Mon-Daze: Of Porn And Punishment

"And if it takes shit to make bliss then I'm feeling pretty blissfully." - Modest Mouse

Last night I found a CD case with an old Knightbeat label on it, when I opened it up though I found a small cd-rom that I thought I had lost. It had everything I wrote my last year of college on it. I was ecstatic. When I finally dug up the actual Knightbeat show I drove around all night listening to it. It does the soul good.

Last night there was also something strange going on in Hawthorne. No matter which way I went I was surrounded by cop cars and forced to turn around. No one could get through. I had to go the long way home.

But last night's oddities pale in comparison to this morning's.

I'm sitting in the trailer doing some insurance paperwork when Dispatch Matt wanders in.
"Uh, there's a guy on the phone. He wants to rent a bus."
"Ok."
"He wants to film a porno on it."

Needless to say I'm a little surprised. I figure it's got to be a joke, it's got to be The Kid and one of his buddies screwing around and wasting my time. I take the call anyway. (This business is sort of boring.)

"Yeah?"
"Hi, I want to rent a bus to make a film."
"Who is this?"
"Uh...Jon. Jon Stevens."
"What kind of film?"
"Well, it 's a porno, but one of the scenes is supposed to be highschool kids so we need a school bus."
"Sorry Jon, I can't help you."
"You rent busses?"
"Yes we do, but not for that sort of thing."

Now I'm pretty good with voices and I don't recognize that one, but I'm still pretty sure The Kid is behind it all. Something like the time he paged me with the phone number for an escort service, or "borrowed" my car to go egging, or tricked me into getting on line with the wrong funeral procession or...well you get the picture.

"Why won't you rent us a bus?"
"Look. We don't do that sort of thing."
"Money's not really an obstacle here. Whatever you need."
"Look, money doesn't matter. I'm not interested."

I would have hung up right here, but I'm still waiting for the punchline. If it's The Kid he'll say something to tip me off on purpose. If it's someone else they'll at least let on it's a joke. But this guy isn't giving up.

"I mean, you guys could be involved if you want. You know?"
"No."
"You can help pick the girls."
"Sorry. Can't help you."
"You rent busses though?"
"Yeah but not to you."
"Why not?"
"Because I fucking said so, that's why not!"

It hurts how much I sounded like my father right there.

"Well thanks for nothing dickweed."

The guy called me dickweed...what a dweeb. But that's not what bothers me, as I go to hang up the phone another voice comes over the line. Definitely not a voice I know, definitely not the voice of anyone who knows anyone I know. And there was a click...a familiar click. Almost like when we take someone on and off the air at the radio station.

I'm ruling out The Kid's involvement, but it could be just about anyone. I'll find out soon...and when I do. Well, people learn not to play with Palomba real quick.

Of course if that was all that happened this morning this wouldn't be much of an entry. No, no. I stop at 7-11 on my way over to the main office, and when I come out there's a cop blocking me into my spot. He's standing there looking at my car.

"Can I help you officer?"
"This your car?"
"Yes sir."
"Car like this was involved in the commiting of a crime."
"Lots of cars like mine."
"Yeah, but you match the description of the perp too."

He said "perp", it's really hard not to laugh.

"So there's another 6'3" 300 lb. guy driving around in a little black Pontiac...it could happen."
"Hmmph."
"I really have to get back to work sir."
"Where's work?"
"Does it matter?"
"What's your name?"
"Why?"
(He's had about enough of me at this point.)
"What's your name?"
"Palomba."

He sizes me up for a second, writes something down, nods, and gets back in his patrol car. He pulls away.

I have a great deal of respect for cops, and I know they don't know I'm one of the good guys...but come on? Give me a break.

So, I don't know what to make of either one of my odd encounters this morning. Maybe the rest of the day will sort them out. I highly doubt it.