Poetry

"Sometimes you die when you can't get where you're going,
and sometimes you die when you're done.
But life's about a whole lot more than just living,
and dying ain't nearly as fun." - T.O. Hob, A Country Song

I don't feel right.

In the waking moment this morning I thought:

Life isn't worth living. I don't care about anything. I need to change...everything.

But these were not my thoughts. The worm which had worked its way loose in my head had returned to burrow it's way back into my consciousness...and suddenly I didn't feel right again.

Nothing is ever easy around here.

"Some people beg forgiveness for their sins...other people just pay for them." - T.O. Hob


I just had one of the greatest weekends of my life. I don't know what it says about me that the older I get the better I relate to these kids. That it becomes easier for me to care about them, easier for me to get along with them, easier for me to just be me. Maybe I'm getting better at this, or maybe I'm just getting better period. I don't know and for the moment I don't care.

You let go, you hold on, you let loose upon this world a feeling of epic proportions.

" Little Sallie Walker...walking down the street." - Hob

I spent the whole weekend trying to figure out who it was and when it finally blindsided me in the closing hours I couldn't believe I had missed it. She was right there in front of me the entire time. We were a lot alike. So I could have done something to help her, make some sort of connection, make some sort of difference, something...and I didn't, I blew it.

I am such a fuck up.

"Mistakes are like men. They grow old and die. You can only hope to outlive them." - T.O. Hob

I never really cared about anything. Never really cared about anyone. For a long time I was so cold. Maybe I would have been better off staying like that. It would hurt less to lose people then. But...

If the only options are hurting or being numb which is really worse?