The Masked Ninja Rides Again

"I must confess I am less than admirable when it comes to sword fighting, but I do have wicked skills with the nun-chuks." - The Masked Ninja

I used to dream of ghosts.

When I was a young boy, much more of a boy then I should ever care to admit, I often found myself lost in the fantasies that made up my character. I dreamed of the strange, the bizarre, the horrific, but also the splendid, the divine, the simply amazing. I was a dreamer. And that, perhaps, is where I was lost...in that I dreamed.

Now so much of that is gone. Where I used to see mysteries I now see questions, where I used to seek answers I now see solutions. I loved those mysteries, I loved looking for those answers. I truly wanted to know simply because I wanted to know, now I see solutions so that I don't have to keep looking for the answers. I've run out of time, except that all I have is time. It would seem I have simply forgotten how to use it.

I have found the means and forgotten the ends.

And though I watched so carefully all the things which have had their places in my life, I so rarely saw them that you would think me blind. Why should I see all these things in life, when I had already seen in fantastic dreams that which made them merely inferior?

We are not a fantastic people. We are very rarely people at all. Be we cut from marble or cast in gold, be we bathed in light or drowned in a certain darkness...no we are very rarely people at all.

Does that stop us, or even slow us on our way?

Not I.

I am enamored, in love if you will. For that I am eternally grateful. She will never know, and for that I am eternally damned. It is not the love I have often known, it is not the love I have shared with so many, not the sort of love I have been afraid to declare before. It is a special sort of love, one which will not be belittled by its nature. God that I could only say those words.

If we always watch, and never see, then we may be wiser, but are we better? Are we?

I have watched far too much for far too many differing reasons and never for the proper reason alone. I have failed to discover the purpose of watching them. Before anything else, that must change. Before anything else I must improve on that.

I will live with less reason so that I may enjoy the purpose.

I will begin right now...

And tomorrow I will watch the sun...simply so that I may see it.

"O Rose thou art sick,
the invisible worm
that flies in the night
in the howling storm
has found out thy bed of secret joy,
and his dark secret love
does thy life destroy." - William Blake, The Sick Rose