The Office

"Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace." - Michael Scott (Steve Carrel), The Office

You gotta love a job that lets you spread your wings right up until the point where the fucking ceiling fan leaves you with bloody feathery little stumps...uh, yeah, long day.

So I've been watching the American version of The Office, and I really thought I wasn't going to like it because I liked the British version so much, but surprisingly I thought it was just as good in a really different sort of way.

Here's the thing, I watched the British version before I worked in an office on a daily basis, and of course my office is nothing like the one in the show, and the people I work with are nothing like the ones on the show, but...I got it before, and I really get it now.

Today was one of those days.

Since I've begun running my company a lot of things have actually changed. We follow the rules now. We take advantage of current technology. We're working to make our workplace safer, stronger, and just plain better. But that's all bullshit...what have I really done?

When faced with rising healthcare costs I managed to find a health insurance plan that costs less, covers more, and allows me to contribute a significant percentage without costing the company ridiculously more. I found other options, we offer supplemental insurance now and have enrolled in a pre-tax Cafeteria plan.

The average employee makes $1 more per hour since I took over, and I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but to some people it is. To some people it really is. The average employee has the opportunity to work more hours per week, which means they have the opportunity to make more money. I make sure to buy the office staff lunch once or twice a month, pick up coffee or breakfast on occassion, take a bunch of drivers out for a nice meal at the end of the summer season. I get angry, but I never really yell at anyone. Hell I hardly even reprimand anyone. People get away with a ridiculous amount of shit. It's sort of a job perk.

Some places pay a little more per hour than us, but they offer fewer hours. Some places offer a few more hours than us, but they pay less per hour. We're right in the middle, which is a nice place to be until you realize that no one really aims for the middle. It makes it real tough to find new employees and since this is a business of ridiculous turnover it means we're often short handed. But the way we're set up works out best for the people who work for us, and anyone smart enough to join up. People just don't always realize it. They always think we're out to screw them, they don't understand that the better they do the better we do. Either that or they just don't care.

It's tough to talk to people who don't care, particulary when you can't blame them for not caring. It's a pretty shitty job, and while the pay is good for what they're doing it's still not great. You can't help them help themselves because they don't want help, and they don't really want to help themselves. Some of them are there for reasons out of their control, but some of them are their because, you guessed it, they just don't care.

So I did some good things, what difference does it make? To differing degrees some of those things would have happened without me. It doesn't change the way people look at me. Some people don't like me because I'm not my father, others don't like me because I'm me. None of them really like me all that much. Doesn't matter what I do for them. They're never happy.

They want to get paid more per hour, get paid for more hours, but work fewer hours.

People have always been paid for more hours than they worked at the company. Some people work 45 minutes and get paid for 2 hours. Others work for 1 hour and 45 minutes and get paid for 3 1/2 hours. It was getting a little out of hand. So this year in an attempt to clean things up a little my father asked me to cut a half hour off of certain runs. So for runs that run less than two hours the most we'll pay is three hours. Still seems like a pretty good deal. So here's what I did...I took a half hour off of the runs in question. It only affected five people, so what I did was I gave those five people bigger raises than everyone else. Which means they'll make the same amount of money for doing the same amount of work. They're still not putting in the hours they're getting paid for. They argue anyway. I understand of course, it's just that they never do.

To top it all off today my god damn secretary (who has always gotten away with just being bad at her job) is now being downright destructive. She's in a position where she knows a lot of things that we don't need for every one of the 170 other employees to know, yet somehow she can't keep her mouth shut. She hurts us so much more than she helps us. And everybody knows it now. It's one of many things that need to be addressed.

"Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train." - Jim Halpert (John Krasinski), The Office

I think I like The Office because I like the characters. People look at them and they relate a little to the characters, as extremes, as characterizations of people they know. I just kind of think they'd be cool people to work with. There are days where I wish that I worked at a god damn paper company instead of running the company I do.

The people that work with me aren't like the people in The Office and I'm not like the bosses in The Office. They think too much of themselves and not enough of the people that work for them. I don't think very much of anyone.

David Brent and Michael Scott are assholes, they're lonely bitter assholes. A bit like me in that regard, but unlike me they take it out on other people, both intentionally and unintentionally. I just hurt myself.

I don't know.

I wish there were more people my age at my job. Wish there were more people who I could talk to. Wish there were just different people I suppose.

"No I don't talk about my love life for a very good reason, and that reason is I don't have one. Which is very good news for the ladies-I am still available. I'm a heck of a catch, cos, er well look at it. I live in Slough, in a lovely house, with my parents. I have my own room, which I've had since yep, since I was born. That's seen a lot of action I tell you. Mainly dusting. I went to university for a year as well, before I dropped out, so I'm a quitter. So, er, form an orderly queue ladies." - Tim Canterbury (Martin Freeman), The Office

You can't win. It's just not possible. But I guess you can try.

No matter what happens you see yourself as the good guy, and everybody else sees you as the bad guy. Doesn't matter how good or how bad you really are. So you hunt for the middle ground, because in the end that's all there really is.

Bosses...

Yeah we're all shit, but that just might be our job. And if we can figure out a way to help everyone without hurting anyone...well then we'd just be slightly less catastrophic failures, and everyone will hate us just as much.

We try too hard, and can never really do enough. We're resigned to our fates, even if we don't realize it. We're different, but not so much.

So I guess there's just a little David Brent, and a little Michael Scott in all of us bosses...but hopefully that's all there is...just a little.

"Look at this - "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs". Now you do not punish a girl, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs." - David Brent (Ricky Gervais), The Office