This guy I used to live with was a seriously sick fuck. Not that he ever did anything too sick or twisted, but he just came up with sick and twisted ass shit. I'm sitting in the living room one Friday afternoon playing Tony Hawk 2 on Dreamcast and he walks in and sits down across from me...and doesn't say anything. He's not even really watching me play, he's sort of just staring at this random spot on the ceiling when suddenly, without even looking at me he goes, "Ask me what's better than two naked five year olds."
Now how exactly do you ask that? So I sort of mutter, "What's better than two naked five year olds?"
To which he replies, "Three naked five year olds."
I don't even laugh, I just keep playing my video game. He gets quiet again. A few minutes pass and without ever looking at me he says, "Ask me what's better than three naked five year olds."
I hesitantly ask, "What's better than three naked five year olds?"
To which he responds by staring right at me with anger in his eyes and saying triumphantly, "Are you fucking kidding me? There's nothing better than three naked five year olds."
Now what brings me to this story on a Thursday morning such as today?
Well, for years that had been the most fucked up thing involving five year olds I could imagine...until I saw this: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/
That's right. How many five year old could you take in a fight...
So I followed the link and began to answer the questions. All the while trying to think of how many five year olds I can take in a fight. Now I'm pretty sure I could take two or three full size adults in a fight at this point. Maybe five or six teenagers. At least a dozen eight graders. But then it gets sort of hazy. At what point do the numbers become overpowering? At what point is it the sheer size of the army that undoes you? So I'm thinking I could reasonably destroy approximately seventeen five year olds without so much as a scratch. And the whole time I'm thinking this fucking machine better not tell me that I can only take like six five year olds in a fight because then I'm going to be pissed off. So lo and behold I get my results:
And for a second I'm actually pleased. I'm pretty sure I can take 31 five year olds in a fight, and I'm glad the machine agrees. But then I start thinking. I bet I could take more than that. Which answer did the machine dock me for? Why doesn't the machine think I can take forty five year olds in a fight? or fifty? or one hundred? Fuck this machine.
So now I have to prove the machine wrong. I have to prove that I can take more than 31 five year olds in a fight.
The only question was where could I find more than 31 five year olds in the same place at the same time?
And then I remember who I am.
Oh yeah.
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round...all through the day.
Now how exactly do you ask that? So I sort of mutter, "What's better than two naked five year olds?"
To which he replies, "Three naked five year olds."
I don't even laugh, I just keep playing my video game. He gets quiet again. A few minutes pass and without ever looking at me he says, "Ask me what's better than three naked five year olds."
I hesitantly ask, "What's better than three naked five year olds?"
To which he responds by staring right at me with anger in his eyes and saying triumphantly, "Are you fucking kidding me? There's nothing better than three naked five year olds."
Now what brings me to this story on a Thursday morning such as today?
Well, for years that had been the most fucked up thing involving five year olds I could imagine...until I saw this: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/
That's right. How many five year old could you take in a fight...
So I followed the link and began to answer the questions. All the while trying to think of how many five year olds I can take in a fight. Now I'm pretty sure I could take two or three full size adults in a fight at this point. Maybe five or six teenagers. At least a dozen eight graders. But then it gets sort of hazy. At what point do the numbers become overpowering? At what point is it the sheer size of the army that undoes you? So I'm thinking I could reasonably destroy approximately seventeen five year olds without so much as a scratch. And the whole time I'm thinking this fucking machine better not tell me that I can only take like six five year olds in a fight because then I'm going to be pissed off. So lo and behold I get my results:
And for a second I'm actually pleased. I'm pretty sure I can take 31 five year olds in a fight, and I'm glad the machine agrees. But then I start thinking. I bet I could take more than that. Which answer did the machine dock me for? Why doesn't the machine think I can take forty five year olds in a fight? or fifty? or one hundred? Fuck this machine.
So now I have to prove the machine wrong. I have to prove that I can take more than 31 five year olds in a fight.
The only question was where could I find more than 31 five year olds in the same place at the same time?
And then I remember who I am.
Oh yeah.
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round...all through the day.
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