This was that long day. That one where when all was said and done I couldn't tell whether I'd moved forward or backwards. The one where I remember why I do it all.
See yesterday was tough, hell, they've all been tough lately and there's been little to no silver in my lining, but yesterday ended differently. I spent the night curled up on the couch fighting off the darkness with a smile on my face. It was the damnest thing.
Somewhere in there I found something to hold onto, something which, as of late, has been fleeting. But as today went south I couldn't get that back. Yesterday was a day of wasted thousands, flat tires, and black marks on my reputation. A day where foul memories pervaded even the simplest recollection. But yesterday was a beatable day. Today...
Today there was that other thing. That thing that makes me who I am. Today I longed to bleed. Today I was The Beast once again, wanting only to take with me the wrongs that burden those weaker than me. Or those who seem weaker than me.
The truth is that my strength doesn't come from the same place as everyone else's. My strength has its own unique reserve. And since I'm the only one drawing on it, you would think it would be nay on limitless.
Today made me not so sure of that.
I spent the better part of the day longing for things I never had and was never really sure I wanted in the first place. Spent too much time thinking of things I can never have. Waited all day for something I knew couldn't happen.
And now it's time. Time to do it all again. Time to rest for the first time in a long time, and get ready to do battle again.
The Darkness isn't coming...
It's already here.
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