Batman Red 15

I can not, in any way, shape, or form, describe to you how much good days like yesterday do for me. I do a lot of things that I enjoy, do a lot of things which could be considered fun. But hanging out with the Team is one of the few things which makes me feel really good. I miss those kids a lot when I don't get to see them. So today I'm still sick. There's something hanging around down in my lungs, I'm congested like you wouldn't believe, and there's a pain in my side that hurts exponentially more every single time I cough. But...that doesn't really matter. It's all still good.

So we went to Palisades yesterday, and we played Laser Tag, something I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to do. The idea of me creeping around in a dark smoke filled room filled with teenagers...well let's just say that my parole officer would have a field day with that one. I reluctantly agreed to play after being harangued by the fifteen year old behind the counter who dodged my every attempt to get out of playing:

Me: The sign says there are smoke machines, I'm allergic to smoke.

Counter Guy: Machine's broken sir, no smoke today.

Me: Well the sensor vests, they probably don't come in my size, I'm a big guy.

Counter Guy: One size fits all sir.

Me: I stretch the definition of the word all.

Counter Guy: All means all sir, you'll be fine.

Me: You know guns aren't really my thing, I'm a non-violent guy.

Counter Guy: They shoot light sir, stop being a pussy.

So I'm getting ready to play laser tag, and as the guy finishes giving us the rules in the prep room he looks at me and goes, "You know you're going to be first by like 30 kills." I laugh and say I haven't played before. We look at the rest of the group. It's the Antioch Team (all girls except Mike) and these five thirteen or fourteen year old guys who look like nice kids, but total goobers. I laugh. Maybe he's right. So I get my harness and and power up my handle? Batman. That's right. Who am I? I'm Batman.

The game starts. I'm 6'3", I weigh over 350 lbs. I'm the oldest one in the room by at least 5 years. I've never played laser tag in my life. And here I am standing stock still in the middle of the god damn room as these little kids unleash on me. My harness starts beeping, my gun powers down, we've been playing for two seconds and I'm hit already. Now I'm pissed.

I went off. Over the next fifteen minutes I pulled that trigger 605 times. The next nearest guy shot less than 375 times. I was tagged 63 times. I scored 131 tags, and two base captures. I outscored the entire yellow team. At one point I noticed one of the teenage boys from the yellow team following me, we'd both just been hit so our suits were powered down. I was taking this opportunity to cross the open field without fear of being shot. He was following behind me quietly waiting for my harness to light up so he could shoot me in the back. The minute our harnesses lit up I shot him without turning around. He cursed under his breath, but kept following me. I hit a few other people and noticed his lights come back on. I shot him again. This time we both laughed. He kept following me. I turned and leaned in towards him and said, "Just get a little closer kid, come on." His suit lit up, I shot him again. He took off. Later on, coming around a corner he surprised me and lit me up pretty good. He literally jumped up and shouted, "I finally got you." We both got a good laugh out of that.

I'm sweating like hell at this point, so I wander over towards the door for a breather. The kid running the system mentions that I'd been in the lead for the entire time, but some other kid just passed me. No one else is even close. I head back out and immediately get into it with the littlest kid there. He's so small it's tough to see him. We're dodging back and forth, we can't seem to hit each other, but no one else is firing at us. I get him twice before he gets me, but before I can get him again. The game ends. The kid running the system won't tell us who won, just that it was between me and the kid with the handle Hercules.

When we get out front and they start handing out the tickets I find that I have narrowly defeated Hercules by a mere 700 points. The next closest competitor was 7,000 points behind us. I feel about as proud as an old man beating a bunch of kids at a meaningless game possibly can.

We wander around the mall for a few hours, have a pretty decent meal at Dave and Busters and play video games till a little after 9. I kick ass at trivia, it's more my speed than laser tag. We hop on the bus and head home. I watch a DVRed episode of John Adams and call it a night.

It was a good day.

A real good day.