Hallelujah

"Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah

Antioch 2006 is over...and my god was it as amazing as ever.

I think that the greatest thing I learned this weekend was that, in the end, I really am just like everyone else. That I hurt, that I heal, that I know I'll be hurt again...but I keep going anyway.

I didn't realize it till I said it, but the worst part about hanging on for so long is that I've had to say goodbye to so many great people, so many people I didn't want to say good-bye to. How can you guys just keep on leaving? Don't you know I'm going to miss you?

Somebody said last night that you are either a college person or a high school person, and I definitely know what she meant, but it wasn't till well after she said it that I realized...that's not really true. You see you can be either a college person or a high school person, but you don't have to be. You don't have to be. I'm not. And I hadn't realized it till she said it, and I can't believe that it took so long for me to figure it out but...I'm a life person. I just keep hanging on, I just keep going, I'm not waiting, I'm moving...I'm trying.

Last night I sat in church with my little brother and sister by my side and thought about how much I loved the two of them, about how I'd do anything for them. And I looked at the Antioch kids sitting around me and I knew...I'd do anything for them too.

We don't really live in that big of a place, but somehow I never manage to run into any of these kids. I don't know how that is, maybe I just don't get out enough anymore. When we walked out those doors last night, that was it. I'll never see some of those kids again. God damn.

I can never figure out exactly how to look at it, have so many people left me behind? Or have I left them behind?

I don't know. I just know that it doesn't really make a difference.

It always hurts.

I'll get where I'm going someday...and when I do maybe I won't have to lose anyone else.

Until then?

I'll just keep hanging on.

After all...what else is there?

"Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah." - Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah