The Curious Dilemma Of T.O. Hob

"He doesn't exist you know. Not like me and you, not like all of them. He's something different altogether. Something...magical." - T.O. Hob, On God

"Ditto." - God, On Hob

I wish that things could have been different. Wish that I wasn't always who I am. I made my decisions a long time ago, set out my groundwork, and rolled with it. I have my morals, have my way, and I wouldn't force it on anyone. Hell most days I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But it is what it is, and I am what I am.

I am decidedly not at a crossroads. In fact I'm sort of crusing comfortably down the slow road to nowhere. But stuck in this unrelenting holding pattern I find a place where...well, where things slow down.

Uh...ok. Yeeaahh...here's the thing.

You know, the thing...the thing is....

Ah...the thing.

Talk about timing.

Nothing happened last night that put me in the mood I'm in today. There were no surprises that put me off tilt. I did not see anyone who I did not expect to see. Nothing happened. Nothing.

And still I think these things, my head sent spinning down a path that...

Well...no, no. Actually, um, that's not quite what happened...

You see, well no, of course you don't. I mean, how could you?

Let me explain.

I'm moving in a week, giving me another way to mark off a year. And while I was beginning to pack up I began to think and I realized that it will soon be a year since I last saw a lot of people. I don't like that, of course I don't like that. And that's what...got me...started.

Maybe not...maybe that wasn't it.

So many markers have been passed, and so many more I'll pass by eventually. Places I wonder if I'll ever get to. I'd like to see London someday. Paris too. Maybe even Rome. Rome...can you imagine that? Just need someone to go with me I suppose. I suppose that's it...

Or maybe it isn't...maybe it's that...

I've been thinking...and I think that's killing me.