Who Are You? And What Are You Doing In My Cage?

This is my own private area and I'd appreciate it if you don't touch me there.

Just when I was beginning to think I was over it all (without the requisite closure mind you), I woke up this morning feeling like it was never gone. That hurt me.

Maybe it's because even though I actually slept last night I still woke up before four in the morning. I was still up before the sun.

In fact I was at work before the sun came up. I put the dogs away, opened all the gates and the trailers, set the board and started the pump. I checked the answering machine, warmed up the air conditioner, and made sure all the T's were crossed and the I's dotted. And when the sun came up I was there to watch.

Standing in the yard, with everything done and time before the madness would begin I appreciated the quiet of the morning more than I usually do. Maybe it was the situation, maybe it was the circumstances. Maybe it was because I knew what was coming. I knew that in the next several hours things would go wrong, fighting would errupt, people I know and love would become both happy and sad. I knew who was coming and who was going, I knew of impending doom and coming bliss. I also knew I would not take part in any of it. I would watch it all, much like I was watching the sun rise then. It felt like a bad poem waiting to happen, I even had the title picked out: Sun Rising On One Hundred School Buses.

And so in the pleasantness of the rising morning sun I took a minute to let the world shrink me, instead of the other way around. I felt small and inconsequential, but instead of loathing the feeling...for once I sort of enjoyed it. I knew what was coming, and I knew I wasn't really ready. Work was the least of my concerns, but it was the only thing I could really do anything about...so I did it. And that was all.

I've often said how every opportunity I've had is just another one I've let slip by. But let's be real here. I'm a young, bright, nice guy...and if I don't have more opportunities coming my way then I never really had a chance in the first place.

There's a lot more left of today, a lot more bad then good. And there's work to be done as well. No matter where tonight finds me, no matter how far off tomorrow seems, right now I'm where I need to be...and I got only good things on my mind.

Sit back, relax, let the morning flow by when things are looking so fine you got me losing my mind. Yeah.