Paix, amour, mythes de bonheur... faits par les hommes pour expliquer la vie.

Odd.

I think...and I can't really be sure about this, but I think...

I think I'm heartbroken.

Now I know that sounds odd since I'm not in love or ever have been in love or ever will be in love. And how can someone who lives without that sort of love ever really be heartbroken?

But...

There it is nonetheless.

It makes less sense the more you look at it. And I've made mistakes before, been wrong before, may very well be wrong right now.

But...

I would do anything for them.

Anything.

And I hope beyond hope that they understand how very serious I am when I say that.

It's different then it is with bigger groups, where no matter how hard you try you can't like everybody, can't get to know everybody, can't look out for everybody. Different then it was when I was younger, when no matter how much I wanted to I simply didn't have the means or experience to do the things I wanted to do.

But I'm still sixteen in my head.

You love and are afraid no one will love you back. You lose and are afraid no one notices you're gone. You put yourself out there and worry about how you'll be received.

You trust other people but will not trust yourself.

But...

Why should I trust myself? I have made these mistakes before. Asked God to take away feelings I couldn't handle myself and as soon as they were gone realized how big of a mistake it was. I won't make that mistake again.

It's time.

I'm crushed with sorrow and grief over losing something I haven't even lost yet.

I've gotten ahead of myself in the worst possible way.

That's just part of being me. You sort of get used to it. You also get over it...kind of.

"Everybody can see, it's plain as day, we Palomba's, we fall hard. Real hard. But not everbody knows our secret. You see, we may fall hard but...we bounce." - Palomba