Elephants Never Forget

"Any question to which I am the answer, is a question you probably don't want to be
asking." - Palomba

"This is going to really creep you out, but..." - Palomba (at least three times on any given night.)

The fourth and final entry of the day...unless I go mad again between now and midnight.

I know I'm moving too quick here...by the time anyone stumbles upon the newest entry, the three previous ones are already buried. You can go back and read them...or not.

So I can't yet make you understand why last night wrecked me in the ways it did, but I can guarantee you that it's not what you're thinking. With me has it ever been that simple?

Paranoia. Paranoia. Nobody is coming to get me.

I never forget a face. Never forget the way those faces look at me. I never forget what people I care about say to me. I never forget the way I feel, but sometimes I do forget why I feel that way.

I don't think I can ever forget why I felt the way I felt last night.

They say there are ways. Ways to make yourself normal. Ways to control how you feel, how you act, how and who you are. They have ways. They say they can make you the person you're supposed to be...Nuts to that I say. I can make me the person I'm supposed to be...maybe I'll need some help, but not that kind of help. Not me, not yet.

I'm getting there guys, I swear to God I am. I'm not there, I'm not even close, but I'm closer than I ever have been before. I'm afraid. I know it doesn't make any sense, I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm more afraid right now than I ever have been in my entire life. I think I could explain it, and someday maybe I will.

For now though...just understand, the people I've known and loved. The people who have meant the world to me. People I see everyday and people I will never see again. The people who have made up my entire existence. Just know, that even once you've forgotten me...I will always remember you.

Afterall...elephants never forget.

"You have that uncanny ability to surprise and scare the shit out of people at the same time, don't you?" - T.O. Hob

"Yeah, ain't that something?" - Palomba