Chapter Five, In Which Our Hero Blinks

"I run. I fly. But no matter how far, no matter how high everytime I close my eyes... I'm stuck back in this fucking room. This fucking room where the whole world looks at me like I'm somebody I'm not. Somebody I swore to God I would never be. Maybe if I could stop closing my eyes...yeah that's it. I'm never closing my eyes again." - Palomba

"Like all good shows this one starts with an admission...I admit, I almost quit." - Palomba

Today, for the first time in a long time, I blinked.

I know you don't know what that means. But I do.

Today Part Four ended. It didn't even last a full two months. The chapters are moving quicker than I can fill the pages now. It's all getting a little ahead of me.

Tonight I knew I was in for a tough one, so I folded before the game even started. And I'm still kicking myself for it.

I am so much better than that.

The Darkness started creeping up and I opened the door and called for my boys. They came back quick, and hit me hard, but they knocked it down for a bit. And for that I'm grateful. What they did next I will never forgive.

Rigby talks too much. King thinks too much. Kong doesn't think enough before he talks.

It would be so much easier if those three were real people...then I could be angry at someone besides myself.

I didn't realize everyone was going to the bar. I really didn't. I thought everyone was sticking around for a minute to watch the game. If I had known they were planning to go drinking I would have begged off saying I had to hurry home to get to work. But since I'd just been standing there like an ass watching the game I couldn't rightly say I was in a rush. So I waffled, flip-flopped, did a complete 180. First I said I was going, then I said I wasn't. But now I had to explain myself. And I did...but I couldn't lie, I had to tell the truth. I said I couldn't go beacuse if I did would have a drink...and drinking in the mood I'm in is a bad idea. A little bit of booze would only serve to exacerbate my current condition.

So the The Darkness and The Trio kicked my ass before I could even make it into the Olive Branch. Which means that I started Part Five much like I started Parts Two and Three...scared and alone. Which is sort of odd when you think about it. Shouldn't things be getting better?

So this is my story...and it just keeps going on. I play my part in other people's stories, and in a way they play their part in mine. I should have gone to the Branch tonight. I'm running out of time to do things like that, hang out with people like them, feel like I felt before it all brought me tumbling down on this otherwise perfect October night.

If you're reading this...no matter who you are, know that my story just became a little part of yours. And know this...

No matter how many times it starts and stops your story will always have one more beginning than it does an end. Everything that ends has to start somewhere...but not everything that starts really needs to ever end.