I Know...

"You know there's that moment, where everything slows down. Where it's just the two of you. Where the whole world is nothing but the space between you and her. That moment where your eyes give you away, and your very voice betrays you. That moment where you say the things you never meant to say. I'm afraid I've never had that moment."

"Yes you have."

"Do you know something I don't know?"

"I know exactly what you know."

"That can be a very dangerous thing...knowing what I know."

"You've had that moment. I know. I was there."

I don't know what got me started tonight.

That's a lie.

I know exactly what got me started, I just don't want you to know. I'm funny like that sometimes. For a guy that wears his heart on his leave I sure do get secretive every now and then. I think it comes from the fact that no matter how much I put out there it doesn't matter, no one notices. I could say a million different things and people would barely even blink. But there are certain things...certain things that I could say that would turn your world upside down. So I don't say them. I do everything I can to assure that I don't make a difference.

But I can't just let it burn out...I need to talk about something, something special.

So I'll talk about Love.

And I'm not the kind of guy to capitalize like that, so you know I'm in a serious mood.

I have never been in Love. But I have loved more in my life than any man has a right to, and I suppose that makes all the difference. I have watched, and I have waited, but Love just keeps on passing me by and maybe it's because I've looked in all the wrong places but more likely it's because I haven't really looked at all.

But I have learned.

You can trick yourself. It's easy. You can tell yourself you love someone, tell yourself that you can't be whole without them, but the truth is if it's really Love then you don't need to tell yourself anything at all.

Just because you notice things about someone that other people don't, just because you think about them all the time, just because you know things you have no reason to know, and remember things you shouldn't remember doesn't mean it's Love. Those are things that happen when you're in Love, but that's not what Love is.

People like to keep pictures of the person they Love so that they can look at it and think about how great Love is, but I'd rather have their words than their picture. Because it's not what someone looks like that you love, it's who they are. And you can't tell who someone is by looking at their picture, you can only tell who someone is by knowing what they think, what they know.

I don't know. I really don't. I like to think I do sometimes, like to think that I know better than everyone else and that's why I stay away from it all, but sometimes I think that the truth is I just don't know what everyone else does. That I'm missing something.

And if that's what stopping me...then I'm afraid. Afraid I'll never get it. Afraid I'll spend the rest of my life one step away from everything I've ever wanted because it's too dark for me to see what's staring me right in the face. I think...

I think lots of things, and I think I shouldn't have started this when I wasn't really ready to finish it...but that's what you get sometimes. That's what happens when you come along for a ride while I'm looking for my place in this world.

I remember standing there...months ago now, and wondering where I was going. Wondering why I was there. I remember every second of every thing that happened that day, and the days leading up to it. I remember thinking that it was nowhere near perfect, but if this was as good as life got then I was kind of okay with that.

I've felt like that since then, and I've wondered if that is what Love really is. Maybe Love doesn't need anyone, and that's what makes it perfect. Every feeling, every emotion, every desire needs someone...except for Love.

It's the one thing in this world that we need more than it needs us.