Cold

"Now all you need is a paternity suit and the bad dye job and you'd really be just like your father."- King

I don't get cold. But for the last three or four days my whole body has been freezing and my head has been burning up. I reckon I'm sick and just too stupid to realize it. But this morning I woke up on the couch and could feel the cold seeping in through the window. It was 5:00 and I had a few minutes to get ready for work so I popped on the telly and watched that weather guy on Fox who always looks like he just stumbled in from a really great party and can't believe that anybody actually cares about the weather talk about how freakin' cold it is out. And the guy is shivering his ass off all bundled up in a thermo-jacket and polar apparel teeth chattering like they're about to fall out...and he's fucking inside. Friggin' weatherguys. But with all this talk of tsunami's, and glacial movements, and now this wicked cold it got me thinking of The Day After Tomorrow, which got me thinking about Emmy Rossum.

So now I'm running ten minutes late to work, skipped breakfast, skipped the shower, didn't even shave. Just brushed my teeth and ran out the door because things are getting hairy at the office. But I don't have a winter jacket and three steps out the door my ass is frozen. I stumble to my car and crack the door open, shove the keys in the ignition and get the bastard started.

It's so cold...

I turn my Ipod on and the damn thing is so frozen the words on the screen are all blurry and sluggish. I turn the HUD on in the Pontiac and where it usually says "ICE" during cold weather it now says "FUCK". Everything is frozen. I see a sign on the bank, says it's 18 degrees out and I just start screaming "YOU FUCKING LIAR." Because it's really about 4 degrees out and doesn't seem to be getting warmer.

Work sucks.

But by 11:00 I'm on my way out to clean up (because let's face it, I stink) and grab an early lunch (because let's face it, I'm fat and I'm hungry). I stop at Walgreens for razors and acne cream because I desperately need to shave and have a colossal blemish on my nose (but let's face it, it can't really make me any uglier). I am relieved to find that I've got the last box of razor blades in the entire store...until I find out they cost $20. So when I finally stop cursing, I begrudgingly hand over the cash and wander over to Dunkin' Donuts where I grab a steak, egg, and cheese sandwich for lunch (because let's face it, it's really just a cheseeburger on a bagel). I retreat home take care of the S's (shit, shower, shave)...type this up, and head back out to work because there's a lot to do and it's still very early in the day.

In honor of my return (although I've only been gone two weeks) to WRSU (www.nj.com/wrsu) tonight at 9:00 P.M. we'll resucitate an old sign off...

Fucking A', it's Tuesday.