Fury?

So I really think I should be angry right now.

But I'm not. Go figure.

I've been sick since Saturday night (which was a great fucking night by the way considering all I did was go see Harry Potter...for a third time) but I still went in to work early yesterday. And after not sleeping for two days I finally got some sleep late last night, and woke up at 4 A.M. to be in to work early...again.

So I was just starting to feel better a little after lunch, plugging away, making the company more and more money.

It was looking more and more like my lofty projections were not just going to hold up, but that we would actually exceed what I had predicted. This is a good thing. A very good thing. But once again I've fucked myself by being too good.

We try to get our "bonuses" done by the end of July every year. It's not really a bonus per say it's more like part of our salary that we only take once we're sure we've done well for any given year, so in a way it's more like profit than salary. Either way it usually turns out to be a pretty substantial chunk. So my first year I was very pleased with what I got, not that it was a lot but that it was more than I expected (even though it probably was less than I deserved). I was a little pissed in retrospect when my brother got more than me his first year, but being pissed in retrospect doesn't count. My second year I got a pretty substantial chunk as well, although this really worked out to be for a year and a half, it was still a lot. I was more than happy with that too. So after the year we've had I expected at least what I got last year...but I was in no rush.

With tomorrow being the last day of July I decided to bring it up by simply asking if my father had decided when we were going to figure out our exact amounts. When he replied by saying he didn't think we would be able to take our "bonuses" this year I was a little shocked. If anything this would be the year to take a bigger bonus. A real difference maker if you will. And here, without any thought, he wiped that possibility away. I thought I would be angry. I was counting on at least a certain amount of money. The minimum I expect is counted in my yearly projections as part of my salary. This isn't like a Christmas bonus, this is like half of what I make in a year. Gone.

After all I've done.

So I should be angry. Should be furious really. But I'm not. I don't need it. It may make things a little tougher because there were a lot of things I'd planned to do with that money, but I'll just do without. I'll still have more than most, and far more than I need.

Make no mistake, I could just take the money. I'd be well within my right both legally and morally. I could take all the money and it would be neither illegal or immoral. No matter where the money is, it's all ours. It's not like I'd be taking someone else's money. But I won't. That's how this game works. If I take the money I'm fucked. It will make things that much harder around here. If I don't take it he'll just waste it all on some foolish idea to make more money, but at least I'll still be in the right.

The old man likes to screw with people, someday it will bite him in the ass. Or maybe it won't. Either way it doesn't affect me very much.

What's done is done.