wait for the unholy assfuck that April is quick becoming.

2008 seems to be a year determined to beat me. I have been known before to rise to a challenge, but never has so much gone so wrong without me seeing where it was going. Perhaps that's not entirely the truth. I think every fucked up thing has gone exactly like I expected it to, I may have just overestimated my ability to deal with and eventually correct this.

Tonight I wronged someone who did not deserve that. Tonight I shit on someone who was never anything but nice to me. You can only apologize so many times. I think I'm all out.

So I won't say I'm sorry.

Doesn't mean I'm not.

Just means I can't say it anymore.