The Rain

"We pay for our sins. In this life, or the next, it's a debt we must settle someday. We've sinned more than most boys, so if today is that day, so be it. We've done a lot of wrong in our time, so if this is our reckoning, let's do some right before we go. Stand your ground. Fight like men. I'll see you on the other side." - T.O. Hob, The Reckoning

It had already been too long of a day when I walked out into the sunlight. And as I took those first few steps I watched as the world grew dark. I was tired and angry, and not altogether conscious of what was going on around me.

The drums welled up in the distance, their staccato beat a measuring stick for my brief journey. Their fifth beat brought the rain. Hot and wet it beat the pavement around me in large languid drops. Instead of retreating to shelter I moved forward.

I made my way towards sunlight and I smiled as it seemed to be making its way towards me, as if it was willing to meet me half way. Step after step, beat after beat, drop after drop, we came closer together. And then I reached the fence.

The sunlight.

I stood there in the rain, pressed up against the gate, mere inches from those rays of sun...and
it reminded me of something Hob might have said once, or maybe it was me...

I can't stop the rain, and I can't make the sun come out. But I can tell you it's only water, and there are worse things than getting wet.

I spend half of every day scared shitless of what comes next and I spend the other half trying to figure out how to avoid it.

I think the only thing that is keeping me together right now is ...

Stop. I'm gone. I swear, I'm gone. I'm a fucking ghost. I was never here in the first place.

Three times in my life now I have stood at the bottom of a mountain and tried to figure out how to get to the top. Twice I've pulled it off, twice I've stood at the summit and said, "Shit. So this is what I've been working for?"

It's a cycle . Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, and sometimes the sun shines so bright it's fucking glorious.

Though it may be dark and cloudy now, I know that someday the rain will stop. Someday the sun will come out again. And when it does...I will be standing right there to see it.