Reclaim Thy Name: Porno Magazines & Towering Infernos

"Wait...they're calling me a dick? Fuck." - Palomba

"It's still funny."- T.O. Hob

"I think I liked it better when people laughed with me." - Palomba

But seriously folks...

So I've been stocking the Ipod with a bunch of new CD's and I realized I was missing some of my old favorites, so I headed out to Tower Records where CD's are ridiculously expensive, but at least they have what I want in stock.

I get there and I'm wandering around the back of the store by the Gospel section when I notice this guy reading a magazine off to my left....I look over his shoulder as I pass only to find that it's a porno. I'm a little surprised, but then I realize there's a whole rack of porno magazines in front of him. Right in the middle of Tower Records there's a porno section, and at 5:00 on a Friday afternoon this guy is looking at porno magazines in plain view of the whole store.

I'm trying not to laugh so I look around trying to find someone else that finds this odd so we can share one of those stranger bonding moments where two people who have nothing to do with each other can for a second come together over a smile, or brief laugh, or witty passing comment. Except there is no one. I look around and find that it's pretty much all middle aged guys in the store. There's one middle aged blonde woman being led around by a gorky little clerk. the two of them desperately trying to find a Cam'ron CD. But otherwise it's all dirty middle aged men. No merciless college kids, no bemused young businessmen, no young ladies trying to cover up their giggles. I have no comrades here. No one to laugh with. No one to share what should have been a funny moment with. I felt absolutely alone...and the porno guy just kept on looking at his magazines.

I realize I'm the one who should be laughed at. This is my future, standing alone in a Tower Records holding a handful of CD's and trying to find someone to laugh with. That's fucking depressing. So I book..

Paid for my CD's (Pennywise Live [Bro...Oh Oh Oh], Catch 22 [Even though I have the whole CD on tape from my time at The Core], Michael W. Smith [I know, I'm going to hell, but no one should have to go a full year without hearing Secret Ambition, am I right?] and Harry Chapin [Which led to an awkward conversation with the gorky clerk about whether or not I remembered Chapin's death on the L.I.E., but since I was five months old at the time...]. And left the store with my head down.

I headed home thinking about all sorts of things and rocking Bro Hymn as loud as the Pontiac's CD player would allow. It seemed like the whole world was burning, starting with me and working its way around. Last night burned into my consciousness several previously unrealized truths. And they've got me a little afraid. But for some reason something else made me laugh...

"My Palombo itches? How is that funny?" - Palomba

"You were never a sixteen year old boy."- T.O. Hob

"Well, yeah, but..." - Palomba

"And besides who are you kidding? You laugh. You think it's funny too." - T.O. Hob

"Yeah, well I'm fucked up. What was their excuse?" - Palomba

"I think you are." - T.O. Hob

"Great." - Palomba